So how are things coming?

Yeah, I'm good now. I learned to "play"with awareness the last few days. Inside and outside awareness. This helps me to let go and fall into emptiness at will without beeing afraid. I get more and more time without thought. Just beeing - letting all information stream in.

Hey!

I just wanted to post a quick update. I think I got it now! I found a way to relax.
I came across Loch Kelly. I heard an interview with him by chance and what he said there resonated with me. He was talking about fear coming up when self is deconstructed and how to avoid it. I like his ...

Today I looked into what I wrote here:

Sometimes it's almost like I forget "how to human". Out of nowhere it is like waking up in the middle of the night from a dream beeing a human for a split second.

I had it again talking to a colleague today.
It is like losing all concepts and conceptual ...

Yes, it is. The identification happens through the thought of identification. There is no other way. Look for yourself.
ok, I will do that.

So you have seen and your "attention muscle memory" isn't built up much yet.
I think this is the perfect description. I really thought I was prepared. It ...

Hi!

When you feel the switching....what is the mechanism or "yes, of course" to "wait a minute"...

Don't tell me it's thoughts.................

No, it's not thoughts. It's identification with thought (with my old self). I learned that last night. I had a hard time falling asleep and fear came ...

Hi
Who is the one with so much will?
There is no will. It's just what my brain does. The past few days, whenever awareness of an an I is noticed, I stop look around and see how everything works on it's own - including my body. It's just this process.

Your thoughts, this sense of history Is so ...

I'm wondering if letting things settle a bit is a good plan
Even if I wanted to do that, I couldn't. At least not for a longer period of time. In this regard my mind is like a little dog always going back to that new toy.

Look at what you said, and think about this: There is no "self" letting go ...

Hey!

hm, really hard to describe...

It is like the little guy usually sitting in your command center, where all senses and thoughts come together, is missing. But not only the guy is missing. The whole command center is gone. There is just space in my mind - as if there was a house before in which ...

Hi!

The last 2 days I got a better understanding what starts the spiral of thoughts in the evening. I realized I need to untangle the self from everyday situaions like e.g.:

You wirte something here. To who you write to? To me. Where is the automatism in that? I initiated that. Did I? No, actually ...

Hi!

You really put me back on track and showed my what I'm dealing with. Control !

Every issue I have with this is rooted in a desire for control. That's funny cause I never saw me as a controlling person. It seems like it's different with perception of reality. I REALLY want/need to control that ...

Hey!

This process can be quite jarring, and you need to be of healthy mind and body. Are you ok?
Yes, I'm ok again. A little shaken but ok. I would have thought I'm of a healthy mind but it seems some things got shaken loose since there is no more (or not as much Idk) self as protector. Never the ...

It feels like I'm stuck between both worlds

Hey.
Just wanted to post to let you know it's ok now.

It's not that I think my safety (or that of others) is really at risk. It's just a spiral in my thoughts.

But if you urge me to go get help I will do that.

Ok, I need your help please!

I'm having a terrible night. I'm totally stuck in my thoughts and too tired (?) To get out. Fear is coming up again and again. I'm feeling like I'm going insane.
I know that's not true bc as soon as I get up and walk around I'm fine and somewhat clear.

In this ...

A suggestion: For your meditation, and you can also do this in short bursts whenever. Remind yourself that the state of no-self, has ALWAYS been the case, it has always been that way. Action takes place without a controller in there. Life does itself, you do yourself, most of the time "you" aren't ...