Thank you, Ilona. I will keep exploring and allowing this process to unfold in it's own time (even though it's already happening anyway ;-) ).

I am so grateful to everyone who helped me both on and off this forum--thank you all.

And I have to say, Kian (Space), I don't know how I would have gotten ...

I really appreciate the feedback, everyone. I have to admit that things have been getting more challenging lately--unresolved material and habitual patterns have been coming up that still need to be worked through. Thoughts and desires arise to push certain things away or get rid of them, to get the ...

Thank you for asking these questions, No One. I appreciate the opportunity to clarify this and to practice communicating these realizations. This took a while...it feels much easier for me to see this intuitively than to put it into words, but perhaps that’s why this process is so helpful.

Is ...

I don’t know what to look for anymore. What is there to find? Whenever I try to come to some kind of final resolution, tension and confusion returns. It must be because there is really nothing there--nothing to grasp, no one to grasp anything. Just life...just this , whatever this is...nothing else ...

The easiest way to punch a hole into conditioning is by staring right at the core, there is no you at all. life is just happening.
take a walk outside, notice nature how everything is in motion, wiggles, effortlesly. is your body outside enviroment or is it part of it? just observe the totallity ...

What's wrong with insecurity? What's wrong in suffering? You seem also to want to do the right thing. Who wants to do that? Is there some 'good girl' identification there? Who defines what's good and bad?

I see what you're saying, and the "good girl" conditioning has been pointed out to me before ...

When a feeling arises or my hand moves, I find that I can't trace the impulse back to anything, except maybe that it was triggered by something, somewhere in the environment, inside or outside. But this interpretation is constructed after the fact--when the feeling or movement happens, that's all ...

Hi there :-)

Great website—I really appreciate the work you all are doing here.

So in the months leading up to my arrival here, I’ve done quite a bit of reading, gotten help from the Ruthless Truth Arena, Nexus and elsewhere, read blogs by Elena, Ilona, and others, and took time to look on my own ...