hi ilona, havent talked to you in a couple days. maybe your busy. thats cool. just wanted you to know I was still here, figuratively speaking lol

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

no there is no me just life happening, processes and awareness of those processes. awareness wearing different clothes so to speak. there never was a me.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is ...

yes there can never be going back to believing in a me again. the feeling i had the other night was much like a invisible man who puts on clothes such as personality , beliefs , ideas, me, I etc... thats why there was this brief what it was like before i was born experience. also i was paying ...

Seein me was never here was has been interesting. For a few days there have been lots of peaceful feelings coming up and detachment culminating in that wild energy and sureness about seeing the other night . There's still a feeling of detachment but the last day or two there's been lots of confusion ...

no its not possible to get mixed up into thinking there is a self again. no there never was a self. it was created sometime around the time language was formed then we learn about it sometime around 2 or 3 when we start labeling things then it spreads into everything we think, say , and do. self ...

theres just been watching the past few days. watching everything . every emotion, thought, situation, reaction that comes up. ive been looking for a self in every one of those and there isnt one. there has definitely been a shift. theres no going back to before it. the santa analogy fits perfect ...

yes when i was writing at the beginning i was going to try to write all that without the i but that became tedious and i just wanted to get it out without thinking to much about it. i did and do recognize that im writing with the "I" the reason why i say that im staring at the the gate is bc i seem ...

ok ilona i will keep an eye on resistance

i think the gate is here. i have been seeing the story the last few days but i havent been apart of it. i have had a few strange experiences ive never had before. i got to work yesterday and was walking to the door . its a decently long walk so while i was ...

Resistance is a guide to the darker areas, uncovered beliefs that still trigger emotions.

could you say a little more about this? im a little confused by this part.

hey ilona, hope your day is good. i wrote all that stuff before i saw your last response so im gonna respond to that now and wait for your response to the other thing i wrote.

Seeing that as it is- impersonal let's them pass without much drama. So there is this freedom to experience that alows ...

What is behind the I thought?

Typing, sitting , listening, looking, feeling the wind from the fan. Putting I am before all this doesn’t change one thing about reality. Its all still happening regardless of an I . getting up , goin to work, working, coming home from work, exercising , reading ...

you suggested this exercise already before but i will certainly do it again.

As for emotions, do you expect that anger should never arise again? Neither feet or annoyance?

oh no i dont think that anger or annoyances should never rise up again, i was just wondering once this is clearly seen ...

one thing that confuses me are emotions. i know im not my emotions but i got pretty angry today about something kinda petty. i saw it arise and didnt have control over my immediate reaction to the anger but then it was gone in a few seconds. not sure what to ask here except maybe is there no way to ...

i sat quietly today and asked intently is there a watcher? i couldnt find any. now this is weird. what i came up with which just popped into my head was that there are only verbs and no nouns. that humans created the I a long time ago to describe processes that they were seeing but had no control of ...

crap i wrote a big paragraph then submitted it and it didnt show up and i lost it all. ahhhh lol

basically i said that yes there is no doer of reactions. i saw something in the road today and reacted by jerking my car out of the way. i did not plan it didnt know i was goin to do it. if someone ...