#3: Main difference is the construct "I" had a whole history of cause/effect, blame/consequences etc. which had piled up through my decades to be like a filing cabinet of why things are the way they are, what I did to cause them, etc. and of course what I could expect as a result of this. The ...

1) No. Not now, not ever. Just the idea of one.
2) From my own experience, the illusion of the separate self begins when another person, probably older or in authority to you, told me "how" I was (good girl, bad girl, etc.) A part of 'my' identity separated from me to watch over me, guide me, keep ...

Wanting very much to 'complete' this verbal agreement (post every day) and finding myself (a.) late for work
(b.) in the wake of a trip to Nashville yesterday with much great experience and some unwise choices rendering this biosuit most unsuited for functional role in its chosen drama today (c ...

Back later to give this the attention it deserves. Probably Monday.
Love,
~april

Please...

Sorry for delay in response. It seems very clear. No questions. Without the extra layer of pseudo-being, always with the commentary, experience is more direct, and while sometimes i want to attach meaning to a feeling, i can much more easily just feel it without having to encase it in context. Thank ...

No, there was just the story...the construct...painfully reiterated with help from forebears. What it is like in my daily life today to know there is no separate thinker is to be able to go from one thing to another without evaluating whether it is productive, if it is being done 'right' or the best ...

Is there a separate thinker? Chooser? Conductor of life? Any special way to be?

NO! to all of those. And somehow this NO yields to a YES!! SUCH A RELIEF! How utterly astounding!

There is 4 inches of snow on the ground and trees. Very beautiful and all
scheduled events are cancelled :) I AM HOME ...

Read an article by Nathan Gill titled "Clarity" today. Realized i have been resisting experience and yes, i still forget that i am not a separate self when i think if i feel 'bad' it means i have failed somehow. expectations lurking to jump up and go BOO. fog beginning to clear and though i feel the ...

Ahh! Thanks for being a compass.
Love, and Gratitude! ~april
Keeping it simple is such a gift.

Well, i''m not sure. Having a sort of contraction this morning...feeling small, uncomfortable, ?scared of being unworthy to be connected to everything. i know (really?) that if i am connected to everything, some of it won't be light, expansive, soft, easy. because not everything is. dark, hard ...

Dear Nettie ~ Been thinking about this all day. Usually words are not a problem but this...this is tough to express. I have seen through the illusion of a separate self, and it is a great relief for me. AND it is kind of unfamiliar, and sort of like having lived in a house that had walls, and all at ...

ray (most esteemed husband) and i were talking about that and wondered if Life wasn't just having the best time creating all these points of view interacting so as to get a lot of perspectives on Itself...i do wonder where the thoughts come from...
Love, april (it was great fun)

Dear Nettie ~ WOW just about says it all, except maybe YIPPEE, FAR OUT, and WOO HOOOO! Life being like it is 'here' is so good it couldn't have been orchestrated by "me" as "i' couldn't have arranged things so exquisitely. For about the first 30 years there was no thinking; april was like a radar ...

responding to the last one seen.