Journey

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ShrnRbrts
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Journey

Postby ShrnRbrts » Mon Mar 27, 2017 3:25 am

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
There is understanding that 'self' we generally cling on to is an illusion - programmed false beliefs, who we think we are, who others think we are. Characters playing parts, or parts being played through the character.

What are you looking for at LU?
Guidance and support. Sense of community. Learning how others experience Truth, or arrived at Truth. Sharing of experiences. Learning to become less attached to the story, especially when in the thick of it. Regular focus.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Deeper understanding. Interesting conversation. I guess there may be two way healing. Support in letting go of the fear and the clinging to 'this is happening to me' I expect to be challenged, but possibly also validated. It can be a very lonely journey at times.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have practiced Yoga for 25 years - teaching for around 12. Meditation practice for 13 years - studied directly and 'initiated' by a Yoga Master when I lived in Oman for 5 months. Had the realisation of the nothingness around that time, which was very comforting, very expansive - perfect! But not knowing what to do with it and life goes on as 'normal'

A relationship with a psychopath changed everything. The pathological lies. Where else have I been lied to? Oh gee! Everywhere! Did many hours of inner child work uncovering false beliefs, discovering when and why I wrote those programs. Realised - we ALL do this! All lied to. All tell lies. All believe our own lies - thinking all is true! Discovered I am not who I thought and neither is anyone else. There was significant trauma, which I believe resulted in Shamanic awakening - I began seeing the previously unseen - the spiritual entities that manipulate our thinking and behaviour and like to keep us in fear and trauma - that the human energy is being harvested - we are not at the top of the food chain, after all. YET, I know this is also part of the illusion, but haven't realised why. It's a deeper layer of the illusion, it seems. I understand all are part of the same energy source - but seeing the duality of good and evil. I realise there will be more to see as the veil lifts, as the awareness expands and so many more questions. I understand the entity stage may also serve as a distraction, but I'm really not sure. Anyway, I have a Shamanic practice because this experience. Interestingly, although he didn't mean to be, the psychopath has been my greatest spiritual teacher as yet. Previous to this experience I was very comfortable with non-duality and felt like I totally got it. So why have I been shown non-duality at a deeper level?

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?:
10

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Ilona
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Re: Journey

Postby Ilona » Thu Apr 06, 2017 1:56 pm

Hi ShrnRbrts

Welcome to LU forum! Glad you made it here :)
We can have a conversation and see where it goes. All i ask is your complete honesty and answering from your own experience, when ready. This is your process, I'm only here to support, so feel free to write when you feel like and use this platform as a place for your inquiry. I will answer when I can.

You say that there is understanding that self is an illusion. Is this your experience or something that you arrived at by logic and thinking?

Looking forward to working with you

Best regards
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ShrnRbrts
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Re: Journey

Postby ShrnRbrts » Thu Apr 06, 2017 3:27 pm

Hi Ilona

Thank you for your reply. I look forward to working with you.

I'll have a little think about how I reached my understanding and get back to you with my response.

Sharon

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ShrnRbrts
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Re: Journey

Postby ShrnRbrts » Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:22 am

Hi Ilona

Lying in the bath, there was thought about your question. There is knowing from the Yoga Scriptures that we experience what we think is reality through the illusion of our 5 senses. I felt into this - ok, so if I couldn't feel, I wouldn't feel this water, legs against the bath tub, this sensation of warm, that cold tap on my foot. There was the feeling of body merging with surrounding, legs melting into the plastic bath. Without sight, no steam, no candle light, I don't see the body that I no longer feel. Without hearing - there is no splashing, no fan humming, nobody outside slamming the car door. Without taste, no taste from the chocolate egg I didn't see or feel going in my mouth, nor did I hear the crunch. Without smell, those essential oils I thought I added to the water have disappeared. With this exercise, only pure consciousness seemed to exist. Without the sensory input, no thoughts arising. Understanding that I only think I am separate from the water, the steam, the bath, the chocolate egg the slamming door. There is only thought that I am lying in the bath, experiencing water and delicious scents.

During meditation, during fleeting moments, there has been merging. Feeling of no body. No thought. Freedom. Lighter vibration. Being aware of denser energy/thoughts keeping from that pure awareness, pulling back to body and me.

There is awareness of watching Sharon playing her programmed roles. Cooking. Laughing. Walking. Doing yoga. Crying. Fearing. Talking. Responding. Sharon gets caught up in the stories, but the watcher observes. Ego desires to know what's going on, to make everything ok and to understand and be understood. There is understanding or feeling that it is Ego that is clinging, surviving. Fear of Ego death - so Ego keeps the illusion going - presenting new illusions, tricks - think about that, solve that, fix that, don't kill me!!

That's the thoughts arising..

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Ilona
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Re: Journey

Postby Ilona » Fri Apr 07, 2017 12:54 pm

Thank you love reply, sounds that you had a lovely bath experience :)

You say we experience everything through five senses. Let's look into that. How do you experience the so called ego? Can you touch, hear, smell, tast, see this ego? Where is this ego found? How do you even know that there is ego?
Is there sharon and then her ego, like two entities doing different things?
Describe in detail what you observe.
Can something that does not exist die?


Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ShrnRbrts
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Re: Journey

Postby ShrnRbrts » Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:50 pm

In the bath, experiencing sense withdrawal, along with thought, Ego also disappeared. (fleetingly). There is no Ego to be felt, seen, heard, etc. Ego is a thought - a thought that seems to think! No - it can't be found. No, I don't know it actually is there, but can relate to what I've read and been told about Ego and think - ah - that was Ego did that!

Your questions remind me of a question I asked myself about Karma, after reading Freedom from the Bondage of Karma - a Swami Rama book. I concluded that if there could be ultimate freedom, it never actually existed - like everything else, including Ego, only as an idea in our heads. Yet, seemingly very real when attached to the thought of it.

Is Ego an entity? After experiencing seeing various non-human entities expressing through a person, there is awareness that it's not always what was previously assumed as human consciousness expressing through the body. A newer awareness that the human consciousness can be hijacked and manipulated. The appearance of various entities in a body. This led me to consider if Ego is also an entity that hops onboard as we leave babyhood? There does seem to be(for me) Ego, Soul and Spirit. (Father/Son/ Holy Spirit. Vishnu/Shiva/Brahma?) Separate, but not separate. You see, seeing the non-human entities was not a programmed belief, or conditioned response, or even a thought previous to seeing, but of course without sensory perception there would not have been the seeing, or even feeling the darker, damp, yuk energy - so there is understanding this seeming awareness is also illusion. It's been quite the curve ball. The thought arising is that both Ego and Soul don't actually exist, but that is just the thought - it still feels like they do.

Something (ego) that does not exist can not die. Only the idea of it can.

Sending love to you too.

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Ilona
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Re: Journey

Postby Ilona » Sun Apr 09, 2017 12:36 am

Can idea die?
Can a thought think?

Try this exercise: Imagine there is a unicorn in your room. What do you need to do to get rid of him? Can he die? What happens? Try to get rid of him.

Write what you notice
Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ShrnRbrts
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Re: Journey

Postby ShrnRbrts » Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:47 pm

Idea just is. It doesn't die, thinking may be directed elsewhere instead.

The thought doesn't think. Thought programs.

Hello Unicorn.
Thank you for coming. Come sit. Let me stroke you. Yes! Snuggle up on my bed.
I have to get rid of you now. I actually don't want to get rid of you.
Gee Sharon, why, WHY, would you get rid of Unicorn? I know! Who would?!
I should try.
Ok. Unicorn you should go now. Yes, off you go.
Oh good! You're still here!

The only way to 'get rid' of Unicorn was to stop thinking about him, when thought went elsewhere. Of course, thinking about him has brought him back.

Interestingly, after doing the exercise, the first thing seen online was 'Happy National Unicorn Day!'

xx

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Ilona
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Re: Journey

Postby Ilona » Mon Apr 10, 2017 4:15 pm

Haha, happy unicorn day! :)

Yes, you see that stopping thinking about unicorn is what makes it disappear.
Now have a look, where is the i, when there is no i thought?
Is I thought a special thought from which other thoughts come?
Where does the i go when there is no i thought?
How is it different from a unicorn thought?


Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ShrnRbrts
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Re: Journey

Postby ShrnRbrts » Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:03 pm

The 'I' is nowhere to be found. It has disappeared without 'I' thought.
Other thoughts just come. Not from "I' unless of course, there is thought that "I' really need to think about this or that - then it seems that I am thinking, but really, thoughts just come.
I doesn't get up and go when there is no I thought. I is just forgotten about until thought about again - thought might arise - I need a drink, or I need to do this now. Thought brings I back. No different to Unicorn thought.

xx

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Ilona
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Re: Journey

Postby Ilona » Mon Apr 10, 2017 11:42 pm

Good stuff!
Here is an exercise for you
http://markedeternal.blogspot.mx/2012/0 ... s.html?m=1
Do it here or on paper, it does not matter. It will help to see more clearly how this I thought is part of description of what is happening.

How does it feel to see this?

Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ShrnRbrts
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Re: Journey

Postby ShrnRbrts » Tue Apr 11, 2017 9:06 pm

Hello

The exercise was interesting. 'I' felt like the do-er, the body sensation was restriction and tightness - quite stressful, really. Whereas, without 'I' , sensation was more expansive, calmer, everything be-ing rather than I do-ing.

There feels less panic.

with love.

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Ilona
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Re: Journey

Postby Ilona » Wed Apr 12, 2017 4:22 pm

Wonderful. Can you see how language creates the subject?
What does word I refer to?
what does I do?
How description of what is happening affects feeling about what is happening? Look there and describe what you notice.

Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ShrnRbrts
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Re: Journey

Postby ShrnRbrts » Fri Apr 14, 2017 2:37 pm

Yes - I see how language creates the subject.

I seems to refer to the thing experiencing life, having thoughts (yet the thought just come), feeling emotions, doing things - it seems that I is the do-er. The feel-er. The experience-er.

If things are just happening without I, there is more flow, less concern. Life just happens. When I is involved, it feels like I have to control the situation, the outcome. I feels the need to survive.

xx

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Ilona
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Re: Journey

Postby Ilona » Fri Apr 14, 2017 7:11 pm

Do you need to do anything in order to survive? Is aliveness something you need to make happen? Can you switch it off at will? Or is it on by default?

Things are already happening without I, there is no I, it only seems that there is. Try to find it. Find what is not happening on automatic in your experience here now. What do you actually do?

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book


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