hi Vince. As usual thank you for your always useful and lovely reply. Back in Orlando now, to trees and nature and my animals. As soon as I drove in my neighborhood, I saw a beautiful buck standing at the side of the road, I usually see more deer than the males so at first I thought it was a statue, but it wasn’t and it looked so regal and wise. Very beautiful.
i thought that the laughter was a good way of celebrating the recognition of that, but someone else that i have been 'working' with had another response (spontaneously) which thought might be even better. She said "When thoughts rise up about …why me, no I don’t want this … and future events, watch them then turn to softness and sensing."
i really like this. It has a sense of forgiveness as well as the recognition.
I really like this too, many times I am not able to laugh upon recognition , maybe a smile, but I find laughter to be reserved for something which truly cracks me up. I like this idea of softening. It works more for me.
On this note, So I don’t know why and I don’t think it’s necessarily helpful but somehow it’s happening, is more seeking, much more, but not in an unsatisfied way, more in an exciting way, anyway I found myself listening to Adyashanti a lot recently and he pretty much says EXACTLY what LU says about the self not being real, his definition of grok, being an understanding with ones whole body, like an aha moment, understanding with more than just the intellect, is brilliant, I thought of you , so I have found myself at a point completely getting the fact that there is no self on an intellectual level, but not fully grokking it because it can’t be grokked with the mind, the mind can seek but will NEVER anle able to grasp its own self illusion, the eye can’t see the eye and all that. So useless yet I seek, the paradox to that, I know my prison has no bars yet I search for them. Silly.
I feel I am in a place where I see the fallacies and fables and myths all around me, see how I and mostly all in the world have been conditioned with these silky stories, especially religious and self help ones too, wow, and they are all so pointless, some may be useful for navigating the dream, but they are all silly and childish and nonsense.
also, in order to wake up , the paradox is, it appears that one has to have the desire to wake up perhaps in order to wake up, yet until seeking stops, one can’t wake up. And the ONE never wakes up anyway, cause it’s not real, Such a mystery. And I have no choice in the matter do I. You know I’ve been at this for years? Wow No control yet here I am having this guidance and conversation with you.
Whew, So now back from this ranting digression, what I wanted to say about this idea of softening is , I was looking at the archives and I came Across a very short thread for someone that you guided, and you spoke about this very thing.
Would you experience disappointment if you were to discover that what you are experiencing now, is liberation ?
In all of it's ordinariness, and with a projection of years of slow de-conditioning to look forward to ? Now this is the 'trick'. There is magic there, but one has to be really relaxed with the ordinariness to be sufficiently attentive to see it.
To put it another way, it takes total acceptance of what life offers to be able to see through the veil of what is considered 'normal' and appreciate the wonder.
If you see the stories that shape the constructs, the concepts that you most take to be literal, then you have the tools to continue to loosen the shackles of conformity.
Right now thoughts are rumbling in the background, with some momentum to go into scenario making but this noticing softens them... They seem transparent/meaningless. In an earlier post you mentioned a non conceptual perceiving that is always present but so subtle that most miss it. There seems to be a "soft space" behind the thoughts where thinking disappears when i simply notice what arises in the mind.
This brings us to a point where we realize that life-ing happens in a space before words arrive.
Not only do words completely fail to be adequate in describing with any subtlety, our experiencing, but they actively corrupt that experiencing when they arrive.
i 'get' from my experiencing, a sense of what you mean by "soft space". ..and yes, it is a gentle noticing. A place of no opinion or judgement. (we are forced by the limitations of language to use words like "space" and "place" as metaphors to communicate.)
And finally he said
Now, when thoughts do arise, and even occasionally when they are "indulged", there is a shifting to just noticing without judging whether or not these are pleasant or unpleasant (thoughts as well as sensations/feelings). They just die down naturally. that only a relaxed awareness is "needed. but seeing what you were pointing at: that the non-reactive noticing I described isn't something I do to get a result, but that it is merely(!) a recognition of that the "unmoving" silence of the noticing is It.
So all of this is to say that yes it is more helpful I think to soften, sense, relax, it is not judging and is non reactive, since it’s non judgemental it IS more forgiving. you said in one of the quotes ' gentle noticing' I like that a lot, it implies softening. The laughter thing will work when one sees the absurdities of the stories, but because for many, stories are so painful the laugh can seem contrived. Hope this makes sense. So gentle softening upon noticing
i am going to try from now on. Gentle and softening also imply RELAXED, don’t they? Another thing comes to mind is that notion that a guide pointed out to me once of the simple unclenching of the fist, many times, for me , when noticing the stories , I am in a contracted and tense state , so I can use your new tool of gently softening with the concept of relaxation and simply unclenching the fist, the setting down of snow globe. The laughter is more of a doing and this way is more of a letting go, a being. One thing I am really understanding from you is that these stories and patterns etc, that. JUST this soft gentle noticing is ALL that is required. nothing more.
Like yesterday I was with my mum and I was able to recognise feelings of tension and slight frustration coming up directed towards her, I couldn’t laugh at it, but I think I was able to soften and notice and it helped . More softening would have been better but maybe I have helped launch a new pattern, we will see .
don't know what "living in the instant" actually is. I'm human so of course i have thoughts and feelings about the future and the past. ..but they are what life presents. Just as every experience is what life presents. THIS IS IT was the catchphrase that happened for me as the epiphany happened where i realized that seeking was all about the future and the end of seeking could only happen when there was total, unequivocal, willing acceptance of whatever was happening.
I said instant instead of now because I realise there really is no now, but it wasn’t a great substitute I haven’t fully grokked the THIS IS IT yet but I plan to, even though as i write this word plan , realising this implies a future I chuckle. I think it will happen when it happens which will be in an instant . Maybe. Ha!
the more I don’t ruminate and just respond to conditions at hand
Excellent. Would you call this "living in the instant"?
YES! It’s reponsding to this , THIS IS IT. rumination is being lost in thoughts and these cause suffering
However, Sometimes when I start to feel anxiety or start to worry about something, and I am able to notice and move on, though, instead of freedom I get a nagging feeling of evading something I am supposed to look at, a resistance kind of, and it’s sticky. Does this make sense to you? It’s the insistence of the mind to do something rather than move one and forget that thought pattern.
Finally, sorry so long today , I am going to try the stories behind the feelings exercise. Also, thanks for the reading about the brain differences, interesting. I wonder if these differences are character traits, or peoples conditionings. Probably both. Animals don’t have a self but they have preferences and characteristics for sure. Some horses are goof balls naturally it seems although probably they might not be if they had different pasts. Interesting stuff
Happy Sunday by the time you get this.
I have noticed that there is always a sound to silence, much like the ringing sound of insects in the trees which I am hearing right now as my door is open. However even in the quiet of night, it’s like a continual ringing in my ears this sound, when I focus in on it, you can be in the tallest building and still the sound is there. When you focus upon it, otherwise it’s missed. I wonder if your tinnitus is really this. My story is it’s the original sound of OM, or what is, and all that. In the beginning was the word…. Sound seems primordial, also interesting to notice that the sense of hearing is the last one you lose upon death.
And, much like you taught me years ago to listen to the sound of the hawks and things in nature to remember to come back to the body, to the instant I dare say, well, listening to this Continual primordial sound also helps.
Another thing that helps is something Adyashanti said about when observing or noticing, kind of like the softening we were talking about, looking or noticing the way you would when you see a wild animal, you just kind of stop and ,look', with an innocent curiosity , it’s nothing to do with the mind, it’s like for that instant you break free beyond the illusion of self.
Feeling happy right now
Thank you thank you Vince , I appreciate everything you do for me and others