Thanks Ilona, I’ll do just that

Love

I would be lying if I said there wasn’t any doubt. During and after writing the previous message there was the fear that it may all be wrong, that I may lose it. There was some kind of anxiety during the day and that anxiety created thoughts saying that I couldn’t be liberated if I still felt that ...

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No there isn’t any me at all. There are only thoughts, actions and perceptions happening but there is no subject. All there ever was was things happening… but there never was a real me, only thoughts of me. There is ...

I am doing fine and yes, I am ready for the final questions.

Ok I'll relax.

Much love Ilona

Not much really… still I cannot deny that something changed, something subtle.

There is a kind of fear that it might not be true, that some of what was written here was only coming from ideas I had from past readings… but still, I read back some of the messages we exchanged and I could see and ...

You are right, mind labels everything seen or perceived.
if you change these labels to
walking
talking
typing,
breathing... etc, what happens? There is a relaxing. When I change the way of labeling like changing from I see to seeing, very subtly a feeling of tension/separation changes to a sense ...

Conceptually no. I can’t be the one that wakes-up and realizes that I never existed. Then if it is not I, who’s sleeping that can wake-up?
And I can see there is this feeling of I wanting to wake-up, of I looking for the absence of I and that causes an unsolvable problem in the mind.

I don’t know what is trying but it seems to be motivated by some kind of fear of failing to see the truth, a need for validation. It is the same impulse and motivation that brings me to my computer to write this and that motivates me to do meditation. It is a raw desire. The consequences of this ...

The process of feeling is real, the process of thinking is real, and the aliveness feeling is real. All experiences happen and are then very quickly labeled with the I thought to become labeled as my experiences. It feels like when a perception (object of sense or thought) appears then appears the I ...

The feeling of existing is here and can be perceived. ‘I’ looks to be the thought that manifests from this perception. Yes, it is a label. When I think ‘I’, it brings that feeling of existing.

bring that fear up, that screaming 'i have right to exist', what is it that is saying that?
No one is ...

When I look at it, it is a feeling that responds to the label “center”. But that feeling is not precise it moves and changes in intensity.
Behind this sensation is a screaming and afraid sense of self that yells “I exist!!!” , “you’ve got the right to exist!!!” . It really isn’t clear and constant ...

Ok, now look at the knot of memories and thoughts. Is there an actual knot anywhere to be found?
No there isn’t, it is more a kind of feeling.

Focus on the feeling that is labeled knot. Is it an I? A me?
No, it doesn’t feel like a me.

Notice another thing- thoughts pass by not in knots, but ...

What is that I that is referred to in your posts?
It is an unclear sense of center. That is that which connects all the parts together, that links the body sensations, the hearing, the thinking, the writing. It is the memory of the experiences linked together.

What is looking closely?
I can’t ...

So thoughts are coming from nowhere and to no one, there is no Perceiver of sound, what is going on here, what do you see?
A part of me is fighting against this idea. It seems something is lacking in the equation. I feel very uncomfortable as I write this as if I am about to find out something ...