1) No, never. It was an illusion. It's all been a case of mistaken identity.

2)Separate self first appears when a body experiences "lack" or "need" which is perceived to be satisfiable by "an other" who is perceived as "not self" because it is not controlled by the perceived "will" of the one ...

Life is happening as me and as all things. No there is no separate me anywhere. No there had never been any separate me. There was just a thought "I" and it was accepted as being me, but I am not even awareness. I am what makes awareness possible. No life = no awareness. "Will be" is a future that ...

Oooo... I got a LOT out of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yujQy--lMoI&feature=relmfu

It caused everything to stop. Then I watched the others and I got a lot out of 4 and 5 too. I can't remember dates usually. But I remember the date of my strongest satori just as this gent does: Oct 31, 2007 ...

{:-) ...Sorry.

What I got was that I have the desire and honesty needed: I don't mind finding I have been wrong. I understood already that there is a "seeing" that does not label or judge and is therefore "fresh" or "pure". I haven't been able to find "me", only awareness, for a couple of weeks ...

Hi Billy,

What follows is a transcript of what I dictated as stream of consciousness into my iphone voice reminder today as I worked around the yard. This is about 25 minutes of the 45 minutes or so I recorded. Transcription took almost twice that long. And it's pretty tedious so I figured 26 ...

Hi Billy!

My sister just left and I've completed farm chores for the day.

You said: I am very sorry for the loss of all your family members.
It can be devastating and the grief can last a long time.
I hope you have worked through a lot of that. This process won't necessarliy make any of it ...

Hi Billy and thanks again for your patience.

You said: This life or reality can only be found right now in this moment.

I answer: NOW is also the only place one can LOOK to see that there is no separate self but there is awareness. I accept completely (the concept) that all "awareness" (a word ...

Hi Billy,

You ask me to tell you about the construct we/I call Cailin. I don't think you want to know the details Cailin story so, keeping my answer directed within the context of our discussion, Cailin is just that: a construct. It's just a story. A little girl, experienced some very disturbing ...

Hi Billy:

You asked: Is this a 'sense of self' or an entity you are finding?

I'd have to say it's just sentience, awareness. There's really no localized self there until thoughts intrude. Makes sense it would be that way: without a "not me" there can be no "me".

You say: WE have to be very ...

Hi Billy,

Very pleased to have amused you. {:-)

I slept in as I was up late and then meditated for an hour of so and repeated it again as I awoke this morning. I looked all day yesterday. I am either in my head resting and not thinking or noticing how very present I feel in the moment. Doing ...

Thanks for hanging in there with me, Billy,

I am going to spend the day with Ilona's koan. As I hinted, it causes something to happen but I can't describe it. It is like trying to grab a fist full of water. Conceptually, I agree with it completely but I feel something else happening when I consider ...

Good morning Billy, {:-)

You said: Yes Cailin, the I is not only an imposter, its just another thought in the head, just like any other thought.
And thoughts themselves cannot think.

I say: I agree and this begs the question, who DOES do the thinking? Not the usualy worried perseveration on ...

Hi Billy! Thanks for your patient help.

You said (Ilona said):
Well its a very simple thing that needs to be resolved...
There is this thought, I,... and once you see that I is just a thought
And you see that thought itself does not think
It clicks!
Its very very simple.

I read it again. It looks ...

Cailin - you're doing great!

Thanks for the encouragement. I fear I tend to integrate everything I come to understand fresh in the _|NOW|_ with everything I THOUGHT I had understood in the past. Accordingly, I tend to look back at the story, but from a fresh perspective, and reinterpret the story ...

Good morning. {:-)

You ask: How does a computer, or a car, or a person get to be from just a computer.... to mine?
What process happens for this to be?
How does this 'ownership' take place?

I'd say: They seem to become part of the story. My old text books are supportive of my factuality = history ...