Requesting a guide

[Firen]

Ok that sounds good.

[Firen]

Hi Stacy,
I was shocked when I logged on tonight that I have in fact taken 8 days off. I thought it had only been like 3!
Anyways it’s been a week of lots of big feelings and interpersonal conflict and repair within my family—mostly related to the new baby.
Taking some days off was good. I am feeling more relaxed and focused.
All that to say—I’m still here.
Firen

[Anastacia42]

Good , Firen

One of the best tools I've ever learned for any kind of stress is The Work of Byron Katie at www.thework.com
Everything you need is there. Maybe watch a couple of her videos too see how it works.

Welcome back!

[Anastacia42]

Still there, Firen?

Much love,

[Firen]

Hello Stacy!
I am still here! I don't really have any updates though. Not much has changed.
I am familiar with Byron Katie! I will dive back into her stuff. I have done some of her worksheets and read a book of hers before. The thing I encounter is that I know it's not true but I still have the emotional or energetic pull towards creating drama.

[Anastacia42]

I am familiar with Byron Katie! I will dive back into her stuff. I have done some of her worksheets and read a book of hers before.

Good. Do some of that & let me know what is found

Loving,

[Firen]

I signed up for her live Zoom session on Tuesday.

[Anastacia42]

Oh, good!

[Firen]

Hi Stacy,

I just wanted to check in. I went to Byron Katie's workshop and it was a good reminder. I listened to one of her podcast episodes too. I will keep listening and learning how I can unravel the stories.

I have been doing ButtChair. I've also been listening to Vince Schubert's live calls. I hope that's ok. He has mentioned LU several times. I'm pretty sure I found him through LU.

The seeking has not died down but it has begun to have more a softness around it than before. I can sometimes approach things with just curiosity rather than trying to get to this destination called awake. I am seeing that being here now is so full of life that even if I don't get any further, that will be ok. And really I'm not going to get any further than I am going to get, and I'm going to go as far as I'm going to go. There really isn't anything to be stressed about. And nowhere to go, really. If I wake up, if the world wakes up. I don't know. It's not something I decide. It's all perfect.

Stories are still happening. I've been able to sit with sensations a tiny bit more and spin stories a tiny bit less. There's one more millisecond between the feeling or the thought and the judgment that inevitably happens than there was before. A tiny crack of spaciousness. Sometimes the story tries to spin up but I'm just not interested and I don't pick it up. Or I pick it up and I'm bored and I put it back down.

I'm also noticing how things just happen on their own. There is this belief that I am choosing. Or that I can control some things. And it seems like I can. This was tripping me up for a while. Like: I can control my breath if I focus on it. I can control my thoughts for a few seconds (sometimes). But it never lasts very long. I can choose to eat the carrot and not the cake. I can decide to go on a walk instead of taking a nap. But who is choosing? Everything always just returns to what it was already doing. I move, I talk, I breathe, I eat, I sleep. But I don't actually do any of it.

Moving. Talking. Breathing. Eating. Sleeping. Typing. Thinking. Looking. Thinking. Tapping the keyboard. Grinding teeth. Growing hair. Sitting on the bed. Looking down at the body. Thinking about how to turn feelings into words. Picking at a broken nail. Wondering if I should go to bed. Feeling pulled to do ButtChair now. Just for a few minutes before going to bed.

So I'm noticing more all the things that I don't actually do. The story of "me" still feels very real.

That's where I'm at now.

[Anastacia42]

Thanks

Yes, Vince is an excellent LU guide. Katie is not LU, but she is awake. She knows there's no self.

That last paragraph was the most real.

Moving. Talking. Breathing. Eating. Sleeping. Typing

The story of "me" still feels very real.

The illusion of "self" is only the lie Sensation of contraction plus a thought label & lie story.

Notice that. There's nothing to see, hear, feel, smell or taste. Nothing at all. How can that be real?

Loving

[Firen]

Yes, I see this. More in theory than in experience though.
I did some of the sensory exercises this morning. I get to a place where I feel like I'm a floating head in space. And then I realized my self feels somehow located in my head. Even when I'm sensing with my body it seems to be routing through my head. This must be the conceptual part. I will keep looking at this.

[Anastacia42]

Okay.

Try this:


Headless Way

Have a look around you. You can see colous of the room, of your 'feet’, of your ‘knees’, of your ‘chest’ and perhaps of your 'hands'.

Now point a finger towards the place where others see your head and face.

What do you see? Do you see your face? Do you see your head?

Do you see anything at all there - any colors, shapes, or any movement?

Looking into the place where others see your face, do you see colors or shapes there?

What do you find?

Loving,

[Firen]

What do you see? Do you see your face? Do you see your head?

Do you see anything at all there - any colors, shapes, or any movement?

No. There is nothing. I can't see anything there. I don't see any colors, shapes, or movement.

Looking into the place where others see your face, do you see colors or shapes there?

What do you find?

Nothing. There isn't anything there that I can see.

[Anastacia42]

Right.

How did it FEEL to see there's nothing there?

Loving,

[Firen]

How did it FEEL to see there's nothing there?

It felt weird and surprising to realize I've never actually seen my own face or head, my neck or ears in reality. Never seen them directly. But then my mind kicks in and says "well but of course they're there...I know it because I have seen them in a reflection and in photos and I've touched my face, my ears, my head...and other people have told me they're there." So then the feeling is relegated to just an odd realization about the fact that my eyes are in my head and so of course they can't see my head.