let the visceral reaction do whatever it wants to do while you relax wide open to all your senses.
stay with that as much as you can, see what happens.

words and thoughts about it will happen, just relax back open to your senses. use the exercise I sent.

remember--it's learning to RELAX open ...

Is this shame?

now that you point it out, yes, yes it is. interesting how sometimes its not obvious until it is!


What happens when shame gets enough attention that attention is lost to everything else that is happening now?
I will take a good deep look into this because just pondering about ...

Ah, thank you for the reply, that clears things up :)

Do you know logically there is no one to blame?

Do you believe that shame makes one a "better" person somehow?

Or that it is wrong not to feel shame about harmful behavior in the past vs simply learn from it and, if possible, make amends?
I ...

When the objects of shame are pushed away, when does the neocortex have the open space and time to process and see them from the most insightful perspective, i.e. that there's no one to blame, and possibilities to anticipate and be disinclined to repeat those behaviors?
could you please elaborate ...

Can you observe 'trying'? Is there any resistance to 'trying'? Does trying seem like something to be avoided?
what happens when trying is noticed?
to follow up after a bit more looking, a couple times while I was reading (what I would classify as distraction) the thought 'I should practice', or 'I ...

Can you observe 'trying'? Is there any resistance to 'trying'? Does trying seem like something to be avoided?
what happens when trying is noticed?
as for now, looking back trying does not seem to be something to be avoided but this next day I'll observe it more.

can you notice when the first ...

hey paz!

there's been more of your practice happening now. still feels like there is trying to make it happen, but it is happening more often now and while no 'results' or shifts have happened, the practice itself is relaxing and helpful.

not much struggling here (apart from the usual, which you ...

saturday 9am works perfect. I dont see any email you sent but if you mean to send it as an email I'll do that too :)

I would love to have a zoom. sunday is the one day that I spend most of my time dedicated with my parents so another day would be best (at which point anytime works), but I can do sunday morning anytime before noon!

what makes you think it is shame and fear?

these are all thoughts, and a story really, but I noticed that the thoughts really follow a certain story I seem to have held onto since I was pretty young of wanting to be ahead of others or not being enough as I am. So when I start to look at what I am ...

can it be ok that this is what is happening now?

and that at some point, you will probably come back to a strong interest in liberation?

yes, definitely. perhaps not being ok that this is what is happening is also just prolonging it, but its like I am in the perfect situation to wake up: summer ...

sorry for the late reply, I logged off LU just before you posted and only saw now.

recently days just feel like a loop, of finding things to escape into, be it movies, stories, or videos. there are some moments still of just relaxing open, but it also seems that they have gone down in quantity ...

I want to, but looking at my day to day it is clear that I do not. when the doubts/judgements/fears/regrets come up i get entangled with them and try to fix them or 'do' things.

yes 100%. thank you for the clearing question, actually helped me to stop and really clarify what exactly was meant and the automatic belief that came out when answering :)

in this context should = could not be any other way. So things happen as they should = things happened, and could not have happened any other way, because they happened.

^this is just intellectual understanding on my part, but it is how I see things