Ready for a guide

[Paulo]

Thanks Erah,

You can see from that little exercise that thoughts arise into awareness as a reaction to stimuli. In this case the stimuli were words on a page, and then thoughts reacted to other thoughts, bringing you to memories of dreams ... and on and on it goes. No separate entity called I there making a decision about what thought should come next or what colour or shape a thought should be, it all happens automatically, almost mechanically.

Today we will look directly at the next element of direct experience - the PHYSICAL

Observe your movement in the moment.

The body moves, but is there an Erah there making this movement occur?

How is it that all those muscles and joints work so perfectly to enable you to type on a keyboard with such precision?

If you tried to grow your hair longer by sheer force of will, could you? What are the implications of this?

That last one is just for fun, but consider it, and let me know if you needed an emergency haircut :-)

Paulo.

[erah]

Thank you Paulo :)

Observe your movement in the moment. The body moves, but is there an Erah there making this movement occur?

No - no one is making this movement occur. “I” am chewing now, but really - the mouth, tongue, etc - are all moving themselves. There is an awareness here of the movement (which seems to be what "I" am in this moment), but this awareness is just aware of the movement - it's not moving itself.

How is it that all those muscles and joints work so perfectly to enable you to type on a keyboard with such precision?

Well - according to brain science, the execution of this precise movement is the result of several brain centers (cerebellum, frontal lobe, etc) and nerve pathways - working together. The system is designed to learn movement patterns and then executes them. During the learning phase there is some conscious control, but once learned - it's mostly motor memory. So in this way, the body is working on its own to execute these complex motor tasks.

If you tried to grow your hair longer by sheer force of will, could you? What are the implications of this?

I can’t… no control over hair-growth (but yes control over hair-shortening, as I can get it cut? :). I know - I know… who is the one deciding on the hair cut? No one, as the decision is doing itself - according to our previous exercise, so I guess there's no control after all :).

Best :)
Erah

[Paulo]

Thanks Erah,

You can see from observation that the body pretty much does it's own thing - from moving around, to digesting, to sleeping, growing hair/nails, and so on. It all happens automatically, without a separate entity called 'I' there controlling it all and directing each cell of the body to work in a certain way.

There is an awareness here of the movement (which seems to be what "I" am in this moment)

Is that awareness separate from the experience, or just another experience itself?

Is there anything that's aware of awareness?

Paulo.

[erah]

Thank you Paulo :). I really wanted to look at these questions today, but this busy day didn't leave me enough quiet time to properly investigate them (even though they have been on my mind!). It's getting too late here, so I'll look at it more closely and write back first thing tomorrow morning (might still be "today" in your time zone, but just in case it's not :).
Best,
Erah

[Paulo]

Hi Erah,

That's fine Erah, thanks for letting me know. Look forward to your next reply.

Paulo.

[erah]

Hi Paulo,

Ok - here are my answers :). Awareness is a subtle subject, and it was a bit hard to explore/describe - so I hope this is making sense (at least a little bit...):

Is that awareness separate from the experience, or just another experience itself?

What I call 'Awareness' feels like its own experience - formless, shapeless - but a distinct sense of knowing an object (e.g. a sight, sound, thought, sensation, etc) but NOT being that object. Somehow awareness has a spacious quality - this space feels to be around the experience - or where the experience is occurring (instead of being the experience/object itself). This space has no boundaries - no definition or shape or location or origination that can be found - it's open and undefined. Awareness has a component of movement - and sometimes awareness shifts from object to object/ experience to experience - like a light beam, and sometimes awareness is steady and not shifting, but somehow experiences shift within it - come and go - and there's a knowing of that, as well as knowing of the knowing itself. When awareness is present, the experience that is being known - that is being aware of (e.g. emotion, a sound, a visual object) - feels VERY impersonal - not "I" - and sort of self-existing/doing itself/ownerless - so there's a feeling of freedom in that somehow. Awareness itself also feels impersonal sometimes - not "I". It feels very familiar though - very close... It does seem to be where this "I" attaches often when investigation of direct experience becomes subtle. This is what I can say about awareness at this time, from direct experience :).

Is there anything that's aware of awareness?

You know - I don't know for sure (though I suspect not - of course, based on everything else we've been discussing :). I can say that "I" don't make awareness come or go - just as with everything else - it comes and leaves on its own accord... But when it is here - it its presence is known somehow... Who is the 'knower' - whether awareness is simply aware of itself, or whether "I" am aware of awareness (which is how it often feels like) - I still can't say for sure from direct experience (although logically I know which one it is... :).

Thank you!!
Erah

[erah]

One more thing... on further examination, I wanted to clarify that when saying: "awareness is knowing an object but not being the object" - that's not quite accurate... Somehow "being" or "not being" an object is a language and a point of view that applies to the "I" realm, and makes sense there. But looking directly, with awareness - "not being" an object, means more that the object doesn't belong to anyone - that it is self-existing - that there is no "I" there, and not so much that it is separate or not separate from awareness, as having a different substance... I hope this is making sense somehow :)
Erah

[Paulo]

Thanks Erah,

Let's take a moment today for a little time out, and recap of what has happened over the past few weeks -

• 1. We first looked at emotion and saw that emotions arise in reaction to stimuli and thoughts, but there is no 'I' there creating them,
  2. We examined thought and found that thoughts and 'choices' just arise, there is no 'i' there selecting those thoughts or what shape they might be,
  3. We looked at the physical and found the body doing it's own thing, with no 'I' directing that,
  4. We've looked at the ever present moment, and found no separate 'I' there, or anything outside the present moment.

Having looked at Direct Experience and found no 'I' there directing it all, where do you now stand on the proposition that there no separate entity behind the word 'I', 'me', or 'you'?

Paulo.

[erah]

Hi Paulo,

where do you now stand on the proposition that there no separate entity behind the word 'I', 'me', or 'you'

Thank you - that's a really good one! That's why I'm here for :). I don't know why, but despite seeing directly the lack of "I"'-ness in all those individual components (and not for the first time I hate to report...) - somehow the piecing together of all the evidence into a direct realization that "I" - as a separate entity - don't exist - hasn't happened yet. I understand this lack of separation intellectually - as an idea. But in direct experience, I still feel much like a separate 'entity'... This entity is still looking for itself... And somehow, every time this entity is not finding itself in something - instead of making room for the realization that it is not found because it isn't real - it is instantly and seamlessly reborn as something else, and so the illusion of a separate and continues entity remains and feels very solid, despite all the evidence to the contrary...

Is it ok for me not to see it yet? I sure try (have been for many years), but seeing hasn't happened yet, and I don't seem to have much (or any) control over when it emerges... :).

Best,
Erah

[Paulo]

Hi Erah,

But in direct experience, I still feel much like a separate 'entity'

Can you provide an example of this from your everyday life?

Is it ok for me not to see it yet?

No, definitely not, that's awful ... tee hee, just kidding!! - this isn't a competition, as long as you're posting everyday and using my pointers to look, you'll be just fine :)

but seeing hasn't happened yet

What does seeing look like, how is it different from what's experienced now?

Paulo :)

[erah]

Hi Paulo, 
Thank you :).  Ok - I won't worry about my slow pace, and of course will keep posting daily :). 

What does seeing look like, how is it different from what's experienced now?

That's a great question.  When Coffee was guiding me s/he was asking me almost every post - "have you seen through the illusion of a separate self?", and so it seemed as though there was something to see...  And I haven't yet seen anything that would make me answer without any thinking: yes!. Because I haven't yet 'seen' - all I have is my imagination, and from what I imagine and have read - 'seeing' is more of a disillusion of an idea, and the subsequent direct recognition - in the absence of this idea - that things are a certain way and have always been so.  Because what is recognized is what's already here in reality, nothing will changed, except that the false idea no longer has power to cloud reality. I know that all this is pretty intellectual and is not describing a direct experience... In terms of direct experience - the question may be - how is it to look at the world without a sense of being a person... The thing that comes to me is that without 'me' here - getting all the attention - there's more room - lots and lots of room for everything else, and the world seems to come to life in a way, and there is a more distinct sense of being timeless now - as in having no time-boundaries (past or future) on this moment.  If that's making any sense at all :).  
 
In regards to being a separate entity - 

Can you provide an example of this from your everyday life?

(I wrote this paragraph earlier today:).   

Hum....  let's see :).  To recap for myself - this is about knowing directly that "I" and "you" are empty labels - imagined entities, which in reality don't exist.  In reality - there are just experiences arising and passing away, but none of them belong to "me" or happen to "me" or belong out there to "others", but they just happen.  I don't see that quite yet...  

I have a meeting today with one of my bosses to discuss my work evaluation.  I will be sitting across from her, and she frightens me a bit.  I feel as though there is "me" and "her" - I don't feel as if we're somehow one or imaginary.  I try to see it this way, but I don't know how to make this lack of separation be authentic.  It's all very intellectual.  

Exploring this more - similarities and differences: 

I can see that my body and her body exist in the same space - we share space, in reality.  If I am awareness, then I am aware of both of us.  Awareness is aware of various experiences - coming and going - whether they belong to here in me or out there...  These things are similar. 

But there's lots that is different too.   Being here - where "I" am supposed to be - feels different than looking at her 'out there' - I don't really have a face here that I can see, but I can see hers...  I can feel sensations here and hear thoughts - I can't hear her thoughts or feel her sensations.   I can't see through her eyes...  I can see her whole body moving, but I can't see mine in this way.  Awareness feels to reside here, but I 'see' no awareness there - it's implied...  All of these differences between us give the illusion that her and I are different, because we don't look and feel the same from direct experience. 

So some things we share and some we don't.  In some ways we are separate and in others we are not.  This is all very confusing... :-).  

Best,
Erah

[Paulo]

Hi Erah,

It's all very intellectual

Here's the thing, if you look at the world through yellow tinted glasses, everything that you see will appear as shades of yellow. In my experience, when people understand the illusion of a separate self intellectually, it's BECAUSE they're looking at at intellectually.

From this point onward we take a different angle, looking from Direct Experience only, remaining focused.

I have a meeting today with one of my bosses to discuss my work evaluation. I will be sitting across from her, and she frightens me a bit. I feel as though there is "me" and "her" - I don't feel as if we're somehow one or imaginary.

Can you see that his is not a very good example of a direct experience of feeling like a separate entity. The event hadn't even happened yet - these are just thoughts. And you can recall from previous postings that although thoughts are a real experience, the content of thought is not real - it's just a story.

So, let's look at that question again -

But in direct experience, I still feel much like a separate 'entity'

Can you provide an example of this from your everyday life?

Remember, Direct Experience (DE), encompasses - physical, emotional, thought. and an awareness of these experiences.

Paulo.

[erah]

Ok Paulo - I promise to do my best :).

One of the difficulties I've been having with the imaginary nature of "I" and "you" is relating this to other people (because usually when I sit quietly, I am alone, surrounded only by objects). So I looked at that today. From direct experience, here's what I saw: thoughts, people, voices, objects - all of these are just sensations (visual images, sounds) - and all are happening on their own within the same big space. In a way, there is no difference between a thought entering this space, and a visual perception of person's body entering this space - all are just sensations coming and going. Anything else about "other people" - other than what is perceived directly in this moment (e.g. their form, sound of voice) is imagined somehow. I still don't know how to answer your question though - it's like when I see things this way, the "I" becomes irrelevant because there is just this one space, and there is no sense of things 'belonging' somewhere specific (to "you" or "me") - they just 'are'. But that's not enough somehow yet to shed light on this mysterious "I", and I don't know why...

One thing that I imagine about other people, is that they have the same awareness within them that I have here; they have a body like mine - but do they have an awareness too? In direct experience - there are many objects or sensations, but there is only 'one' awareness - the one that's here. And that's really confusing to my brain...

Ok - that's where I'm at today :)
Thank you for your patience!

Best,
Erah

[Paulo]

Erah,

But that's not enough somehow yet to shed light on this mysterious "I"

Define what you mean here by 'I'

Paulo.

[Paulo]

Something nice to watch -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJxL4s4cI8s