Hi Elad.

I would like to share some update, but I don't quite know what. So I will write from the heart.

I think for a few weeks now, what seems to be hapening in my experience is some form of loss of something. I don't know if it's loss of interest, or loss of the ilusion that I can achieve ...

Thanks Elad. Will reach out.

Hi Elad.

I thought I'd give an update.

I have attended to an ebodiment retreat with Todd and Pernilla last week which was amazing. It has revealed a lot of shadow around self-love. So I have been integrating these parts.

On the insight side of things, it feels like things continue to integrate ...

Hi Elad.

Would it make sense for you to work like this?

Yes, it is to some extent what I have been doing. What is this seems to resonate a lot right now. That sense of unknowing more and more as I stay with the question.

Regards, Cesar.

Hi Elad.

The process seems to continue here, I think I have experienced some level of doubt recently, and that appears as thoughts about still trying to find something, like I'm still not clear, I'm not awake yet, or there's something that is not clear, and that feeling of seeking, but I notice ...

Hi Elad.

Things are well.

There's always constant change here, and I feel that some understandings are integrating deeper.
Going back to living life normally is a really interesting experience, as old patterns start to arise and with this new perspective, it continues to integrate and downing on ...

Yeah, I have seen this before, and I have watched again, I think this is very valuable. Thank you.

By internal model of conciousness I mean this concept of mind, thoughts, sensations, conciousness. I can also notice that, and that it's all made up as well, even though there seems to be some form of framework in place, I can notice that this is also concepts. I can't actually know what mind is, or ...

Hi Elad.


Also: Notice if direct experience "of the sense fields"/ "of sensation" is fully fresh or actually when attention is "in sensation" it is actually in the internal models of how it is to be in sensation (thought).

Is it fully fresh? Is nothing missing?

Or is it like: Now again in the ...

Hi Elad.

I did about 1h of that shikentaza yesterday and there's one thing that caught my attention so I decided to write.

I started to notice what you meantioned, with an intention to discern what is thought and what is direct senses. At some point the voice in the mind started to chat, and I ...

Hi Elad.

I had the same thought that it could be related to trauma.

I have been uncovering a lot of things in the last 2 years as I have been doing some form of therapy with a facilitator once a week a mix of IFS Nd Kiloby Inquiry type thing.

I have experienced in the last 2 or 3 weeks a deep ...

Hi Elad.


What happens in the moment when selfing arises? Can you describe a specific instance where responsibility/selfing was believed and then seen through?

What is the FELT difference between being caught in the selfing versus seeing it as just another arising phenomenon?

For example, the ...

Hi Elad.

I have been exploring this:

This is clear but could sound a little like a logical deduction rather than direct experience. Please look how it FEELS to say "I have no responsibly", what happens emotionally? Sit with that, see what happens.

The feeling of responsibility still arises, and ...

Hi Elad.

Here are the answers to the questions.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it ...

Hi Elad.


Is there any subtle belief that something is incomplete? (when you write "I think" this is clear rather then "this is clear", why? Is the seeing direct experience or an interpretation?)

Is there any expectation of how life should feel after seeing this?

I sat in my living room ...