Hello Alan, you still there?

I started IFS therapy. I'm aware I have severe emotional repression. I spend most of the time in my mind because being in the body is uncomfortable. or at least, that's what I learnt.

Emotions are there, but they seem to get all stuck in the mind (I actually feel a ...

DAY 1

hello Alan, nothing new to report today. crappy sleep so only managed to meditate 1h.
did same method but today could not "enter".

now, that's somethign I noticed. sometimes you can "enter" and sometimes "you can't".
I'm trying to... see... what differentiates those. how each one feels ...

if you don't mind, will post a 2-day log tomorrow.
because I'm in the process of writing somethign about day 1 but I don't know how to explain it, and I want to practice it tomorrow too.

hug

today I did the process again but I find myself very distracted with thoughts.
let's see: I can easily notice there's SOMETHING besides senses and thoughts, some kind of a constant that I can't define.
something I can perceive. but thoughts are reaaally convincing and distracting and noisy.

So! I ...

+ mhm, in the end any process is ok as long as I end up just looking

+ I could grab some parts of the process and dissect them, add steps, remove steps. but that's not longer necessary. for example "step 1, if I believe I'm creating thoughts, then I'm still holding the belief that there's someone ...

Hello Alan.

Today meditated for 1h, had crappy sleep so this is the most I could do.

+ process is getting quicker. point 1 and 2 are seen more clearly faster and faster: belief is always there and can be looked directly
+ I also had this thought that... "distractions being me falling for thoughts ...

today meditated for 2hs

my process is the same as previous weeks, it didn't change (that's great!).

1) see how I believe thoughts. accept that I do it. create some. "feel" how I believe in them.
2) wait for next thought to arrive to catch the "moment" I start believing in it (hint, the belief is ...

Hello Alan, will start posting updates day to day from now on to tell you what's happening.
Any advice from you will be listened and applied.

Hug

Hello my dear Alan!
as the days passed, I kept working on this. some days better some days worse. some days more some less. kept switching the technique.
I can't remember the switches or what happened, but I think this "switching" wasn't bad at all, it was just a maturing of the process.

eventually ...

Alan, I propose this. working with one exercise. just one exercise.

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looking at thoughts. observing how they "pull my attention". observing when I start believing them. when that happens, notice, and then notice how I was pulled. then move on. try not to believe any of them.
not focusing in ...

Has anything changed?
nothing, just senses and thoughts. nothing more.

Could that be because there is no-thing for attention to land on? Look again and tell me.
well, can't sense "it" today.

However let me check with you ........does that feel somewhat closer to the truth of what you ...

Just like .....when you say "just like" does that mean it is so?
Do you see the story in that?
everything is a story, every answer I give! (not complaining to you or blaming you)
but yes, I can see. "separate" "world". part of stories.


These stories are part of such deep conditioning that we ...

Please look and tell me about the wall that causes you to feel so separate?
Is there actually any walls when you LOOK without thinking or feeling that there is a wall?
Or could it be that "you" are like a current in the river of life or a little whirlpool in the river that SEEMS to differentiate ...

noticed a couple days ago the "light feeling/vacation like" is gone and now I feel more bleak, more disconnected from everything than ever.

So you exist. With that recognition can you find any entity, separate to life that is this existence that you are? Or another metaphor to use or way to look ...

today... (and yesterday)

+ oh, remember my mind works different. I have monologue (thoughts) and below: constant music.
so... I was wrong! I wasn't in the space between thoughts... I was in the music between thoughts!!

so I guess what comes next is... maybe the space between music? (yeah ...