I can’t thank you enough for this. This has been the most patient, incisive, and steadying guidance I’ve gotten in my life! So much gratitude for you and for this forum!

I would love to pay it forward and become a guide too, once the dust settles a bit from this non-event.

Awesome. Thanks for all your guidance and patience, Becca. This has been an incredible experience, a truly special dialogue, and I’m so appreciative of you for taking time out of your life to help people like me.

Ok, responding from a place of LOOKING but not intellectualizing… forgive me if any of ...

Little ripples of bubbling little sensations from feet, calves, arms, lower belly.

Flickering impulses of thought, puffs of smoke, hello and good bye.

Space so wide and full and high and deep.

Attention contracts hard sometimes but then relaxes later, it’s all just the forever happening of things ...

Thanks for your patience with me. I’m still getting accustomed to this, though “I’m getting accustomed” is just a thought :laughing:

There’s absolutely nothing to find. There’s nothing to get rid of. There’s nothing to fix. There’s nothing to crack or figure out or solve. There’s no exalted state ...

This is more fundamental than I realized. The feeling of there being a me “seeing” is just the thought that the seeing is me. The one who is reporting ease is just the thought that “I am at ease”. The one with the headache is just the thought that “I have a headache”.

It’s “all this”, which ...

My head was about to explode! Had a splitting headache last night. Tossing and turning in sleep, head hurting.

This morning, a feeling of ease / relaxation, probably from an exhaustive "search".

Glimpses are popping up all day today ...

The "headache" belongs to no one. Just sensations arising ...

I’ve hit a hard wall here. A lot of confusion. Frustrated that I can’t “figure it out”. Feeling tension rippling around my entire skull and face. I can’t shake the subtle sense that there is a Me peering out from that sphere of seeing emanating from behind the eyes.

Thank you for not letting me wriggle away from looking 🙏🏽

I keep looking for the resister, the rememberer, and when I look, all that is found is:
- seeing
- writing
- hearing
- looking
- thinking
- fantasizing
- claiming
- smelling
- feeling
- remembering
- craving
- wanting
- expecting

I can’t ...

A memory is just another thought. I “remember” something, but it’s just the Me reconstructing experience around Myself.

The memory is made of nothing, it just comes up on its own. I can’t touch it with my hand because it’s just a thought.

Thoughts about experience come up *now*. Sometimes it ...

A family member said something that reminded me of a painful memory from childhood.

The memory arose, as did some physical feelings (tightness in my solar plexus and throat).

But what happened after that was the thought: “I can’t believe this was something I still have to deal with”.

The ...

Everything is as it is. Lightness. Clearness. Playfulness.

Not necessarily blissful, nor dark and heavy. Stuff comes up and then it goes away and becomes something else.

Thoughts come and go. Stories come and go.

Sometimes thoughts grip realllly hard on an experience and “Me” dominates the frame ...

Aghhhhhhhhhh

I want so badly for there to be fireworks. I’m noticing this persistent thought that keeps pulling me *out* of recognition: “where’s the big kaboom?”. I’ve done this my whole life! Seeking escape from what is here. But then wanting to reunite with what is here. But then seeking escape ...

Sensations arise, clear seeing. A voice butts in and says “wow this is so beautiful, this view of mine.” I look for that Me and cannot find it.

I’m realizing this is an insane habit, for experience to unfold, and then for “Me” to insert itself after the fact with the thought: “Mine”.

There’s still ...

Dropping a note here — I’m getting momentary feelings of being absolutely groundless, out of control, etc. Something keeps yanking me back, but I’m noticing the lack of an owner more readily. I’ll keep looking for the rest of the day and report back tomorrow morning.

When I deliberately look for the fear, it is nowhere to be found.

However, as I’m looking for the self, sometimes the fear will arise very quickly, like a sharp panic, in my chest and throat, accompanied by some thoughts. It’s as if the “closer” I am to realizing what is there, the quicker this ...