Yes the mind, as you said, definintly tries to jump in with these different explanations of why there’s a me, or why I can’t prove there isn’t etc.

And how thoughts keep coming up that reinforce a sense of “inside and outside”, insisting on this very physical conception of reality as me as the ...

“If the main feeling associated with "I dont see it" is a satisfaction of seemingly knowing, it is likely to maintain itself. What should motivate sincere questioning ?”

A curiosity that goes beyond this discomfort and uncertainty.


“This is again trying to use analysis to solve this process ("I ...

“How does the voice/feeling sound that says this? Passionate? Desperate? Luke-warm? Detached-matter-of-factly?
Investigate this in direct experience in real time, repeating the sentence.”

I would say there’s like a subtle ‘emotional pay off’ feeling of certainty, like “yes this is just how it is ...

Yes the exercise of “waiting for next thought” definintly makes it more clear how thoughts are just appearing by themselves involuntarily, because the stance of “waiting” for the next one sort of brings me out of that flow of feeling entangled in the thought streams.

Also, yes with the “I” that is ...

Hi elad,

Hope you had a nice retreat!

The labelling exercise, this definitely brings attention to the non-solidity of different forms of experience. Like it brings attention to how vision is literally just images, while thoughts sort of abstract solidity out of it. Same with sound, and sensation ...

Great thank you I’ll work with this for the next week, have a good retreat!

Yes I would say that I have two “modes” where, there is a part of me which is sincerely motivated and interested in awakening. Then there is the very habitual mode of my brain which gets sucked in and complacent with daily stuff and distractions and then can forget about awakening. And only cares ...

Sorry for the slow replies I’ve been very busy the past couple weeks.
Yes i guess the doubt could be another form of defence mechanism/denial that would make sense!
I guess there’s an expectation of some “aha” moment where it becomes very clear beyond doubt..

That’s why I doubt it. Because the ...

Yes I agree that in all of these cases, it isnt clear that there is a controlling “me” doing it/deciding it. It’s like experiences arise like impulses, emotions, memories, and the body is processing and reacting to this with apparent decisions.
But It is simply unclear and still this persistent “Me ...

Yes it’s quite clear that this “Me” sense controlling the body,
Is associated with this sense of ‘here-ness’: persistent sensations in the chest/torso. and a sense of agency that latches itself onto every action/thought etc.
and that constantly there’s this “affirming” of this sense of me/here-ness ...

Also,

It’s like, ‘how things happen’ in direct immediacy is quite mysterious really. The thoughts/sense of “I’m doing this” and also “there is no controller doing this” both kind of arise as thoughts slightly after the fact maybe ?

I can’t really “get a hold of” the immediacy in that way I think ...

Yes often as I do this, it does bring more attention to the ‘automatic nature’ of bodily movements quite clearly- like when my body is doing something physical like brushing teeth etc.. it can really seem like “it’s just happening” when I pay attention to that fact.
But then I’m not sure whether ...

Hi elad,

Yes I would say that;

There does seem to be an ‘automatic’ element to how these thoughts and impulses arise that isn’t chosen.
But then there seems to be this ability to consciously choose whether I “indulge” in a particular thought or impulse, or not.
So it feels like there is a control ...

Hi Elad,

Yes so I found that;

My thoughts are 99% of the time about managing my feelings somehow.

I have compulsive habit of daydreaming imagining myself having conversations, or living in a fantasy reality, because it gives me an emotional high, many thoughts such as this which stimulate ...

Great thank you 🙏


Hi Tom, Elad here :)

Let's start fresh. Please write me whatever might be relevant for me to know, as we start out? Wishes, fears, needs, what is clear, what is not clear, etc.


I wish to shift into perceiving existence as more impersonal so as not to suffer as much. And ...