I am still on the mend but feeling much better, thank you.Nice to have you back! I hope you are feeling better!
By the way, how is life these days?
"How is life these days" feels like a big question at the moment. I have had a lot going on lately with both work and family life, and I felt in-the-flow for quite a bit of it. As I mentioned, I've been extending the practice of noticing the hand moves without cause to various activities throughout the day, and that has brought some equanimity, in that I can see that things, even what 'I' am doing, are happening by themselves.
But getting ill during my work conference only increased my fears that my going was a waste of company resources. Today those of us that were sent got a debrief asking to put together a short presentation on what we've learned. I am dreading this, wondering how I can tell the most useful story about my time there in 5 minutes. I'm trying to directly experience the dread when the thought of it arises, but I struggle with knowing when I have looked enough and when I should just move my attention somewhere else. It's a short presentation over a week from now; I definitely don't have to do anything about it today, a Sunday.
This specific dread is accompanied by a more general dread of going back to work tomorrow. I'm thinking about how I've felt like everything I'm trying to get done at work seems to be becoming more and more an uphill battle. And then bigger questions arise, like whether this is the right job for me anymore, or even the right career. Again, I try to directly experience what's arising at these moments, but I come out of it feeling stuck, like I'm not actually getting anything done.
Yes, this is clear.Even though it might look as there are clearly defined senses, DE shows a different story. So even the senses are dependently originated which makes them also empty of inherent existence. To say it in another way, only thought can isolate “things” as separate and look for a relationship among them. So even the senses are empty, useful labels but still fictional. Is that clear?
I had to cut my walk short due to bad weather, so I didn't get to all the questions. Also, a lot of the time I was lost in other thoughts about the situations I mentioned above. But I held these questions in mind as best I could. I left feeling a bit defeated because I don't think I was able to get to the DE they are pointing to. To summarize what felt true at the time I left: These problems I am ruminating about are here in the forest because I am here in the forest. And when I go back home, they go back home with me. This feels like these problems go with 'me' places, and that feels like a separation.At this point, it will be a good DE exercise to get out for an actual walk in nature and observe interconnectedness. See how ALL is moving interdependently, including thinking and the senses. Hold these questions in mind:
Is there anything that is separate from everything else?
Is there a border that divides “me” and “my body” from everything else, or is it just a thought?
I don't believe that's ultimately true, but it's what I felt like as I ended the exercise.
I hope to continue with these questions with another nature walk tomorrow.Is that interdependent movement outside of you? Is there an “inside” and an “outside”?
Is there an owner of being?
Are there others? Is there an “I” in others?
Is there a “you”?