Dear Megdalena,

Am I get it right that u mean the behaviors happen or not, and also my thoughts come up or not, are just happening right now, as all those were.

If so, whether I really make up mind to adjust ur behavior and the behavior really get changed are just happened or not. If it happens ...

Magdalena,

That's huge for me, I just like I'm becoming more chaotic. At some point I know what u said about right or wrong is just narrations and judgement by mind, but I truly don't know how to act after that, it kinda like shut me down wholly.
I'm feeling just being fxxked by that. Please ...

Dear Magdalena,

I'm confused.

Is this a kind of letting things drift and getting by?
This is too crazy!
If I have uncontrollable anger and kill someone, although it happens, it is ultimately wrong. Can't we cultivate ourselves to avoid these things? Or how could we live together until now.

Dear Magdalena,

It has been a long time since we last spoke. I don't know how to explain my situations. I feel like I haven't grown, only gained some intellectual insights and observations. So please allow me to briefly describe my current situation and some questions.

After our last conversation ...

Dear Magdalena,

as u said,
Just like Batman can feel real in a movie.
Just like Santa felt real as a child.
But when you look now, can you find Batman?

No. You see he was imagined.
You believed in him, and the belief created an experience.


Same with “John.”


Yes, I remember when I was 13 ...

Dear Magdalena,

When you read, when you write to me, when you “feel enlightened”—what’s different?


More silence? Less fear? A bit of space?

Exactly, though not calm enough, but I feel there is a closer and closer approach into the STATE, as u said.

Fine. But look again—did YOU/John create ...

Dear Magdalena,

Thank for ur patience, much love.

To be honestly, what I feel now, is just like when I read Jed or any other stuff, feeling astonished, enlighted, and then back to ordinary life all seems the same, that's which I called the up and down loop.

But when u said

Is there a self being ...

Dear Magdalena,

What I am feeling now seems wired and chaos, don't like what the liberated people talked about themselves, such like Grasius, or the tongue so peaceful like u.

Am I really doing it right?

It seems just another up and down loop so far as my past 13 years.

It seems fall and fall ...

Sry, as I reread my post, it seems like talking shit. All come down to one sentence -- "I feel myself in a huge intense mood so fat and become more and more intense, meanwhile I just intellectually understand the meaning of 'No Self'."

Dear Magdalena,

I've been digesting my conversations with you for the past few days, and I've been reading I.C's books. I feel that my current situation is very similar to that of Garsius in the book, maybe a little worse than his state in the book.

I'm constantly observing and thinking about the ...

Dear Magdalena,

Thank u so much for ur love and guidence.

I'm still in a trance.

I can't get what u said about "-This conversation? It’s like wind meeting wind. -No “me.” No “you.” -Just typing happening, words forming—no one behind them. -And that family you mention? That’s just the same: forms ...

Dear Magdalena,

Thank u for the song, I have heard that as u put the link in ur every reply, I like the first and the second style. :)

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Yes, u put it quite right.
I feel very very strange and depressed right now cause I feel I am in the last bit of the crashing, but don't know how to.
U said ...

For example, I would replace "I am typing" into "The body is typing".

It seemed to read right, but I felt as if I hadn't traveled through the Gate at all, and everything was as usual, and I was still not satisfied, and I felt strange, as if I had misunderstood.

My pain, my desires didn't go away ...

Dear Magdalena,

Yes, as you said, I am not preparing to be like this today.

Things were going well, and I was immersed in thinking about the hints you suggested and book I.C. wrote, and I felt like I was gradually grasping what it meant to "see" and what it meant to "No I". Yes, there are only ...

Dear Magdalena,

Thank u again and agin.

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I'm thinking about the meaning of your “just let it be” statements today, and in the meanwhile I think about the examples in I.C's book about Santa/Batman/Spiderman, I seem to understand more and more that these are virtual existences, nothing real in ...