Ready for a guide

[Tristan Bousquet]

Hello,

My name is Tristan and I live in France.
I was led here by the term “liberation”, which I first thought referred to the “enlightening” from Buddhism. As enlightening is now my greatest desire, I was very curious, and read through the whole website, then found out what it was really about. I am now even more curious, as I see this “liberation” as something that can only be but beneficial to my journey.
I have experienced situations of selflessness through drug-use. I remember at the time, that I did not want to speak, as it would have implied using “I”, which I felt at the moment as something false. Unfortunately, this way does not last.
Conceptually, I also believe that self is a mental construction. Sometimes, when a situation makes me uncomfortable, I try to remember about the non-existence of the self, to reduce, e.g. my emotions towards someone that bothers me, as it empties him or her from responsibility.
However, these two examples do not have the long-term orientation that I believe I can acquire thanks to you.
This is why I am so interested in this experience, and in the search of a guide.

Thank you for reading me ☺,

Tristan

[Freddi]

Hi there Tristan

I am Fred, also in France, and I would be willing to guide you.

To get started there are several formalities that we must dispense with first. If you haven't already seen it, there is intro info here, our disclaimer and a short video too. http://www.liberationunleashed.com/

Additionally, There are a few ground rules, please respond to confirm:

1. You agree to post at least once a day.
2. In general, the guide will ask the questions for you to respond to
3. Responses require your utmost honesty
4. Responses are best from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.
5. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that.
6. Please learn to use the quote function; instructions are located in the link below this line:viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660”

If you could confirm you have seen all the above and would like me to be your guide - then we shall begin.

Warm wishes
Fred

[Tristan Bousquet]

Hi Fred !

Sorry for my late answer.

If you could confirm you have seen all the above and would like me to be your guide - then we shall begin.

Yes, I confirm and I would like you to be my guide.

[Freddi]

Great, Tristan, let's get this show on the road.

Would you like to share a bit about your journey so far? What are you looking for here? What would ‘liberation’ be like? How ‘beneficial’ (your word) would it be to your journey?
What expectations do you have, if any? Really take your time when you answer. Don't shoot from the hip and scan your thoughts for a quick reply. Stay with the questions, consider them for a while, and just let me know what comes up, in your own time and your own words. There are no right or wrong answers here.

I have experienced situations of selflessness through drug-use. I remember at the time, that I did not want to speak, as it would have implied using “I”, which I felt at the moment as something false. Unfortunately, this way does not last.

These drug-induced experiences are just that, experiences. Like all other experiences, headaches, hunger, joy, grief, they come and go. What is being pointed to here is the truth, that does not come and go. Once seen, it can’t be unseen.
Can you tell me in all honesty if drug use is still part of your life?

Warm wishes,

Fred

[Tristan Bousquet]

Hi Fred,

Would you like to share a bit about your journey so far? What are you looking for here? What would ‘liberation’ be like? How ‘beneficial’ (your word) would it be to your journey?
What expectations do you have, if any?

I am on my spiritual journey since 1 year. I learned theories and experienced things. But I have not changed enough yet regarding my desire of “enlightening”.

I am looking to experience something that I currently know in theory only: experiencing the self as an illusion.

“Liberation” would be the persistent experience that the self is an illusion.

It would change my way of looking at relationships (of any type, with any type of thing), but it will not help me to handle my emotions for example. It will clear my sight.

I expect our whole dialogue to be a great experience, and I actually already enjoy it.

Can you tell me in all honesty if drug use is still part of your life?

The kinds of drugs that I am referring to are still part of my life. I am planning to use in 2 weeks. The previous one was 10 months ago. I do not expect any gain of permanent insight; I use them to live an experience.

Thank you for reading.

Best regards,

Tristan

[Freddi]

Hi Tristan

Thank you for your honesty about your drug taking. I appreciate your openness about it.

However I do not feel I am in a position to help you. I will invite other guides to see if one of them feels differently.

Kind regards,

Fred

[Tristan Bousquet]

Hi Fred,

Thank you for what you did so far with me.

I am worried about the restraint that my drug using hobby may cause to my attempt in seeing "liberation".

I hope that a guide will feel like pointing to me, and I thank you for inviting others to try.

Best regards,

Tristan

[stu]

Hi Tristen

My name is Stuart. I am happy to guide you.

I think that you are right to be concerned that drug use will restrain your ability to see no self. This process is about having a detailed look at the nature of reality. Anything that clouds your ability to do that will be a hinderance. It is crucial that you are able to tell the difference between what is real and what is not.

If you are still planning to use drugs, could you please tell me which ones, just so that I can get a sense of how much they will affect your view of reality? You mentioned that you use them to 'live an experience'. What experiences are you looking for, and what is it about them that you value?

I'm a Buddhist. In that tradition, seeing no self (Anatta) is only one step on the path towards enlightenment. There are 9 other steps to take (9 other fetters to break). So full enlightenment is not on offer here. Are you still happy to proceed?

Just in case you haven't noticed, if you click on the Subscribe Topic link at the bottom of this page, you will be sent an email every time I post a reply.
Also, this web page will log you out if there is no activity for a while, even if you have a half-finished reply on here. So you might like to write your reply in Word, and copy and paste it here.

[Tristan Bousquet]

Hi Stuart,

Thank you for guiding me.
I will give you a detailed version of my story, as it will certainly help you better to see where I stand.

My name is Tristan, I am 22 years old, I was born and raised in Paris. I have been into cannabis, cigarettes, and alcohol from age 14. Noticeable drugs I have experienced since are ecstasy, mushrooms, and LSD.

At 18, while on cannabis, I had an important experience, related to the concept of impermanence: I acknowledged death, and thus my material desires suddenly lost their value (This effect diminished, as I still have material concerns). Still from this experience, I realised that nothing was anyone’s fault; everything was just the way it was. It was in a context when I was being hateful towards my parents, as I blamed them for everything I hated about me. It did not make me forgive them, as it would have just been a disguise of my hatred, but my whole structure of blame, resentment, etc.…against them, just vanished.
At the same period, I experienced ecstasy. I discovered a happier self, more outgoing, smiling, and interested in others. I realised that this person was someone I could be while sober too, and thus I started smiling more, and became more sociable, and these two are still on today.
22 months ago, I experienced mushrooms. The only thing that I keep from it today is a deep love for nature.
12 months ago, a friend that was into drugs too lent me Doors of perception, from Aldous Huxley, as it reported a drug experience in its first 50 pages. But what really got me was the rest of the book. Inspired by Krishnamurti and Buddhist philosophy, it blew my mind: it was a key spiritual encounter. I saw religions from a different perspective, and their common goal: enlightenment, as a priority. I began meditating, and looked at my world from a different view. However, all I had done there was finding a new teaching, and thus I did not achieve much.
10 months ago, I experienced LSD. I felt the non-self. I also felt equanimity, and impermanence. At this moment, I realised that my deepest desire was to be in this state, and promised to work on my spiritual development.

Since then, I watched a movie on the Buddha’s life, and read Freedom from the known, from Krishnamurti. I understood that answers were for me to find, and I am now trying to practice this way of doing.
I quit cannabis and cigarettes permanently. I am vegetarian for 3 months now, and plan on going “raw food” in the coming week. I still drink alcohol approximately once a week, and your questioning is making me think on it deeply. I believe it is not necessary to tell you about these thoughts, but rather to report some changes to you if they occur.
I confronted my mother on a trait we had in common: anger. While talking with her, I abandoned myself to my emotions. After that, I felt relieved, and now I feel like my anger is my own, and seems less disproportioned.
I also recently talked with my family in order to clear some deeply rooted harmful emotions. I let myself go, and my heart speak, about what it felt from our family drama. After this episode, I was relieved, and actually did some things I wanted to do for a long time.
Recently, my practice of meditation became regular, and lasts longer I guess, about 1 to 2 hours a day.
2 weeks ago, I experienced a vibration in my right ear that I read was the “Nada”. Now I often hear this sound when I am alone and relaxed.
Last week, I experienced a powerful sensation, which I guess was the expression of my heart chakra. I was meditating when I realised my thoughts were partly there because I did not like myself as I was, but better through a friend, a model, or myself in a theoretical situation, etc… Then I saw a pure, warm, white light, and my chest was beating so fast that it scared me a lot. I also felt tremendous power and some sensations that I cannot put into words. But as far as the light is concerned, it was the same that I saw while I closed my eyes on LSD. I experienced something close to this meditation again twice this week.

Thank you for reading this long text, I believe it gathers essential pieces of my experiences and the role drugs had in it.

If you are still planning to use drugs, could you please tell me which ones, just so that I can get a sense of how much they will affect your view of reality? You mentioned that you use them to 'live an experience'. What experiences are you looking for, and what is it about them that you value?

I plan to do mushrooms in 2 weeks. I do not think they will affect my way of seeing the truth, as Lsd already taught me that I have to see it by myself.

I am expecting to live a blissful moment with friends.

Concerning what I value about it, at this very moment, while I am thinking about it, that vibration in my right ear manifests.
As I told myself already, those drugs were beneficial as they guided my spirituality. But I do not need guidance from these anymore. So I guess I just value their ability to bring me into another state of consciousness, like alcohol.

I'm a Buddhist. In that tradition, seeing no self (Anatta) is only one step on the path towards enlightenment. There are 9 other steps to take (9 other fetters to break). So full enlightenment is not on offer here. Are you still happy to proceed?

I am happy to proceed, as I understand that this is not about offering enlightenment.

Thank you for reading me.

Best regards,

Tristan

[stu]

Hi Tristan

Thank you for that clear and detailed description. I really enjoyed reading it… especially that parts that describe your spiritual seeking. It certainly does give me a good sense of where you are. I’m also glad to hear that your use of drugs is not habitual and is not to numb out an unpleasant reality. And I’m glad that speaking from the heart has worked well for you. That takes courage!

2 weeks ago, I experienced a vibration in my right ear that I read was the “Nada”. Now I often hear this sound when I am alone and relaxed.

Yes, I like using that too, as a sign that my mind is calm and centred. Although for me, when it happens, it is equal in both ears.

As for your intense meditation experience… I have experienced similar things too, but only very rarely. I relate to sense that they are significant, but how to interpret them is unclear to me. I suspect it’s quite a personal thing.
Since I meditate too, I’d be interested to hear if you have any more. But the aim of our conversation is that I help you to see no self in your everyday existence, so intense meditation experiences are, strictly speaking, going off on a tangent.

… I realised that nothing was anyone’s fault; everything was just the way it was.

Does it still seem like that now? If so, is anything ever your fault now? In other words, do you experience being blamed?

Take your time to let the following words sink in, and then tell me what arises (your response) in your direct experience:
There is no self. There is no ‘me’ or ‘I’, and there never was. The sense of a ‘me’ is just a habitual thought story, with no basis in reality. It is just an illusion.

Best wishes
Stuart

[Tristan Bousquet]

Hi Stuart,

Thank you for reading my previous message and giving me your opinion about it.

I realised that nothing was anyone’s fault; everything was just the way it was.
Does it still seem like that now? If so, is anything ever your fault now? In other words, do you experience being blamed?

This is not like that in my everyday life experiences. Yesterday, I felt blamed and, to clear my emotions, I just looked for explanations, causes that led this blame to me, and it helped me to see that it was not the blamer's fault for blaming me, nor mine to be blamed.
But looking for previous causes, which is like the notion of Fate, is a concept using thought, thus in the past.
The non-self notion is I believe a notion in the present.

Take your time to let the following words sink in, and then tell me what arises (your response) in your direct experience:
There is no self. There is no ‘me’ or ‘I’, and there never was. The sense of a ‘me’ is just a habitual thought story, with no basis in reality. It is just an illusion.

After I read those words, my first reaction was to say to my mind: « Oh, this is hard ! » (hard to accept, realise, I guess). And I crossed my legs.
I agree with the non-self in theory. Since yesterday, I am picturing my self in such way : there is « consciousness » everywhere, and a body (« my » body) stands on a bit of it. This morning, still into that, I thought there were no real separation between me and other elements in the kitchen.
But in the direct experience, when I interact with people, i forget about this, just like when I read your words, and my mental showed resistance.

Thank you for reading me.

Best regards,

Tristan

[stu]

Hi Tristan

The non-self notion is I believe a notion in the present.

Absolutely right.

This morning, still into that, I thought there were no real separation between me and other elements in the kitchen.

That's interesting. What is your direct, present experience if you look around the room/place where you are now? In other words, describe what is in your awareness right now (sensations, emotions, thoughts, anything else). Also look… is there a separation between you and other objects now? If so, which aspect of awareness generates that sense of separation?

Best wishes
Stuart

[Tristan Bousquet]

Hi Stuart,

What is your direct, present experience if you look around the room/place where you are now? In other words, describe what is in your awareness right now (sensations, emotions, thoughts, anything else).

My direct experience is empty, there is nothing I can tell you about. Things that I look at do not create any sensations, emotions, thoughts...
As I do it for a while though, thoughts emerge, and they are all related to an "I", like: "am I doing the right thing" "did I understand the meaning of direct experience correctly ?" etc...

Also look… is there a separation between you and other objects now?

I thought: "I will watch this wall". So there is a separation between me and other objects now.

If so, which aspect of awareness generates that sense of separation?

As soon as I started to think, there was separation. So it is my mental/mind/brain that generates that sense of separation.

Best regards,

Tristan

[stu]

Hi Tristan

Nice... that's good direct looking. But since your questioning thought arose, I'll just spell out that 'direct looking' or 'looking at your direct experience' just means being aware of what is happening in the present. So answers to questions should be from that, rather than from assumptions of the way it 'must' be, perhaps based on past memories.
By the way, by 'sensations' I meant you to include the five senses (sight, sound, etc). But no need to repeat that exercise. You clearly 'get' the way thoughts construct things.

In your direct experience now, where is the sense of a self?

Cheers
Stuart

[Tristan Bousquet]

Hello Stuart,

I am sorry I was not able to reply yesterday.

In your direct experience now, where is the sense of a self?

In my direct experience now, there is no sense of a self.
Like right now, my leg is hurting a bit. I say "my" leg to communicate with you about this past experience, but in direct experience, there is only the feeling, no association of the leg with a self.

Best regards,

Tristan