Hi Atmajnani,


That is reactivity (fetters 4/5), the wants and not wants in life that create that push and pull with other people.
Let me ask other guides if there are more questions before passing you through the Gate, so that we can start inquiring into reactivity.

Okay great :)


1) Is ...

Hi Atmajnani,


Be careful to avoid clinging to expectations and outcomes of awakening.
Everything happens in the right time, every process requires ripeness.

Yes, thank you. I think because my first awakening was such a mindblowing experience there's still a little bit of expectation that it ...

Hi Atmajnani,


Maybe you are loosing the bigger picture.
There are thoughts passing through as clouds, but there is no Ownership of those thoughts.
That's the insight you need to find for yourself!


yeah I think I didn't even explain it very well :D it was almost like a detachment from thought ...

Hi Atmajnani,


My advice is that you write to me the thoughts/situations were you really believe there is a 'separate Me' creating thoughts, making choices and decisions, with free will, etc. then we can analyse it in more detail.


Yesterday evening I was going through all the situations where ...

Hi Atmajnani,


It's better to put your attention in any part of the body to ground you. If you put attention into attention you are putting attention in thoughts and that keeps you trapped in your mind:-)
Put attention in your breath or body sensations (where do you feel contraction or expansion ...

Hi Atmajnani,

No worries :)
Sorry I didn't reply yesterday. I suddenly felt sick in the evening and went to bed early.


It seems you are very identified with your thoughts and takes some training to relax in your body. I would advise you to use an anchor in your body everytime you 'get lost' in ...

Hi Atmajnani,


When you replied Yes, do you mean 'Conny' as a mental identity or as your existential being?

I meant Conny as a mental identity.
It is easy to see that it is just a bundle of thoughts while sitting in silence. During the day it's harder to see because I get caught up in the ...

Hi Atmajnani,


Nice to hear from you. I have a message for you:
“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” - Rumi

Thank you so much <3 Even though I miss him I'm also very thankful for the experience. Even at his death he gave me the gift of looking at death differently than ...

Hi Atmajnani,

I'm still grieving but the shock of his death happening so fast is lessening so I'm coming back to inquiry now.
If my english is a little off I'm sorry. The effects of the grief are very hard on the body and the mind and sometimes I struggle to put sentences together. I hope you ...

Hi Atmajnani,

thank you. Even though I know that it helps to get a reminder.
I'm sorry, that sounds very challenging. It is especially hard to go through that when there's such a deep connection to that being.
He was put to sleep today because he had trouble breathing now. I didn't want him to ...

Hi Atmajnani,


But you can see and touch the body, clothing and chair! Can you really say there is no body or clothing or chair?

No :) In the experience it's only sensation. To label it as body, chair, etc. I need to use the mind.


The shape of your body changed since you were conceived, but ...

Hi Atmajnani,


This question reported to responsibility at an absolute level, just to be clear that there isn't a Conny separate from the environment responsible for anything alone. The examples you gave about liking or disliking people is related with the belief of desire & aversion (reactivity ...

Hi Atmajnani,


Is your mental belief in a self called Conny weakening?

We go on until it drops. When that happens let me know, you will feel particular sensations in the body.

I guess it is. This happened from time to time since I joined my first retreat in summer last year but it seems to be ...

Hi Atmajnani,

How is the movement controlled?
I don't know. It seems to just happen.

Does a thought control it?
No


Can a ‘controller' named Conny of any description be located?

No, I can't find anyone who is controlling the movement.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over ...

Hi Atmajnani,

that was a nice exercise. I really liked it :)

Did you notice any differences in the body?

The body got more calm during the second exercise.
My shoulders released tension and the breathing got deeper. There was more awareness of the breathing and the silence in the room. It got ...