Hi J.P.,

No need to apologize for the mistaken response from the other member. It had a powerful effect.

Conscious awareness quiets the selfing mechanism when there is enough wherewithal to surrender into it. Then thoughts fade out…then they come back. I can remain aware that they’re there with ...

Hi J.P.

Do you feel clear on the question of is there a doer/Do you feel clear on the question of is there a doer/controller?

I feel like I could feel clearer about it, but after the experience of my dad’s passing, there has been a sense of ease in letting go and not having to control so much ...

J.P., your help has been such a tremendous blessing. I have immense gratitude for your patient, kind, insightful, dependable and wise guidance.
You mentioned before that you experienced a loss of someone this year. I’m sorry to hear that.
It’s strange to know so little about someone, yet feel a ...

If you can live your life without avoidance or grasping you are free. It sounds like you were able to experience that during your dad's passing. How has it been since then?

Yes, strangely enough it felt like I was able to be fully present throughout the process. I was able to make clear decisions ...

Hi again J.P.,
It’s been a while, but I’m back and ready to take another crack at this.
A lot has happened since we last communicated. My dad passed away peacefully on April 15 with my family and I by his side. I was holding his hand. It was the most indescribable experience of my life. I was fully ...

Hi J.P.,
I will start by answering this first exercise:

Decisions, Choices & Control Exercises Palm Flipping Exercise
1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.
Watch like a hawk.
How is the movement controlled?

Movement seems to be ...

Thank you, J.P.
I will do the exercises. Perhaps I will take a bit of extra time - a day or two - and then get back to you.
To say I’m grateful for your time and attention is an understatement, but thank you.
Talk to you soon

The seeking has lessened, yet I still feel threads of it.

Experience still feels like subject-object. Yet there are these nanosecond glimmers of unity…just at the fringes of perception. It feels very close…like a word that you’re trying to remember that’s at the tip of your tongue.

Thank you for ...

Can you find a doer?

Nope. Nowhere to be found.

Is there a thinker?

Negative. Only the thought process that perpetuates a self referencing narrative. This seems to connect to a sense of doership—a sense of seeking—that seems to have characterized most of my waking experiences until recently ...

Don't doubt the reality of your experience.
This awareness can be subtle at first and is easily overlooked or dismissed.
Trust your own discoveries.

Thank you for that pointer, J.P.

The discoveries seem to point to life "lifing." The ever changing nature of everything...as life it seems to just ...

Is it really that impenetrable?

lol no. I can immediately see this. And it seems that upon dissolving the keystone of “I/me/mine” the whole structure will collapse. Or perhaps that’s not a direct enough response…it seems more like this: looking shows that none of my thoughts can find a thinker ...

Do you still feel there is a thinker?

When I really look. When I’m quiet and still, and truly inquire, I cannot find the thinker.

Then the momentum of thought and what feels like a Gordian knot of identity seems to take hold as I go about the day.

It’s sort of going back and forth. Long periods ...

Keep going with this , look at the nature of thought. Can you predict your next thought? Can you identify where it arises from or when it arises? Can you control or predict when it leaves? What space does it occupy, inside your head or outside?
Does it have a size or shape?

I cannot predict the ...

Hi J.P.,

There has been a certain sense of ease since your last reply, which to the mind makes little sense, because life has been more challenging lately than ever. But I’m noticing a sense of expansiveness in awareness.

The sense of a me doing the thinking, moving and daily activities still ...

I appreciate this insight--thank you so much. There is a sense of relief.

I will keep looking, and as insights arise, I will write back.