but it’s quite common that after some glimpses a conclusion comes (conscious or unconscious) that I don’t need to be bothered by anything, especially by the emotions associated to the personal self. It’s a way of denial, a sort of spiritual bypassing. There is no one there, so why should I bother ...

Vivien,

First up, thank you for your patience.

I’m wondering how much looking and seeing is happening each day? Could you please share?

Not as much as there should be. Why is that...?

I find myself embarrassed. Even mildly ashamed. Returning here reminds me of it, hence my reluctance I think ...

I would say that this is a ‘war’ on thoughts. Not wanting to have thoughts overcasting experience. And when that happens, the belief in the I is active. I don’t like these thoughts; I want unfiltered experience instead. It’s all about me, what I want, what I like, what I prefer.

Ok that's useful ...

Why should the internal chatter with the word ‘I’ be less?
What does this have to do with seeing that there is no person BEHIND the thought / word ‘I’?

I do get that we're dealing here with the 1st of the fetters only. So it's not an absence of chatter I'm looking for merely a turn down on the ...

What do you think, how ‘being liberated’ would feel like?

Being less likely to "appropriate" good things and push away bad things. Not that this would cease, simply get turned down.

What should happen when liberation happen?

I see that I is an illusion. That it has no agency.

What do you ...

Vivien

I confess that I'm at something of a loss. I can find no obvious I. So it's very difficult to report back on

what is FELT there in actuality without concepts

And yet, I don't feel 'liberated'. There's still mental chatter, but that - like the idea of a self - I would expect to persist ...

Vivien - I'm currently visiting my Mum in the north of England with my wife and daughter so quite busy with limited access online. But I thought an interesting update might be in order.

If you stay with what is actual, and don’t try to analyse or conceptualize, what is it that is actually felt ...

So HOW do you experience the me in the head?

As an (often) annoying hitchhiker. He just chips in occasionally with unwanted comments. It's a habit.

Can you see it?
Can you FEEL it?
Can you taste it?
Can you smell it?
Can you hear it?

Nope.

Can you observe it ANY way at all?
Or you can only ...

So take your finger, and literally point to the doer. Point to the location where the doer resides.
Where does your finger pointing?

Well, that would be at my head. That said, here's where a difficulty arises. Now it might be a theoretical one rather than one based in experience but it arises ...

Please go to the experience of 'conscious effort' and describe it step by step. How you do it?

I can't do it. Most of the time there is just a flow of thoughts including decisions. Quite clearly in my experience these have happened without an I directing them. On the end of something that I might ...

Test. Please ignore.

One note before I answer these questions: I generally avoid putting quotes around "I" or "my" unless absolutely necessary. Given the context of our dialogue, the quotes are kind of assumed - at least by me!

The exercise is read… then a banana appears. Are you DOING it? Do you making it happen ...

Or that thought just arise on its own, totally unbidden, without any doing on your part?

Well, although I cannot see the chain of actions that result in the thought appearing… there is an obvious link between the instruction I read (“think of elephant/banana”) and the end result. That effort ...

If the thought of a baby elephant (or any other thought) comes up, was that your doing? Do you actually think up that thought? Or that thought just arise on its own, totally unbidden, without any doing on your part?

Well, after a day of - admittedly not continuous - asking that question on ...

Please give a precise description from experience of the ACT of thinking itself.

I'll admit I'm somewhat stumped. I expect that's no surprise.
It's like trying to describe the process of raising my arm, say. It's so automatic I can hardly see enough of a gap to describe it.
It's worse than ...