Dear Ilona,

thank you for being willing to continue supporting. <3

As I still can not see any deep recognition having taken place (at least not one that that leaves me without any doubt about the selfless nature of reality), I suppose there is more to be explored. However, I'm not sure I'm willing ...

Dear Ilona,

sorry for disappearing from this inquiry for some time. And thank you so much for being so caring and checking-in with me. I was somewhat lost for a while, but now I feel better and more stable again. Less dissociated now.Before it was getting quite bad in the sense that I was so ...

Dear Ilona,

once again apologies for taking several days to respond. It's been quite emotionally turbulent until yesterday evening when it started calming down. Thoughts of abandonment and "being betrayed" have been on a constant loop again, leading to strong emotional anguish and with no access to ...

Dear Ilona,

apologies for not writing sooner, but I wanted to take some time to really look at what is arising and to which extent there still seems to be doubts. I have also reread the whole thread several times and also listened to quite a lot of Alan Watts recordings where he speaks about the ...

Hello dear Ilona!

Today I keep looking at what is. Less identified with any of it. Actually nearly no identification at all. Instead more peace happening.

Just want to check that it’s not just disassociation that is arising, since that has happened before after longer periods of re-traumatization ...

After posting my last reply I notice that there is some resistance arising to letting this seeing of the Truth sink in.
There is some fear.
Feels like fear of loosing something.
And Fear of the unknown.

Sitting with that fear now and looking at it.

This sensation of fear has a vibrant ...

Dear Ilona,

thank you. Here are the answers arising to the last questions.

So what is that gets lost in thoughts?
Or there is awareness of being lost in thoughts, thoughts about being lost happening?

Again there is no gap between awareness and the content of "thoughts about being lost", so ...

Thanks again Ilona for clarifying!

It's quite amazing how language invents the sense of a doer. And hides the reality of life just happening. Still seems I keep getting lost in this trap of the mind in this inquiry. So thanks for pointing this out. Especially also the reminder that identification ...

Dear Ilona,

thank you again for these clarifications. Something is relaxing deeper here as these are taken in. Here are the responses to the last few questions.

You are saying that there is awareness that identifies with fictional character Eric. It sounds that there is a gap between something ...

Dear Ilona,

thank you for your patience. I'm quite confused still, but will do my best to answer your questions as simply and directly as I can without adding philosophical interpretations (although that is how my mind works automatically). Here we go:

Look at my questions again and answer as ...

Hi Ilona,

sorry it took a bit longer to respond, but I had to really honesty feel and look into your last message. Here the response that is arising.

There is still an expectation, that something needs to change, that this that is is not it. But this is it. This ordinary awareness, as it is is it ...

Time to get some sleep here now (2:35 am in Thailand). Looking forward to continuing looking tomorrow.

Wishing you a good night!
🌴🤗🌙✨

Ok, then what about relationship with life, relating with what is happening, is there an entity that has a relationship or that too is an event arising in and as awareness?

In other words, is there a separate self?

Logically no such entity can exist outside of awareness, since awareness as here ...

Thank you Ilona,

for the clarification. The question "Who is perceiving?" arose more as in reference to awareness itself being the one "perceiving", but then everything seems to be arising in awareness as awareness, so I guess that rules out the "witnesser" as the perceiver. Not sure of any of this ...

Thank you Ilona!

I've now spent the last day playing with the view from the Bahyia Sutra. A relaxation is taking place in the body. And at times it gets real quiet in the mind when taking this view. Here below is what I wrote down during one of these more quiet moments.

Love from the tropics!
<3 ...