Looking for a Guide

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Reikiwind
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Looking for a Guide

Postby Reikiwind » Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:11 pm

I have been following this site for a few weeks. I have read Gateless Gatecrashers and understand the concept but realisation still eludes me. I did have a "flash" of pure realisation where I literally laughed out loud at the simplicity, obviousness and ease of everything - life continuing and being an essential part of the whole. It was an amazing moment but as I tried to grasp the thought, the realisation - it went. I have this "tip of my tongue" feeling but cannot quite reach it. This happened about a week ago and since then I seem to have been engulfed in frustration and anger. I humbly ask for help through the Gate, I pledge honesty and am not reading or viewing any other similar "enlightenment" paths. I offer Gratitude in anticipation of help and support.

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Paulo
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Paulo » Sun Mar 31, 2013 11:16 pm

Hello Reikiwind, my name is Paulo, and it would be a pleasure to guide you.

A few ground rules -

1. Post at least once a day, if you cannot post, or need more time, let me know.
2. Be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.
3. Answer from personal experience only.
4. Read the disclaimer on the Liberation Unleashed main page - http://www.liberationunleashed.com/

Understand that I will be guiding you, rather than teaching you, and the more you put into this process the more you will get out of it.

If you are happy to agree to the above, let me know and we can begin.

Paulo :-)

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Reikiwind
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Reikiwind » Mon Apr 01, 2013 8:41 am

Hello Paulo,
Thank you for offering to guide me, I have read the disclaimer, My answers will be personal and honest although I have a tendency to over-analyse everything I will try to respond from my heart rather than my mind, I hope that makes sense :-).... I agree, let's go,
Wendy :-)

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Paulo
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Paulo » Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:01 am

Thank you Wendy, you seem very keen, so yes, let's go -

So, what is 'I' or 'me' ?

Paulo :-)

[You may also find the quote function useful when replying to posts - http://liberationunleashed.com/nation/v ... ?f=4&t=660 ]

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Reikiwind
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Reikiwind » Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:41 am

"I" is a label, I, me, mine are all tags put onto thoughts to conjure a possessive identity. This in turn "appears" to give me identity, control and security through possessions. It is fake, observing the I labeling brings great sense of insecurity, fear of losing control without an identity (I suffered abuse from early childhood where I could not control what was done to me and this could be a root to my fear) and ultimately frustration at "knowing" there is no loss of control as there isn't an I or ever has been to control in the first place. Frustration at understanding but not quite realizing the truth, there is no I, there is no me, everything just is.
Wendy :-)

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Paulo
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Paulo » Mon Apr 01, 2013 12:07 pm

Thank you for sharing Wendy,
Frustration at understanding but not quite realizing the truth, there is no I, there is no me, everything just is.
We will certainly look closer at that fear a little later on. But for now look at the statement above, where you say that there is no 'I', yet at the same time say that you haven't realized truth -

What would realizing the truth look or feel like?

How is that different to what you see or feel now?

Paulo :-)

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Reikiwind
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Reikiwind » Mon Apr 01, 2013 1:02 pm

Realizing, feeling the truth would release me from trying to control the uncontrollable. When I had my "flash" of insight I felt joy and appreciated the ease how life just happens regardless of thoughts or the mind trying to manipulate, life just is.... and it is huge, it encompasses everything, everywhere. The relief of just going with the flow and not having to try was amazing but it all came in a flash, a couple of seconds of time (which also doesn't exist) When reading Gateless Gatecrashers Ilona and Elena kept stating "what is known cannot be unknown" I was texting my husband who was working in England at the time when I was engulfed in joy, relief and a sense of non-personality, and my mind was on what I was writing to him.... completely unrelated to the Gate, I couldn't help bursting out laughing at the simplicity of the realization but as I focused on the realization it went and "I" haven't been able to get it back :-(. Maybe trying too hard, maybe looking from the wrong perspective as in "I" was looking and there is no "I"
The difference from what I feel now is that nothing was personal, everything was the same but nothing affected me personally. Since this "flash" I seem to be taking everything personally, shouting at the dogs, over-reacting to little things etc.
Wendy :-)

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Paulo
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Paulo » Mon Apr 01, 2013 8:38 pm

Thanks Wendy,

The story of your insight reminded me of my own ‘enlightenment’ many years ago. It came and went too, and I spent the next 15 years afterwards trying to get that state back. There was a frustration too - being so close, and yet so far, and a feeling almost of grief at the loss of what I once had. Then I came upon Liberation Unleashed and in a very short time I ‘got it’, and well, the rest is history.

My own error in seeking was to try to recreate a past state. And that’s what it was, a state, and it came and went like any other – it’s what some would call ‘non-abiding enlightenment’. Trying to recapture that state took me away from what was right in front of me, it was an impossible task. I had to drop any notion of attaining that state, and just open my eyes to what IS in the moment.

I hope you don’t mind my sharing my story with you, as this isn’t a ‘chat’ type forum, but I thought it might be helpful to let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. In this forum we look at what IS around the illusion of self, and this is just a first step to orienting to reality.

I can recommend this process to you but feel, as with myself, that you will do well to drop any expectations of what it will be like, or how it will feel. You must understand that it may, or may not, be like your past experience – it will simply be what it IS.

I would be delighted to guide you through this process Wendy, but ultimately the choice is yours. If you wish to continue I must ask that you lay aside all expectations and past experiences, and approach this completely fresh.

Keep well, Paulo.

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Reikiwind
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Reikiwind » Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:06 am

Hi Paolo,
Thank you so much for sharing, I thought I was going mad for a while there but with your identification I realize that yes I was trying to grasp an illusion.
Can we start again, please? I do so want to go through the Gate. I will try to drop any expectation, or at least acknowledge it for what it is, salute it and move on. I appreciate the truth in what you say.
What is I or me?.... I understand that there is no I, that I, me, mine are possessive labels.... that makes sense but I'm not sure my mind truly believes it, why else would I still be labeling everything in a possessive way?
I have no idea what realization would feel like as each individual experiences different results and the feeling I was trying to grasp was just another mind trick.
Please continue to Guide me, Paulo, I am not a quitter and appreciate the time you are taking to help me,
Thank you,
Wendy

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Paulo
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Paulo » Tue Apr 02, 2013 12:12 pm

Can we start again, please? I do so want to go through the Gate.
Yes, absolutely! We are here to look at truth, at what is in reality, and will do so through direct experience. If you are unfamiliar with direct experience, or want to deepen your understanding, you may wish to have a read of Neil’s article on the topic here - http://www.liberationunleashed.com/Arti ... ience.html

We will begin by orienting you to direct experience, as I know that past experiences can be very ‘sticky’ and take you away from the moment. We will first look at THOUGHT –

Think of a car.

Share your experience of what happens when you think of the above in as much detail as you can.

How did the thought arrive? Was there a ‘you’ there choosing the particular car that appeared in thought, it's colour, size, etc?

How did that particular car appear from all the possible cars that could have appeared?

Paulo.

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Reikiwind
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Reikiwind » Tue Apr 02, 2013 1:17 pm

OK, Thinking of a red Hyundai Atos. This car was a "tardis" we once got a complete bathroom set, bath, shower, sink and toilet in the back and it was surprisingly economical. When thinking of this car I have feelings of loss, appreciation of how lucky I was to escape crashing and writing off this car with relatively minor injuries and frustration and anger towards my stupidity for braking in wet weather on a sharp bend. This is a good subject, having read the dE post, now looking at the experience of crashing, did I crash? Was I responsible for the accident? Was I the cause of the subsequent struggle to find and finance getting another car? hmmmm The accident happened, this body was in the accident but saying "I" crashed the car, is saying "I" was driving when driving was happening, this body was driving, this body reacted correctly or incorrectly, it's irrelevant, but the event was unconnected to any "me" there was an illusion of control but ultimately "I" had no control of what happened. The subsequent guilt was a series of personalizing thoughts. In fact there is now a sense of relief that the event happened and this body was involved, there was nothing personal, just a series of thoughts and sensations.
The thought arose because I am in the process of buying another car and the accident was quite recent and I'm afraid I had grown quite attached to the old car. Possessive attachment... oh dear :-(.... so why was it "my" car when there is no me? Looking deeper.... what is owning? The car, the phone, the computer, clothes... is there an "I" to own anything? Is owning something just another term to bring a sense of control?
I need to sit with this concept for a while,
Thank you, Paulo :-)

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Reikiwind
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Reikiwind » Tue Apr 02, 2013 7:20 pm

Can we start again, please? I do so want to go through the Gate.
Yes, absolutely! We are here to look at truth, at what is in reality, and will do so through direct experience. If you are unfamiliar with direct experience, or want to deepen your understanding, you may wish to have a read of Neil’s article on the topic here - http://www.liberationunleashed.com/Arti ... ience.html

We will begin by orienting you to direct experience, as I know that past experiences can be very ‘sticky’ and take you away from the moment. We will first look at THOUGHT –

Think of a car.

Share your experience of what happens when you think of the above in as much detail as you can.

How did the thought arrive? Was there a ‘you’ there choosing the particular car that appeared in thought, it's colour, size, etc?

How did that particular car appear from all the possible cars that could have appeared?

Paulo.

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Reikiwind
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Reikiwind » Tue Apr 02, 2013 8:03 pm

Sorry, Paulo, not got hang of the quoting yet.
So.... how did the thought arrive? It just did, you mentioned car, the thought of the Atos popped up without a "me" prompting, the thought came first, uncontrolled. "I" was added as an after thought. Looking at thoughts they just happen and can string along a whole theme without any control from "me".
How did this particular car appear from all other possibilities? This particular car has been thought about a lot recently.
Going back to possessive thoughts, I can see that the hands are typing on the computer, typing responses and thoughts automatically. The phone is used but not owned. Clothes are worn. Ownership is yet another thought without substance, I cannot find a "me" that owns material things. Experiencing, typing, talking, wearing but as an experiencer? No, the "I" is added after the fact, I typed, I talked, I wore. The tense can be changed but the experience is solely that, experience. The personalization occurs through thoughts, which in turn cannot be controlled they just appear.
Thoughts invoked the car, not "me"
OK small steps, feelings of insecurity and frustration emerging which when observed bring more thoughts. Insecurity "do I really want to go here? do I really want to disturb a lifetime of comfortable beliefs? Without "me" what will be left?" Then see-sawing with frustration "Heck yes I want to go there, I want to end the illusion and live in truth, I want it now, why can I not see it if it is so obvious?"
Who is battling who in these thoughts, is it ego desperately trying to hang in there? does the "I" feel threatened? Are thoughts really that clever?
The mind is a whirl, I am going to bed soon and will continue to observe, hopefully tomorrow will be clearer and you can guide me in the right direction,
Goodnight, Paulo :-)

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Paulo
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Paulo » Tue Apr 02, 2013 9:10 pm

One word - wow! thank you so much for sharing Wendy, that was so beautiful to read.
So.... how did the thought arrive? It just did, you mentioned car, the thought of the Atos popped up without a "me" prompting, the thought came first, uncontrolled. "I" was added as an afterthought. Looking at thoughts they just happen and can string along a whole theme without any control from "me".
Great, you can see now that thoughts just arrive in response to a stimulus. And that stimulus can be provided by sensory stimuli, or indeed, another thought. You can see from your first posting on this topic that thoughts ‘snowballed’, skipping and hopping from one item to another in great ‘chains’ of associated content.

Think of a cat and a cat will appear in thought, think of a monster and a monster will appear. But did you ever encounter a monster to know what one would look like? Of course not, the request is made and a ‘monster’ is delivered to thought right on cue. It’s all automatic, and, as you rightly point out – there’s no ‘me’ there separate from the experience controlling it all.
Insecurity "do I really want to go here? do I really want to disturb a lifetime of comfortable beliefs? Without "me" what will be left?" Then see-sawing with frustration "Heck yes I want to go there, I want to end the illusion and live in truth, I want it now, why can I not see it if it is so obvious?"
Wow!, you go girl :-) The reality is that you’re already here, you’ve already got IT. What you are now and where you are now IS it. There is no ‘you’, never was, so what’s left is pretty much everything BUT the belief in a separate ‘self’.

But don’t take my word for it … our next step on the ‘journey’ awaits …

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Paulo
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Re: Looking for a Guide

Postby Paulo » Tue Apr 02, 2013 9:17 pm

Our next step into direct experience is to look at SENSATIONS –

Pick a moment (when it's safe to do so) and mentally shout 'STOP'. At that moment completely freeze, stop dead. No matter where you are or what you're doing - pretend you are a stone statue and freeze – arms and legs locked in place, only breathing happening.

Take 60 seconds and note what sounds you can hear in the moment. Report what you observe.

[Stay focused here - don't categorise what you hear, or put it in any order, while you're doing the excercise - that's the mind processing experience after the fact. Just note whatever enters experience and write it down immediately you've completed the task].

Paulo :-)


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