The initial rush of shedding the self has made me feel younger than I have in years. I still have a he'll of a lot to learn.

I have eased up on some of my neurotic habits. I quit smoking. But things aren't terribly different.

I am more likely to notice and marvel at details. I am not so concerned with shielding my ego, worrying what others think of me, or anticipating a grim and humiliating future. I am not "happy," per ...

I don't think it matters. "Helpless" is a judgment call about something that isn't real.

No. It's solid.

I let the story drop. I stopped believing in it and started questioning it. It was never about a real person or thing.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No. None that I can discern. It exists only as a fiction that I found convincing for a long time.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it ...

Let's do this. :)

x1000 YES!

It's difficult to prove a negative, but I am now confident in saying that the Self story is about as real as Russell's Teapot or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The smart money is strongly against it.

I don't think that thought - things ought to be different - is the property of any distinct entity or identity. I am not sure from where it arose or why it did. I think that it has something significant to do with human suffering and that, although there that suffering is not necessarily optional ...

Today, I let go of the bar.

I was having a miserable day at work, interrogating myself and getting angry with who I perceive myself to be.

I noticed that there were two distinct voices duking it out.

It dawned on me that both of these voices, my delusional boss, and my harried coworkers... none ...

Part of the fear is a fear of losing control. The lie of the Self gives me a sense of structure. In the past, I have lost control due to alcoholism and mental illness, and I cringe when I think about it. Giving up the Self would be surrendering control and structure, and even if those things are ...

It feels like a part of my physical makeup.

I react physically to the twists and turns of the story. Especially to the fear. When I think about it, I feel rigid and like I want to shake and scream but I cannot. It feels like this story is part of my body itself, and I'm locked into it.

Those ...

Life isn't living up to what I want it to be and it isn't fitting into a clear narrative structure.

It simply is.

The pain I experience is mostly from my efforts to impose some control over how I perceive things. And it's immense, crushing pain, in response to a profound sense of humilation. I can ...

There is no Raymundo. The allure of his story is that I feel it is one of the few things in this world that is within my control, but it isn't. I'm not a distinct entity - just a part of the universe with a chalk outline drawn around it. The body that I think is mine is currently recovering from a ...

It is mostly when uncomfortable sensations arise.

I have tremendous anxiety about my character and notions about whether my character is essentially lacking. Last night, I had a vivid dream about my job and myself failing in it, and I woke up in a state of throttling, almost unbearable anxiety ...