Hi Becca!

Sorry for the delay. Going through an intensive meditation program so been busy, but have been continuing to look at my thoughts and catching them more as thoughts rather than automatically true. Harder to see through the watcher thought though. It’s not as tagged locationally to a ...

Hi Becca!
Hope you’ve been well!

Did these a few times and more energy releasing each time.

Can you find the boundary at all? Are you in any way in control of the energy moving as it does?
Nope for both! Still brings up fear to see but less so with time

Lie on your back and relax. Have a look ...

Hi Becca!

Things have been shifting and the fear around no-self isn’t believed as much, like there doesn’t seem to be anything to be afraid of . But it still comes up, maybe not as much and not as a much as fear but it still feels really bad, and i can’t really tell what the emotion is, it just ...

Hi Becca!

Where is this looker looking from? What is it looking at? Is it a mental image? How is it known in direct experience?

Seems to tag to back of head. It’s looking at everything else other than it from a vantage point, except it’s also clear once I look that “it’s” also looking at it /the ...

Hi Becca,

Done the exercise a few times and it’s helping loosen and release fear out, but wanted to keep doing it until it sinks in. Off on retreat for about a week , will check back after !

What knows that another wave of fear appeared?

Don’t answer anything you’ve learned or thought. Just look! Is there actually a watcher there? Someone who is aware?

No, it’s known as soon as it’s here, and the label of fear goes on top. I see a looker, it looks like the looker comes at the same ...

Hi Becca,

Been working with this and it keeps progressing, seems like there’s lots of layers of fear.

You’ve been doing this long enough now that the fear itself is starting to reveal where the remaining assumptions are hiding. That’s why it keeps showing up. It’s not a mistake. It’s showing you ...

Hi Becca!

This is enormous. Definitely keep doing it.

A thought about tomorrow is appearing now. A thought about rejection is appearing now. and on and on…

The content never arrives.
Only the thought arrives.
Have been continuing to do this, and it’s feeling more like there’s just always two ...

Well, it can be there, and will, there is no one to prevent it, but it makes most every other thought transparent, ridiculous. I say most every other thought because the ones that are not so easily transparent are the ones that come up to be investigated and ultimately resolved beyond the gate ...

Yes exactly. Problem solving is ALWAYS another loop.

What is wrong in this immediate experience?

Because I notice that every time you look closely, the answer tends to come back as ‘Nothing.’
Have been looking at this the past few days and I think it’s finally sinking in more. “Difficult ...

What you’re describing is actually very consistent. Notice the pattern:
1. Fear/sadness arises.
2. The system gets grabbed, or activated.
3. Inquiry happens.
4. No self is found.
5. Brief relief/calm.
6. Grabbing resumes.
7. The thought occurs: “This isn’t working. I’ll never stabilize this.”
Oh I ...

just waves of energy and doesn’t seem to stop

Can you tell me more about where these are located and where they arise and move to and the quality of them?

They seem to originate below the belly button and release a wave of gas like energy down through the top/front of the legs and get to around ...

Can experience itself fail?
This immediate experiencing. Can it fail at being what it is?
No, it’s just what it is. But in what it is, there isn’t a reality of a story of me..it really is like we’re in a dream.. or at least something that I can’t distinguish from a dream. Not sure what that means ...

Yes. Don’t impose ‘moving out’ as a goal for the sensations. ‘complete comfort’ also sounds like it may have an agenda.

Just be with them. Give them room to breathe and freedom and space to express fully in whatever way they wish.
I see, almost like a do nothing - not trying to hold them tight ...

What if ‘stay’ is reframed as ‘explore’ or ‘meet’? What does that do?
Better! It feels doable. Less concern about whether able to stay. Some sadness from letting go of the idea of staying as a goal. Some sense of it’s too much work to explore or meet but there’s a natural meeting already there if ...