Can you observe 'trying'? Is there any resistance to 'trying'? Does trying seem like something to be avoided?
what happens when trying is noticed?
as for now, looking back trying does not seem to be something to be avoided but this next day I'll observe it more.

can you notice when the first ...

hey paz!

there's been more of your practice happening now. still feels like there is trying to make it happen, but it is happening more often now and while no 'results' or shifts have happened, the practice itself is relaxing and helpful.

not much struggling here (apart from the usual, which you ...

saturday 9am works perfect. I dont see any email you sent but if you mean to send it as an email I'll do that too :)

I would love to have a zoom. sunday is the one day that I spend most of my time dedicated with my parents so another day would be best (at which point anytime works), but I can do sunday morning anytime before noon!

what makes you think it is shame and fear?

these are all thoughts, and a story really, but I noticed that the thoughts really follow a certain story I seem to have held onto since I was pretty young of wanting to be ahead of others or not being enough as I am. So when I start to look at what I am ...

can it be ok that this is what is happening now?

and that at some point, you will probably come back to a strong interest in liberation?

yes, definitely. perhaps not being ok that this is what is happening is also just prolonging it, but its like I am in the perfect situation to wake up: summer ...

sorry for the late reply, I logged off LU just before you posted and only saw now.

recently days just feel like a loop, of finding things to escape into, be it movies, stories, or videos. there are some moments still of just relaxing open, but it also seems that they have gone down in quantity ...

I want to, but looking at my day to day it is clear that I do not. when the doubts/judgements/fears/regrets come up i get entangled with them and try to fix them or 'do' things.

yes 100%. thank you for the clearing question, actually helped me to stop and really clarify what exactly was meant and the automatic belief that came out when answering :)

in this context should = could not be any other way. So things happen as they should = things happened, and could not have happened any other way, because they happened.

^this is just intellectual understanding on my part, but it is how I see things

thank you so much for these pointers. i keep coming back to them and you really explain it so well.

it seems to be very clear that all that is needed is sticking with this, and like you said, faith that all is as it should be happening :)

oof, sorry about not replying for so long, even though its always on my mind.

I read your reply earlier and spent some time noticing the aversion come up, which has definitely helped.

While the aversion to a dedicated practice session is still pretty strong for some reason, the spontaneous ...

thank you for the writing. as of now I think the emphasis here was on attention (and a lot of thoughts judging that not enough dedicated time was put into attention) and not the 2nd point, faith. truly that no one is doing something wrong or failing because it is all happening exactly as it is ...

Hey paz, just finished up my exams/university responsibility for this semester. There was a lot of noticing the feelings and where they are in the body. Still plenty of resistance too.

Lucas, if you have been practicing sensory awareness, now try this for your next few practice sessions:
After ...

If you were to set aside time to practice only for at least 20 minutes each time, twice per day using the program I sent, I think you would find noticeable benefit. If it occurs to you to practice while walking to class, standing in line, brushing your teeth or any other time, the benefit would ...