Ok thats great Vivi.

Where to from here?

There is some conflict here it is as if at times it is perfectly clear that there is no seperate self but then there could be something that draws me into identification and it is like the vail is pulled back down for a while. Usually when this happens the suffering is immense and it will be let go ...

There is no personal I, an individual entity who is doing anything. There is only one but even to say one doesnt do it justice as one can be devised, it is the big O everything and nothing at the same time.

The illusion is a belief/attitude that there is an individual entity with a central ...

Hi Vivi,
Yes that sounds good.

Laurens

Thats a good question where to go from here. It seems there is a certain amount of understanding of what I am, there is also a whole lot of junk, i dont know if you use the word karma, but all these behavioural patterns and thought patterns that keep coming up.
For this to be integrated further ...

Hi Vivi I'm back from my week away.
I had a very nice week, I found it very easy to have relaxed focus on what is. Was also able to discern between what is real and what is only seemingly real and was able to allow the seemingly real flow through awareness.

This was great.

Back home now and I ...

Hi Vivi,
I just wanted to drop in and say I'm away on holiday tomorrow for a week until next saturday. I am going to a retreat centre with a friend so hope to spend lots of time letting go and feeling what comes up when I let go a little.
I will post again when I come back.
With thanks
Laurens

I will continue feeling for another day and then message tomorrow.
Laurens

There is identification here as an individual in a world who can influence things. Ahhhh its just a projection a concept. An individual in isness. Made of isness but still an individual. This might well be a sticking point. Cs that doesnt make any sense. Is there no room for an individual? Or a ...

Hi Vivi,
When I first read this this morning I became quite emotional. It felt that you were talking to me in a deep place. It felt so nice to be spoken to there and to be understood. Reading it again now it is the same reaction.

There are questions coming up in the mind but there is a deeper ...

Vivi,
I don't know what I am and that's why I'm scared. I dont know what these sensations are in my body. I dont know what anything is when I look out my eyes.
I don't know anything.
I dont even know how to live.

IS is the only word that feels like any truth.

Hi Vivi,
Yes I guess I do see them as mine...but only the one's that trouble me..that I dont like. Haha that sounds so silly, talk about shooting yourself in the foot.
But saying that I do see them as mine isnt totally true. It's like the immediate, knee jerk reaction is to take them as a part of ...

Hi Vivi,
I do not feel as if there is completeness,accepting, allowing in every moment. I feel there is a understanding here but that it is not a complete understanding..meaning it hasn't penetrated/permeated every part of my being.
I don't know if I'm projecting expectations of what complete ...

Its incredible how it seems possible to lose or forget a certain realization/understanding and to re-discover it at a later time. I guess this keeps it alive keeps it fresh. So any effort by the 'small me' the individual to make the realisations my own are futile. No amount of reminding saying it ...

Hi Vivi,
They are just followed. By this isness. But to follow there must be an object to follow and a follower but they are too close together to be distinguished as such.
So there just is this isness.

Just to put this out on the table... so there is tension, seemingly dysfunctional behaviour ...