Dear Ilona, Again its been a while! I didnt get a notification that you'd messaged here and I didnt receive a private message. Typing on a small phone screen thats not so great at navigating with at the moment. My Pc is in for repair right now and it will be easier when I can see the website in full ...

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?



No. There is no physical independent entity that is an actual object or living creature behind that sense of I. There is nothing behind the sense of I.

2) Explain in detail what the ...

Big smiles and big hugs back and a big fat YES!
That I is nothing but fiction. Any thought, including doubt is the fiction at play. Life's just happening and in that happening there's a sense of I that appears as part of the flow. Its not a problem because the sense of I, or doer ship doesn't point ...

Thank you for sharing. Yes, it's a huge expectation that crossing this gateless gate is arrival to happy ever after. It's just an expectation. It's good to hear that it now has been dropped. There is no super awesome being, but rather simply being (verb) and feeling all, including super awesomeness ...

Now the story doesnt feel so solid or so often or so long lasting, though with some things feels like that sure but its been a long habit! and it seems that every time it appears to get worse it also clearer! more here with whats here than a very narrow focus/perspective of a personal self. Thanks ...

Hey Ilona. its been a wild ride! When we last spoke there was shocks investigating and contracting like worse than ever into stories..doubt..denial all playin out over and over, and a great dissapointment that it wasnt gonna change the story or the emotions or wipe away the sense of I..and an ...

Consider this-
What happened happened in the only way possible. There are no mistakes. There is no past. There is here now and thoughts ABOUT THE PAST. what is happening now is the only thing that can be happening. How to know?- it IS HAPPENING.

Yes.

Tell me, does the past drive what is ...

There was some fear coming up earlier about dying in an agonizing way, different scenarios and in them its like im there trapped as the person still unable to see that home is never lost or something like that.
And it feels like i should have looked by now amd ive not looked enough and thats down ...

It feels like i could have done better but chose to please myself instead, i could have been more patient, understanding or less hard to please or hard to talk to, less judgemental or not led by desires and it feels very real like i coukd have been another way if i had stopped being so selfish ...

is there a way to come from the angle of being space for the me, because the me angle feels like its me, and if what is here is knowing of that, can it be looked into from the knowing, damn, the knowing would become what seems like me then too$? sorry for my keys this is old laptop and doesn't work ...

a contraction, energy that feels contracted and that comes and thought says oh I suck, or something like that, and that's entertained and focused on and another, the strong ones are guilt about things done in the past that I would never do again, and things done in more recent times, like how I ...

A sensation of whats perceived as good or bad about who I am, or a thought, mostly negative, that seems to label the body/mind as belonging to someone who is not doing a good enough job of living or of waking up, that's what came apon reading, but its looked at from that veil of concepts instead of ...

theres ideas that maybe I am still too identified and even typing that I am saying I and it feels like I is who I am and this me is quite surprisingly held together by all the shitty things I have done and not so much the good, there feels an identity with the errors and the punishment for those ...

Trying to look at why not taking a proper look is happening....because of concepts that are there about what taking a look is all about and who will be taking a look. Today there were tears because I wanted this to stop the frightening and shocking things that can just spontaneously happen in life ...

Dear Ilona, I had to take some time out with it all, it felt like I was trying to look but in all the wrong ways and getting frustrated because the belief that something will be there to show for the trying to look. In daily life, theres a disbelief like a veil it seems, that who I think I am is not ...