Did the illusion, the ‘me’ ever exist?

Absolutely not (despite its arresting ability).

What exactly disappears at that cliff?

I wish I knew! It's fuzzy, and it's not something I can perceive. Once I try to perceive it, it's gone. This makes sense, since it's not an object within ...

When this impersonal knowing is absent, how do you know it is absent?
And when it is present, how do you know it is present?

It's not that it's absent, because it's never absent. The whole thing's like a movie theater. I can un-invest in the movie for a period of time and realize that I'm ...

I should also say that this awareness is impersonal. It doesn't have that flavor of me-ness, like the field of consciousness does or the I-am. It's impersonal somehow, but not necessarily separate. And yet beyond. This doesn't make sense in words, but this is what it is.

By ‘obvious’ do you mean that the realization was an experience rather than a thought? Like a knowing without a knower?

I'm hesitant to call it an experience. I think there's an experiential component, but it is more so a recognition, or an apperception.

Is staying in this state something that ...

How was it that it made itself known? (This is with curiosity, not poking…)

No you're completely fine! What I mean is that recently when in this I-am/field-of-awareness state, the realization occurred that the state is known by awareness. I'm really struggling with the words here, but this is as ...

Suppose it was located, that there were some ultimate witness. Wouldn’t the same question immediately arise: What knows that? And on and on.

Yes, definitely. I've run into that trap already and came out of it. It's not that the witness should be locatable, but that it is known by an awareness ...

It cannot be found. It's just an image. I kind of know this already, that this 'me' guy simply doesn't exist. I think what I was after to begin with was what is beyond even this experience-only state. There are only states, or otherwise put: there is only consciousness. This is all that can be ...

So is the screen anything more than a concept pointing to the fact that experience appears?

Well, yes. I'd say that we are using the word 'screen' is the conceptual pointer to the entire field of experience.

Can you experience a screen itself?
Or only appearances?

There are only the ...

The body dies. Experience dies. Everything perceived dies, including the I-thought.

The screen is always present during waking state. It precisely is the waking state.

Can you locate it directly?

Is there an actual center to seeing?

I cannot locate it directly. Anything locatable is an image ...

If I gained what they had, I'd know for certain what part of me survives death. I could locate that piece of me and count on it.

The fear is essentially the fear of death itself. I have this one life presumably that is rather empty most of the time. Yet, it is a waste of existence not to know ...

In bodily death, this direct nothing-missing looking would disappear.

How too could this be known?

Could right now be the absolute?

Peer under the rock of dissatisfaction. What is found?


It can't be known. But it can't be disregarded either, right? It is something I desire to know. 'Sages ...

Looking around, directly, nothing is missing. Actually turning mind on low frequency and just looking, there is nothing missing. Only perception/consciousness/movement.

I don't know how absoluteness would be known. I assume experience would not change.

In bodily death, this direct nothing-missing ...

That's a good question. I'm not sure what the expectations are other than absolute completion and knowledge of that completion (whatever that looks like). What is missing is absoluteness or realization of absoluteness. Right now, there is only relativity. There must be something looked over, or not ...

I think I understand your comment about the 'absolute'. But what is here now is simply an instantaneous slab of perception, let's call it, which is aware of by awareness yet not separate from that awareness. One could say that awareness itself is absolute, but I think this is cheeky and more ...

Hi DonnBeach,

Thank you for your patience in waiting for a guide.

It has been a little while since you wrote about what was being experienced. Have there been changes since? What is seen now?

Did the ghost of I ever exist?

Is searching energy present?

In gratitude,
Becca


Hi Becca,

Thanks ...