Hi T

Thanks for your comments. What you said made a lot of sense. Its the expectation which is more of the problem in a way. Which triggers the anxiety and other emotions when it happens.

The confidence your talking of is growing.

Yes, I have an intuitive feel and confidence that such things ...

Hi T

As you can see I have just posted the final questions, which I wrote this morning. Experience has generally been identical to what I have expressed in the questions, for most of the week. But there was a short period of about 30 min today when I noticed my mind was in a much more divided state ...

7) In the experience, is there an experiencer?

The senses are all experienced as arising in the same space. There is not an entity behind or having any given experience. There is just experiencing happening. There can be thoughts and emotions commenting or reacting to experience, they can even ...

A few more..

3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.

It has felt different at different times. Early on in seeing it it provoked fear, anxiety and a host of physical symptoms. But this is less and less the case. its now like coming home or coming back to something, somehow always ...

Writing these really deepens and clarifies, something magical in this exchange, after sending the last post; tears, raptures, feelings of gratitude..

Thanks T, here are the my answers to the first two questions,

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? How about self, is there anything that is separate from everything else?

Is there a 'me'?

No is the short answer. There is the thinking the word me when ...

Hi T

Thanks for guiding 'me' back T! I would have been painfully chasing my tail for eternity....

Wasn't expecting to see these questions; fear came up. Like communicating the current experience would just affirm it all the more. Perhaps this is threatening. Some thoughts about 'Oh no what if I ...

Thanks T

This really bopped it on the nose...yes not a feeling a thought. The mind packed it in and was able to see it as belief and thought. Everything connected to everything else, event doubts not separate, deep sense of connectedness.

Like something outside me, claiming its place back ...

Hi T

I suspect you’re still buying into a story that when it’s ‘clear’ or ‘still’ you’ve got it, and when it’s unclear and painful you haven’t. ‘Getting it’ is knowing that whatever is occurring – manifesting, appearing – there is never, ever any ‘self’ doing or experiencing it.

Yes your right ...

Hi T

the habits that the deluded view gave rise to are no longer fed’

When clarity fades a bit There is sometimes a buying into these states, then acting them out. Which I assume would feed them.

At times allowing divided ness to just be experienced, gives a sense of how it's all just part of ...

Hi T

Thanks for your message, just wanted to check in. I will respond to the points in your message more fully. If your away, it will give me a couple of days to really go into them.

There was a really long period yesterday where it was apparent there was no me anywhere, it was crystal clear. I ...

Hi T

I just had a question which may sound a little intellectual but which i realised was at the root of one of my views.

You have mentioned that self referencing emotions and thoughts or selfing still occur after the gate. Part of what I had previously learnt was that craving and aversion had as ...

Hi T

Good - keep looking at this until it’s quite clear in or out of meditation. That doesn’t mean it has to be equally clear all the time, just that it’s ‘known’, so that whenever attention is brought to thinking, it’s obvious that thinking is arising in awareness, and not vice-versa, and that ...

Hi T

Ok, good – the bit in bold: this is a passing experience, but it’s important to ‘note’ that as authentic – that’s how it really is. You won’t experience this all the time, but such experiences are sufficient basis to gain confidence in the absence of self / separation.

Yes, they do help ...

Hi T

Interesting, have been oscillating between two extremes, two days ago there was so much doubt, confusion feeling ill. Thoughts of giving it up. Yesterday driving into work, asked is there an I behind this experience, noticed the director or witness, was a thought, awareness slid out and there ...