Tired of searching and not finding :(

[EverChanging]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
The inherent ‘self’ is a story of separation that has been reinforced unknowingly by family, friends, teachers, society. As we learn to communicate, we become very defensive because the thoughts/feelings, that we claim as our own, are always assaulting us. But the truth is the ‘self’ owns nothing and there is nothing to defend.

What are you looking for at LU?
The seeker in me has been aroused since 2015. When my daughter was going through some really tough psychological times, I had given up on all hope of there being any God. Then one night something sat me up from a sound sleep and a white orb asked if I wanted to be awakened. Then about 2 weeks later the same thing happened and I was asked if I wanted the knowledge. I intrinsically responded “YES” to both even though I had no idea what that meant.

Since then, everything about how I live is to find the truth of what this world is really about and who I really am, if anything at all! My husband and two daughters began to worry about me because I had changed so much literally overnight. I don’t find joy in the same things I used to and have traveled to many retreats on my own. There seems to be this momentum building in me and I cannot stop looking.

I am looking for LU to help me actualize the truth of no-self. I have tried many different roads, but none have given me lasting results. If you are willing to hold my feet to the fire, I am willing to be honest, open, and dedicated to putting the flames out. I really want a bit of flow to come out of all the seeking.

I am here and I am dedicated!

What do you expect from a guided conversation? I expect many more questions than answers.

I want questions that help me explore deeper into what my beliefs hold now. I know intellectually that there is no-self, but I am not aware of that in my everyday life. I try questioning thoughts, feelings, or events when I think of it, but it is still “me” questioning. Then it gets complicated and my thought process goes something like:

Am ”I” questioning “I”? Aren’t they the same thing? So, if “I” is ego, then who is questioning this non-existent thing? Just an example of the craziness that can go on in my head.

I am looking forward to constructive searching instead of going in circles around ambiguous ideas.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
A Course in Miracles was the first main text I was led to. I went through those lessons and text 3 times and found more questions than answers. Others do well with this text, but I struggle with it and feel like awakening is so far off and so abstract that I’ll never get it.

Then I dipped my toes in the following teachings over the past 10 years: (no order)

Eckert Tolle
Darryl Anka- channels being named “Bashar”
Lee Carol- channels being named “Kryon”
Louise Hays
Deepak Chopra
Dr. Joe Dispenza (7-day retreat)
Dr. David Hawkins
Alan Watts
Neale Donald Walsh
Dolores Cannon
Jed McKenna

Gateless Gatecrashers
Liberation Unleashed
The Seth Books
The Law of One
The Secret
The Four Agreements

It goes on and on!

My most resent endeavor was to read, Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramahansa Yogananda and attend a retreat to become initiated in Kriya Yoga. I tried for several months to follow the meditation schedule, but it did not work out.

Soooooo, the search continues and I have been led to this site by a book I read on Kindle titled, Finding Awakening, by Christine Michelberger.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[Anastacia42]

My name is Stacy and I can be your guide, if you would like.

I was a Course in Miracles student for 25 years. I have never met anyone who woke up through that course.

I no longer believe there's a god.

One thing that is helpful is to come to this forum
& post every day. Sometimes the site goes down. It will be back. Just come back later.

Yes, if once in a while you must post later, please post a note telling me when you will return.

If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Some housekeeping guidelines:

1. Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

2. There is no one judging answers given, so please be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.

3. This exploration is based on actual experience (AE) - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts. Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. This is not a self-improvement process. There is no ‘self’ to improve.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

Technology is not perfect and sometimes there is a glitch which can wipe out your responses. It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. Always save a copy of what you have done, it will save time in the long run!

https://youtu.be/wyNwhK2Ur1c?si=TZwuFEst-7Hsadpu

To begin with, so that we both become aware of what your expectations are about this exploration. In your own words (not from actual experience, but just honest answers), could you please answer the 4 following questions:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing?

Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. Please answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text.

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?


Loving,

[EverChanging]

Hi Stacy,

Thank you so much for offering to be my guide. I am excited and nervous to actually begin this process.
I have read the disclaimer and “What Liberation Unleashed is Not…” and agree with what is stated in both.

What would you like for me to call you?

You can call me El.

What time zone are you in, please?

I am Eastern Standard Time.

Before I answer the next four questions, I would just like to share something with you that happened as I was reading Liberation Unleashed and signed up for a guide. I had a dream where my “I” said “Do you want to know what it is like to not have me anymore?” and then it plummeted me into smaller and smaller bubbles until I finally reached a bubble of blackness where I couldn’t breathe. Then after a bit I started to go back up the bubbles and started to scream and my husband woke me up. Then a few nights later I dreamed my consciousness was caught in the top of a bench with nowhere to escape. Is this just my fears coming to the surface? I won’t let these experiences stop me from going forward, but was just wondering if this is a normal thing that can happen.

How will life change?

Life will be more of a series of events/feelings/thoughts that happen in the moment to be experienced, then released. Stories of how “I” am affected by these events will be less and less as there won’t be anything to attach to them.

How will you change?

My inner dialogue will quite as the realization that there is no one here becomes more and more clear. Things will just move through me without getting stuck in all the stories.

What will be different?

A sense of peace will prevail because there will no longer be a “me” that can carry anger, guilt, fear, shame around. Life will be lived without all the labels.

What is missing?

I am missing connection with the truth of who I am. My searching wants to end this misconnection by finding the love that is here now, but feels just out of reach.

[Anastacia42]

Hi El,

Honestly, I don't pay a lot of attention to dreams. Yes, that's probably just fear. But since there has never been a self there's really nothing to be afraid of.

If you would like I can give you a link to some guided meditation to handle fear.

And this will not solve all your problems. There will be a lot to unravel once you see that there is no self. I can connect you to some group support and I highly recommend the Work of Byron Katie ( www.thework.com ) to unravel anything causing you suffering.

Now what comes up when reading that there is no separate self, never has been, and never will be? That the whole thing was a made up story that we believed.


Loving,

[EverChanging]

Hello Stacy,

I agree that dreams are just dreams and are nothing to get caught up in. I will pass on the meditation because it is not a problem in everyday life for me. Thank you so much for responding to this inquiry. You just helped reinforce what I already innately knew!

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

I am definitely open to digging into Byron Katie’s work and to connecting to support groups. I just don’t want to set myself back by spreading myself to thin. But, if these things will help me along this road of understanding no self, then I am all for it.

Now what comes up when reading that there is no separate self, never has been, and never will be? That the whole thing was a made up story that we believed.

The first thing that comes up strongly is that I know there is a truth here and want to dive into any information that explains this any further. I know the mind will swing this information to keep the self in charge, but it is a compulsion I now have. Reading this information really gives me a sense of liberation and being part of this forum gives me hope that this truth can be seen.

To be honest, there is also a bit of anxiety wondering how different things will be when oneness is realized. I know it is said that nothing really changes but your perspective, but that still seems unclear to me.

[Anastacia42]

That is good that you recognize it as true.

there is also a bit of anxiety wondering how different things will be when oneness is realized. I know it is said that nothing really changes but your perspective, but that still seems unclear to me.

There is already no self. The only thing that changes is your perspective and it will be unclear until you actually see. There's no way to explain it. That's how we get all of the parables and Buddha saying that there's a finger pointing at the moon.

Yes, fear and expectations are the only 2 things that can keep you from seeing that there is no separate self. That's why we ask about those first.


This is how to LOOK for no self in the exercises - we call them "pointers' - that we will be doing here:

Colored Socks

There is a big difference between knowing that there is nothing to give up and seeing that there is nothing to give up.

Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what color socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to come up with an answer:

• You can think about it, you can think back to this morning and try to remember putting your socks on, and you can probably tell me what color you think they are.

• Alternatively, you can take a quick look at your socks and tell me what color they actually are!

Hopefully you would agree that you can only be 100% certain by looking.

For the purpose of seeing this "no self" idea, it is very important that you are clear about this difference.

Knowing is about knowledge which is all in the mind and we are not interested in that

We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on in your present moment-to-moment experience. We are only interested in your Direct Experience in the moment..

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.



Loving,

[EverChanging]

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.

I am clear about this. I will give my direct experience and not the stories in my head!

Also, I am getting stressed out about doing the Byron Katie work on top of this. I just started a new job and I was hoping that I could just stick to our line of questioning for now. I know it is getting at the same truth, but it is just another thing on my plate.

[Anastacia42]

Sure, put The Work on the backburner until later. but those questions can relive all stress & I don't say that lightly.

Now try this:

Direct Experience - Labeling Daily Activities

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

So for example, when having breakfast, become aware of:

Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists exactly like the one above.

Post several of your own observations in a list *exactly* like the one above, please.

Refer to the green list of Actual/Direct Experience in the prior post if that helps. Those are the only items any experience can be.

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Also Ilona is offering an 8 week class that I want you to know about

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=10162&p=419178#p419178

Loving,

[EverChanging]

Hi Stacy,
I am sorry I didn’t reply back within 24 hours. I started a new job this week and have been putting in lots of hours.

I signed up for IIona’s 8 week class and think that might be the better way for me to explore as I will have a little more freedom of when I can get to inquires.

Sorry again for not being able to follow through on the timing of my replies.

Ellen

[Anastacia42]

Hi Ellen,

You can do both. It's just good to keep momentum going.

Up to you.

Loving,

[EverChanging]

I would love to continue to work with you. Give me a day or two and I will post what you asked for in the last exercise. I am trying to be conscious of it throughout my workdays. Thanks for understanding.

[Anastacia42]

Sounds good.

Loving,

[EverChanging]

Good morning Stacy!

Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists exactly like the one above.

Post several of your own observations in a list *exactly* like the one above, please.

Seeing a blanket = image/color
Hearing the dog bark, simply = sound
Feeling the keys of the computer, simply = feeling/sensation
Thought about what to type, simply = thought
Tasting coffee, simply = taste
Smelling coffee, simply = smelling
Hearing fan, simply = sound
Thought of getting up, simply = thought
Felling tongue on roof of my mouth, simply = feeling/sensation
Feeling steam from coffee on my nose, simply = feeling/sensation
Hearing my phone ding, simply = sound
Thinking “am I doing this correctly”, simply = thought

[Anastacia42]

Yes, that's correct.

I don't need you to quote that much of the instructions. Just enough that i can see what you're respond8ng to.

Next step:

Mind Labeling Experience

Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry.

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs.

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
typing,
breathing,
blinking,
hearing the clock.

(Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

2. What is here without labels?

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

4. Did you notice any differences in the body?

Loving,