Hello Ingen,

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you.

(the bit about the paradoxes is a bit unclear - sorry, all I meant was regarding the "everything changing and nothing changing".) There is still the body, experience, emotion etc - its just that a shift in perception has ocurred.

The self ...

Hello Ingen,

Great to hear from you again. Sorry I have not replied to Ilona, I have taken a short break.

This is where "I" am at:

There is no I.
I is not even a thought. Thoughts are real. Emotion is real. Feeling is real. Seeing is real.
I is just a thing to which thoughts refer. There is no ...

You are right - I expect to see "emptiness" so I'm creating this in my mind.

I clearly see that my "self" is just conditioned responses. It doesn't exist other than as a collection of ideas or thoughts. I see that I never existed, don't exist now and never can.

But everything still feels the same ...

When I consider there is no me in any shape or form I have a moment of complete emptiness but this is quickly filled with thoughts - mostly thoughts like "this is my experience, I made this happen" and I am back where I started. Its like teetering on the edge of something huge then an attack of ...

Hi Ingen,

No - I don't decide what thoughts arise - although some seem more personal than others and some seem more automatic. But I think the personal ones are just automatic with a "personal" or "I" tag added to them by the mind.

The "mirage" analogy is good and I am sure this is true - but it ...

Ingen,

Thanks for your PM - its both! No time and as much thinking/contemplation as possible.

I don't know what I am expecting. If I am honest I'm probably hoping that all my problems will dissappear in a cloud of smoke - that life won't be a struggle. I think I have expectations of liberation too ...

I understand (intellectually) when you say I'll never find it and that I don't need to struggle.

Even though you say it can't be found, I seem to be clinging onto the thought that just because I can't locate it, this doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I think I'm going to need to go and look at this ...

I dont know what is doing the processing. But I notice that when i'm not paying attention, the thought seem to belong and be controlled by me.

For example.. if I hear a sound coming from outside the house, it appears to arise spontaneously and i have no control over it. However when i pay attention ...

Sorry, I said "different" in my last post. I meant SEPERATE.

I know my thoughts are not "mine". I see them arise. I can see thoughts happen without a "me" being present. But I still sense something processing all if this. Something "understanding" all of this. Is that thing that does that not a "me"?

The things it pocesses is different or separate from the ...

Hello Ingen,

I've been working myself up to this. But somehow still unprepared.

It's as if everything has been leading to this but... you guessed it - still unprepared! "Come to the party and bring your own drink." I've brought a bottle of confusion.

If you want to know where I am:

Feel as if I ...

Ready...