Hi Nona

Thanks for the suggestions and sorry for not replying to you earlier...

To tell the truth, I haven't been really "suffering" in the last few weeks because I "lost it". The thing is, I just kept myself occupied with other things (e.g. buying a new computer, watching movies, messing around ...

Hi Nona

Just giving some signals of life... The reason I have not posted anything in the last two weeks was because I had nothing to report at all. Sadly, somehow my ability to look seems to be lost. I know that the answer is that it cannot get lost, but still, I just cannot look... I have fallen ...

Hi nona

I must tell that quite a few days have just went by when I was completely lost in thoughts... So completely lost that I haven't even realised it. That didn't seem to be a problem while the activity that I was doing was predominantly pleasant (in a slightly obsessive way), but later it ...

Hi Nona

Yes, I found that GPS analogy very good; that describes my own observations pretty accurately when the familiar surroundings seemed to be as if they were "new" when focusing on the sensations.

So what IS "I", then?

I've been doing some further looking exercises in the past few days. The ...

Hi Nona

Just giving you an update, I'm in the process of re-reading all our correspondence and doing the exercises again. In one of your earlier posts, you have expressed your concerns about not having been clear enough on the instructions on how to look. I must admit, your instructions were all ...

Correct! Perhaps I was not sufficiently specific about this?

I think the problem was that I confused looking with thinking. I think my rationalising went like this: the function of the senses is to inform "me" about the external world, and obviously "me" cannot be external to my body, therefore ...

One more thing: it became apparent how tense and lost in their thoughts most people are. Especially when trying to look them in the eye, there's a kind of stiffness and anxiousness, like they are attempting to defeat a perceived threat or something...

Hi Nona

Thanks for the reassurance :) I'm just giving a quick update now, diary style again, otherwise I'll forget all this by tomorrow... I'll answer your questions properly tomorrow.

I have noticed quite a few subtle changes yesterday and today. Not as dramatic as the experience from Monday, but ...

Hi Nona

Let me give you an update on a significant breakthrough I managed to make today. I'm not expecting an answer from you this time as I think I'm on the right track finally. Just wanted to keep you up to date because I thought you might be interested and also it's possible that I will need ...

Hi Nona

Something happened after receiving your reply today. I saw clearly what has been happening in the last week or so; the hand raising exercise had triggered something that resulted in the resistance and anger, and ultimately a decision to give up the whole thing altogether and actively ...

What would happen if you noticed you have no control over actions in the way you think you have? That events happen without direction from a Decider?

I guess I would feel rather powerless. Even if all control was an illusion, I think I would rather prefer that illusion over absolutely nothing at ...

What exactly IS a decision? When precisely does it happen? HOW, precisely, does a decision come to be?
Locate the exact time and place where a "you" intervenes between one activity
and another to "make a decision", and describe it in detail, please.

Okay, I tried focusing on the decision stuff ...

Is there a Decider that takes over when a decision appears to be made? Or do things simply happen that later we attribute to our having made a decision?

Well, with focusing on a given sensation it was evident that the focusing just happened, but with decisions I don't see that very clearly (or at ...

Then you finish reading this, shift focus to the feet. How did the shift of focus happen? Did it simply occur after reading the instructions? Or was there an actual Initiator to initiate the shift and a Focuser to do the focusing?

It just happened after reading the instructions and I haven't ...

When focus switches from thoughts to sensation, do you Observe (with the senses) an "observer"?

No, that's a result of thinking about the experience I just had a minute ago.

When focus switches from thoughts to sensation, do you Observe (with the senses) an "observer"?

Definitely not.

How ...