Free from prison of feelings

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Inkeri
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Free from prison of feelings

Postby Inkeri » Tue Jul 11, 2017 2:38 am

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I some how understand that we are all energy and in that way the same. But I (as character/ body/ thinker) experience life my way. Who is the one that experiences all that? And I do not deeply understand why I (?) experience certain feelings and situations in life. (Over and over again). It's hard to ignore feelings and they easily take over.

What are you looking for at LU?
That I get help to understand life bigger. That I could get free from my own prision that I have built. I run into same unpleasant feelings over and over again and I am tired of feeling bad. I sometimes feel like someone else is taking over me (?) and I feel feelings that I know to be false. But in those moments I belive them. I don't want to take life so personally anymore. I don't want to be a victom anymore. And I want to start believing in life and me and people around me. I want to be free.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
That they could find the right questions for me to dig in to. I feel lost quite often and incomplete. It's hard to stay present in the moment. My mind is so fast and thinking of many things at the same time. Controlling everything. But I do not now how to get free from this.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have seeked my self activly now for 6 years. I've been meditating and regodnizing the ego. Trying to be present and feeling how I feel and what I need. Not to force anything to happen. Intuition.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?": 10

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Bambaji
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Bambaji » Mon Jul 24, 2017 8:47 am

Good morning

My name is Bambaji and I am a guide here at LU.

Are you ready to look into the illusion of self? Would you be happy to work with me?

Bambaji

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Inkeri
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Inkeri » Mon Jul 24, 2017 9:37 am

Hi Bambaji!
Yes, I would be very happy to work with you. Thank you so much for your time.

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Bambaji
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Bambaji » Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:23 am

Hi Bambaji!
Yes, I would be very happy to work with you. Thank you so much for your time
Excellent!!

So, first off, please agree to post at least once a day, or let me know if you are unable to do so. Also, have a quick look around the site and familiarise yourself with how it works. The quote function is very useful.

How would you like me to address you? Inkeri or some other name?

I'll wait to hear from you and then we'll get started :)

Bambaji

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Inkeri
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Inkeri » Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:48 am

Yes, Inkeri in fine :)
I have been looking at the site and feel ready to start! I have also been reading Gateless crashers -stories while waiting my turn ;) Feel excited and also a bit terrifyed at the same time.

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Bambaji
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Bambaji » Mon Jul 24, 2017 12:41 pm

Great. It's quite good not to dilute your experience of looking by reading other things or taking part in other practices during this time. Gateless Gatecrashers is ok as it is on the same theme, but can give an expectation, so consider taking a rest from it for now.
Feel excited and also a bit terrifyed at the same time.
This seems a good place to start! Look at these feelings. What makes one exciting and one terrifying? What is experiencing these feelings?

I won't reply to any post until tomorrow, so relax in and take your time looking.

Bambaji x

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Inkeri
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Inkeri » Mon Jul 24, 2017 9:40 pm

Good evening Bambaji!
You wrote:
"This seems a good place to start! Look at these feelings. What makes one exciting and one terrifying? What is experiencing these feelings?"

Hmmm.. Excitement is felt when I think the possibility that I could soon understand/ realize/ get something deaper in my presence, what life is really about. I think I might have had moments in life, when everything is just as it should be. No forcing, no expectations, "perfect" in it's natural way. Me as a part of it, not seperate. Melting in it's presence, as one. No disturbing toughts. Unfortunately these moments don't last very long and my persona takes over again.

That's when I come to terrifying feelings. Sometimes I do not like myself. I have had these weird moments when I desperately needed a holiday from me. A feeling that I want to run away as far as I can and not to take me and my life with me. (How crazy is that!) I'm afraid what I possibly will come up against by looking. I'm afraid that if I'm not in control, everything will fall apart. I do not have faith in life (or my husband) even if I wanted to. We have a very active 18months old daughter who keeps me buisy. And I easily get kind a stuck in her life and needs, so I forget me and my needs, just doing the daily jobs like laundry, food, cleaning etc. Like a robot. And another "big thing for me"; she has also been a bad sleeper almost a year now and I'm tired every day. And when I'm tired, I'm more easily irritated. That is difficult thing to approve. I realize that I do not accept her the way she is and resistance is tireding me more. I can't seem to accept this.

"What is experiencing these feelings?" Good question. The person I'm identified with. But when I look deeper, the feelings just are there. If do not take them as "mine" it would be easier. (Not there yet).

So, I appreciate your help with a big heart!

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Bambaji
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Bambaji » Tue Jul 25, 2017 8:26 am

Good morning Inkeri, thank you for your post

Take a quick look at the quote function, we use it a lot with these conversations. Highlight the text you are referring to from my post, come back to the page you are writing in and press the 'quote' button on the top line under the subject heading. Paste in between these two quote boxes. Thanks.

Ok, let's look at your response to my question
What makes one exciting and one terrifying?
:
Hmmm.. Excitement is felt when I think the possibility that I could soon understand/ realize/ get something deaper in my presence, what life is really about. I think I might have had moments in life, when everything is just as it should be. No forcing, no expectations, "perfect" in it's natural way. Me as a part of it, not seperate. Melting in it's presence, as one. No disturbing toughts. Unfortunately these moments don't last very long and my persona takes over again.

That's when I come to terrifying feelings. Sometimes I do not like myself. I have had these weird moments when I desperately needed a holiday from me. A feeling that I want to run away as far as I can and not to take me and my life with me. (How crazy is that!) I'm afraid what I possibly will come up against by looking. I'm afraid that if I'm not in control, everything will fall apart. I do not have faith in life (or my husband) even if I wanted to. We have a very active 18months old daughter who keeps me buisy. And I easily get kind a stuck in her life and needs, so I forget me and my needs, just doing the daily jobs like laundry, food, cleaning etc. Like a robot. And another "big thing for me"; she has also been a bad sleeper almost a year now and I'm tired every day. And when I'm tired, I'm more easily irritated. That is difficult thing to approve. I realize that I do not accept her the way she is and resistance is tireding me more. I can't seem to accept this.
You have a lot going on. Take a step back from all that, breath, and sit with excitement and sit with terror. Without the story that is told around those two feelings, what defines them? Without a story, how do you tell the difference between them?
But when I look deeper, the feelings just are there. If do not take them as "mine" it would be easier. (Not there yet).
You are already looking, very good to do this. Keep looking at feelings that come up. Look at what happens around the feeling and the story of that feeling. There is no right or wrong way of doing this, it is simple observation. Stories arise, don't try to do anything about that, just look: feeling story feeling story.

What are these stories?

Go gently, report back

Bambaji x

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Inkeri
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Inkeri » Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:32 am

Hello Bambaji!
You have a lot going on. Take a step back from all that, breath, and sit with excitement and sit with terror. Without the story that is told around those two feelings, what defines them? Without a story, how do you tell the difference between them?
Yes.

Terror feels like it's paralyzing me (my body and mind). My throat is choking and I get dizy. I'm kind of unable to do or think anything else in that moment. I feel like crying. Like the whole world is pressing me down. Uncomfortable feeling. (After writing my yesterdays post, I had those feelings. And more now when I read your response. For example The guote-thing. Yes.. Story again, sorry!)
I have a huge fear that I do something wrong and feel stupid.

Excitement. It's light, bubbly feeling, butterlfys in the stomach. Hope arises that living might be easier. Everything is open and flows freely.
You are already looking, very good to do this. Keep looking at feelings that come up. Look at what happens around the feeling and the story of that feeling. There is no right or wrong way of doing this, it is simple observation. Stories arise, don't try to do anything about that, just look: feeling story feeling story.
What are these stories?

Yes again. I am master of stories. I have a big need to justify what I do or did, so it would be approved (by someone else). This story-telling is going on in my head so fast that it has usually been going on a while, when I notice it. But now I ralize, It's just a story. It does not define me. It's not me. It does not make me good or bad, better or worse. (Crying as I write this). Omg what a prison I have built!

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Bambaji
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Bambaji » Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:49 am

Go gently honey, this work can be very powerful but you are doing fine.

Stories are just stories
Terror feels like it's paralyzing me (my body and mind). My throat is choking and I get dizy. I'm kind of unable to do or think anything else in that moment. I feel like crying. Like the whole world is pressing me down. Uncomfortable feeling. (After writing my yesterdays post, I had those feelings. And more now when I read your response. For example The guote-thing. Yes.. Story again, sorry!)
I have a huge fear that I do something wrong and feel stupid.

Excitement. It's light, bubbly feeling, butterlfys in the stomach. Hope arises that living might be easier. Everything is open and flows freely.
All stories!! It's fine, we all tell stories all the time. Noticing them is very good, can be freeing. Go gently.
Yes again. I am master of stories. I have a big need to justify what I do or did, so it would be approved (by someone else). This story-telling is going on in my head so fast that it has usually been going on a while, when I notice it. But now I ralize, It's just a story. It does not define me. It's not me. It does not make me good or bad, better or worse. (Crying as I write this). Omg what a prison I have built!
Not good, not bad, yes, perfect. Keep with this. Notice that stories are just thoughts. They are thoughts that we call stories!! Lol. We only really get in to trouble when we start believing and acting out on them. Stories and thoughts, and thoughts of stories!!!

Write more as you keep looking.

Bambaji x

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Inkeri
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Inkeri » Tue Jul 25, 2017 3:02 pm

First of all, a big warm thank you already at this point! You are saving my life and I really can't thank you enough that you take the time to help me! <3
Not good, not bad, yes, perfect. Keep with this. Notice that stories are just thoughts. They are thoughts that we call stories!! Lol. We only really get in to trouble when we start believing and acting out on them. Stories and thoughts, and thoughts of stories!!!
I felt a big relief today after my first post (and a cry). I was able to let go of some control and fear. And my feelings have been more smooth after that. I had a moment where I felt the stupidness around all this "beliveing the thoughts and the stories". And how my life has been difficult so far because of that! Just because I belive the story-teller in my head. No more!

I have spent the day mostly observing what is happening. I have a loud story-teller living in my head and I woul like to fire her ass!

I had a few moments today, when I was going to the wrong path, believing a thought and the feeling after that and owning it. But managed to notice it and to let it go. And it went. This is what I have for now.

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Bambaji
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Bambaji » Tue Jul 25, 2017 4:43 pm

Hi
First of all, a big warm thank you already at this point! You are saving my life and I really can't thank you enough that you take the time to help me!
You are welcome :)
I have a loud story-teller living in my head and I would like to fire her ass!
Lol!! Don't we all!!

Do you have a sense that there is a separate self experiencing these feelings and listening to these stories?

x

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Inkeri
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Inkeri » Tue Jul 25, 2017 6:56 pm

Do you have a sense that there is a separate self experiencing these feelings and listening to these stories?
Well... I'm having a hedace for trying to understand that there are not. Even when I understand that this cannot be understood by head. But I have to say that yes, I do have a sense that there is a seperate self. Me as a character have own experience and someone else a different one. That's how I sense it. How to see differently?

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Bambaji
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Bambaji » Wed Jul 26, 2017 8:09 am

Good morning
I do have a sense that there is a seperate self. Me as a character have own experience and someone else a different one. That's how I sense it. How to see differently?
This is an interesting area to look at, because it's a paradox isn't it? In some ways we are separate, but in the most fundamental way there is no separation. Think of a tree: one trunk, lots of branches and twigs and leaves, but just one tree. So you will have your own experiences, your own thoughts, your own characteristics - why wouldn't you?! Sometimes there is an expectation that seeing through the illusion is going to stop all of that, but you will still be you, just with an awareness of who you really are!

Try this: sit quietly with your eyes closed. Thoughts may come, no problem, let them come and go, just sit. Without too much effort tune into a sound, doesn't matter what it is. Sit with it. Look closely. Where is the boundary between you and the sound? Is there one? Is there somewhere in your experience where that sound isn't? You can try this with eyes open too, it's just sometimes easier to begin with eyes closed. Look and look. Report back. No thoughts or stories about your experience, just what you truly found.

Have fun :)

x

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Inkeri
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Re: Free from prison of feelings

Postby Inkeri » Wed Jul 26, 2017 12:07 pm

Hi Bambaji!
Without too much effort tune into a sound, doesn't matter what it is. Sit with it. Look closely. Where is the boundary between you and the sound? Is there one? Is there somewhere in your experience where that sound isn't?
I see it. No boyndarys. I became the music. It was so beautiful, like the whole world could hear the music, we were one. Where ever the mind flew, the music followed. I just obseved. I think I can now sense better the fundamental part where separation does not exist. I have experienced these "states" befor when meditating, but this image you gave me helped to understand what I experience. So grateful! <3


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