Hi Tyler,

By "getting behind" the sense of self, I mean, there's watching thoughts gyrate and grab for ground...for solidity. Where there used to be a complete merge into first-person narrative and view there's some seeing how the thoughts operate from some distance.

Yes, today I saw that there ...

I am with you. My apologies. I've been very busy with work and life. Helping my girlfriend open a yoga studio as well.

Hope you're well.

It occurred to me that if our true state is just watching, hearing, tasting, etc., then time spent focused in that state might be interesting. After sitting ...

Hi Tyler,

My apologies for lagging on my end. I had my son with me for the weekend so my time was very booked. Here is my last reply with some other comments:

What is the I that wants to keep the search on?

The sense of being unconvinced. I know too much. I keep referencing what I've read and ...

I just replied but saved as draft. How do I get that into a real reply? Sorry.

Hi Tyler

Keep realizing that the guy that wants to look more, investigate more--whatever, is keeping the search on. Then there's the guy that wants to end the search--another manifestation. Frankly, at this point, I feel like I need an exorcism from this "I", "me"--really.

That's where we're at.

Taking some time here. I will reply when I've sorted out what's going on.

The attempt to land on an identity is most certainly there in mind, but there is no footing. To say "I am awareness" would be to box awareness in an "I". There is watching, there is tasting, there is feeling, smelling, etc. When the sense of Andy arises, which it does, there's now a reflex to see it ...

Hi Tyler,

Sorry for the late reply.

What I meant by that statement was that there's really nobody home but thoughts, and I now know what thoughts are: just mere mental phenomena. It's like they think they're alive, but thoughts are unaware of their own presence, obviously. Nothing is aware of ...

Hi Tyler,

Two more things. Are you familiar with interfaces? This whole experience feels like the body is just an interface into the world. A thin wrapper or boundary that shows how awareness and its objects are one.

Yes, thoughts keep coming today, "Nope. Not there yet, this isn't it." So the ...

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there
ever?

No. Whatever is, is awareness alone, held in place by God only knows what. Andy didn't exist in any world. The world, it seems, only existed in perception--an appearance.

As Rumi said ...

The senses alone.

As the Heart Sutra says: "The body is emptiness, therefore emptiness is this body". Emptiness is not empty of itself--so this exists.

Doubts? yes, but the motive is laid bare and exposed. There is no doubter. Just doubting.

Tyler,

It's so simple. Effortless ease. No path. It came down to now or never. No glorious moment needed to arrive.

Your kindness and acute guidance helped me just finally look, look again, and admit that this 'Andy' was illusion and was spinning tales, trying to control outcomes, set up ideal ...

Done. Bless you. Bless you. You friend. I love you!!!

If the knot maker never existed, the knot never existed.

I love you Tyler. Friend.

I know you're the guide here, but really, if there's no self...what is this? Isn't this just a one-sided conversation? Me talking to me? No...just talking to talking?

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Hi Tyler,

To your questions:

What is the I that is asking these questions?

I don't know anymore. I want to say 'me', and right now I'm on the verge of tears because that 'me' voice is pouring out memories...so many memories of what I thought was my life. Very emotional night here. I'm sorry ...