Beautiful noticing!

Yep, blame and shame are terribly burdening sufferings for sure.

Who is to blame?

When the objects of shame are pushed away, when does the neocortex have the open space and time to process and see them from the most insightful perspective, i.e. that there's no one to blame ...

Thanks Lucas, glad to hear less struggling.

Can you observe 'trying'? Is there any resistance to 'trying'? Does trying seem like something to be avoided?
what happens when trying is noticed?

can you notice when the first urge to distract appears?
can you observe the feeling/mindstate called urge ...

Lucas, it's 9:15, i better get started on some other stuff.
let me know when you want to try again.

plz send to bluzulu@gmail.com

cool they get to see you like that!!

how about saturday morning? maybe 9am? please reply to my email

yes, feeling like you're not good enuf unless you're the best is quite a curse.

what do you think of maybe another Zoom this coming Sunday morning?
if that sounds good, what time is best. probably about 10:5 best for me.

what makes you think it is shame and fear?

spend some time just allowing the feeling/s to be there without trying to do anything to them or pay attention to any words or stories that come up about them..
just let your neocortex have a good look at them without all the thinking.

see what comes up ...

cool.
can it be ok that this is what is happening now?

and that at some point, you will probably come back to a strong interest in liberation?

can you truly trust and accept that everything, every sensation, perception, impulse, behavior, in you or anybody else is all happening by itself, and that 'things' and 'people' are just aspects of the whole enchilada? I mean really trust that, when doubts or judgements or fears or discouraging ...

got it, thanks.
seems like a lot of people believe that there is some kind of plan; glad you understand correctly.
Now it's all about trust and being ok with it as it is happening.

What does the word "should" mean to you in this context?

Amendment: Ignore was the wrong word. Just continue relaxing open your attention to everything except thoughts.
fortunately recognition of being distracted by thoughts will happen all on it's own when you do that.
when this is your strong intent, all the thoughts about the thought that just happened ...

wonderful.

there is the feeling, and then almost immediately, or even coarising, thoughts about it. stories about the feeling.

the important thing now is to just IGNORE thoughts about anything.
if you need to make a grocery list, or rehearse information or strategize actions, great. otherwise ...

interesting.
when that aversion is happening, study that experience which you are calling aversion.
NOT TO FIGURE IT OUT!!!!!
NOT TO MAKE IT STOP!!
NOT TO AFFECT IT IN ANY WAY!!

Just watch it. explore it from the inside. Trust your neocortex to process it at a much higher level than words.

Words ...

It seems to basically boil down to 1] attention, and 2] faith that everything, including the most subtle feelings of self (such as thoughts/feelings of disappointment, self-criticism, what to do next or what needs to be done, trying to become awake...anything) are just happening on their own and ...