Dear Andrei
I have just posted you a reply, not sure yu have received it
Please confirm
With love
Bernadette

Good morning dear Andrei
There has been a gap since your last entry. I have realised you were on holidays and travelling, so I left some time for that. This was fine as your last entry left me with lots to " recognise" and spend time with. As II have been doing this , I have been reading your entry ...

Dear Andrei,
Yes shifting is going on in the way I " perceive" what I presented my original idea. I have been practising a lot over past days.
You asked if there is a sense of some sort of seeking? One idea comes to mind straight away, we have touched upon this, ? What is emptiness, does it exist ...

Hello Andrei,

- a "facility ," to deal with it - it is a mind concept, a thought
Whose way it is coming? When I own the facility, then as if it would be coming Bernadette's way. As I do not own the facility, facility being a thought, then i cannot see any way ( a thought again) or anybody's way ...

Hello Andreei and thank you

Yes, one might say that I am " waking up" part of my being, opening up parts that have been shut down for ages so I can embrace all as part of the whole, wholeness.

Yes, I realise now, from your response clearly, and thank you for this, that I am still loking for a way ...

Hello Andrei,

Yes, I continue in my observations of separation of sensations and labels and thoughts.it is very helpful for me to work with emotions this way. What you said in the 2 nd paragraph about living a fairy tale, has clarified a great deal for me. Suddenly I realised that this is exactly ...

Thank you Andrei

What you say is v helpful. I have certanily been going through whole range of emotions, last few days lots of grief ( physically as a lump in the throat), also lots of suppressed manipulation, unexpressed feelings from childhood, repression, not being able to express myself ...

Hello Andrei,
Coming out of my thinking mind, and using the experiencial mind is something I am learning to do whilst unlearning the strong habitual way of thinking.
I just have lost my draft, so am wiritng again, when I explained to you about me noticing how I " push with " my mind all the time ...

Good morning dear Andrei and thank you
for your patience whilst I am discovering " what a DE" is and in particular DE of existence and nonexistence. I wish to arrive at what these in DE are myself and am willing to continue until I do so.i feel it is important for me this way. So thank you for your ...

Hello Andrei and thank you.
I have found what you said about the restlessness very helpful. I have been " working" using this and have been processing stuff.

I have been perceiving a sensation of " extreme terror" ( on and off, very intense for past 3 days). Following what you say - exploring this ...

Re emptiness - After practise today, I have experienced/ realised that emptiness is an experience. Could this be what it is pointing at - " instant presence, continous awareness" ?

Thank you
Bernadette

Good morning dear Andrei,

Yesterday whilst food shopping I have experienced an extreme fright/ terror out of a blue for no reason. Felt extremely uncomfortable, not knowing why, associated with a strong sense of resistence to relax, meditate,...look at what is happening,....
On closer look when I ...

Hello Andrei,

Non existence - I do not get in DE any feeling of colour or shape? Emptiness
Existence in DE - sensations and feelings, colours - white, spectrum of colours,...; sensation of breathing,

Interesting, again it shows how habitual my thinking is, yes, an existence - "will to make ...

Hello Andrei,

Existence/ non existence in diect experience - i mean existence on the earthly plane as human, non existence as there being a bunch of experiences and sensations. In DE - existence and non existence feel the same, strangely enough, in existence as if there is a will to make something ...

Hello Andrei,

it does not bother me whether anything is easy to do or not, I just do it, I am quite used to doing things that are not easy. I would have looked before. I did not know there is anything more beyond the physical, i have been conditioned this way. However one can say that my curiosity ...