Ok, I feel stupid now. But it's fine.

it seems to me that the point of the question is to decide on the "criteria" for "being awake". "If you do xyz, you're awake. If you do abc, you're not awake." But then it got confusing because it's difficult to define "following the scent" VS "curiosity" VS "seeking".
Criteria for being awake was ...

Hello, Tyler
On the last meeting, I had to leave just before you showed up, but at the end I asked a question, and I would like to hear your answer too.
Can you listen to 5-6 minutes of it, since 59:53?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hs-DjHioW4

Thank you
Jutka

After-the-meeting thought:
Beneath this fear is pain. The pain of being harmed, the pain of seeing others being harmed, the pain of harming others, the pain of harming myself.
All I do is trying to avoid this pain.

Yes, it's quite common. I feel helpless against it.
I also feel that this judgment of weakness is very deep seated, much older than the human race. Vince was telling a story about chickens pecking on a weaker chicken, and you can see it in any kind of social animals.

On the cellular level, there is ...

In the last week, with the deadline approaching, I was looking at the second part - at the unpleasant feelings that I'm avoiding.
There was fear, disgust and helplessness, all of them around the lack of skill, the weakness. Working with these feelings present was like pushing through molasses.
The ...

I'll let you know, how I'm doing. It may be boring, sorry about that.

I'm not trying to get my shit together - doesn't seem like a good direction. Or maybe it's my laziness speaking, who knows.
Oh, I forgot, I did one thing - from experience I know how what I eat affects my mental health, so I ...

Yeah, I'll have less chilli in the future so my stomach won't hurt as bad. But that's all it is. It doesn't mean I'm gonna fear spicy food.
The key point is that I would have more chilli in the future. It happens over and over again. I'm not drinking any more, but I have a plethora of other ...

I don't think that's what Buddhism is about (though I'm not a Buddhist). The whole world conspiring to support you thing is total bullshit (in the same way the opposite is total bullshit).
I suppose it was said in the same spirit as Vince's saying that everything can be taken as an opportunity ...

From the things I've said above, one comes out for me the most: "As if the whole world was trying to trick you". It's not just a though, it's an emotional hook, the hurt of having been deceived, and from that - the distrust and anger.
I remember a saying, that buddhism is like a reverse paranoia ...

I think it is the knowledge of the condtioning, that takes the pleasure away. For example, if I am praised for something, it is pleasurable. But if I am aware that it is a part of conditioning, then the pleasure gets greatly diminished. You can't enjoy the magician's trick so much, when you have ...

Oh, maybe I couldn't understand "arbitrary" because of the language barrier. For me "arbitrary" sounds like there would be some "arbiter" making some "arbitration", and that threw me off. But it's the same as "coincidental", "accidental", "incidental", isn't it? Not completely random, out of nowhere ...

I would add a step between 3 and 4 though, "Feeling the anger fully until it calms down"
That was the plan when I wrote "Goddam it, I'll just go away now at let myself be angry". But I've got distracted by your questions. Oh well, no success this time, but no worries, it will come back.

And ...

Are any of these probabilities possible? Can any interpretation your mind makes be what is *actually* happening?
The goal of these probabilities was not to figure out what is actual. It was, as you said, to "look into why it (the anger) has ever arised".
From my perspective the sequence was as ...

Is any of this actually happening?

Oh, maybe you mean, that most of it is the mind going through the probabilities. Yes, it is.