Yes. Exactly. I'm going to look at this more. I can't expect thoughts to stop. Why would I even want that?You saw thoughts just pop up. That's good enough. Everything else is of no help in this inquiry. I would say its detrimental because it might turn into a purpose
I'll look at the thoughts arising and ceasing. See them for what they are and enjoy the show.
Stories about who I am, what my goals and ourposes are, good and bad decisions, aspirations, doubts. I know these are mental constructs. I think they seem real because they cause a physical response in the body. And then more thoughts, more physical response. This circuit creates a sense of self and causes it to tighten.What are those stories and why is it hard to see through them? Are they not just thoughts (plus, maybe, sensations)?
But they are just stories. I'm going to watch the mind more. When the attention goes to the body I'll watch that. And I'll watch the attention move. I've been noticing that where attention moves to, how wide or focused it is, we can't control this, attention moves on it's own. Sometimes I try to control it and sometimes I let it be where it is. I can't control that either, my trying and not trying changes on its own.
I know what you mean. But this is how I see it: I've seen that thoughts and bodily sensations cause each other but happen on their own. There is no 'control center' in the mind. I'm beginning to see more clearly that attention/awareness moves on its own. I'm also getting better at seeing that things like boredom, frustration, joy, fatigue, determination, effort, desire, all change and come and go on their own.If you saw thoughts/sensations happen, shouldn't have had the castle of cards collapsed? Why need to pick each one in particular?
If you know Santa is a story, do you have to go to Lapland to see if you don't somehow uncover his sledge?
So I'm okay at seeing the three characteristics clearly in most gross sensations and some subtle sensations.
If there is still a pervasive sense of self, it's because there is some 'background process' such as desire to expand or sharpen awareness, desire to quiet the mind, determination, etc, that I am not seeing clearly as impermanent/non-self/not satisfying. The thing I'm not seeing clearly therefore solidifies and appears permanent and a part of 'me'. I'm trying to go through everything, especially all of the little processes in the background, and shine a light on them.
When there's nothing left that I've not looked closely at, there will be nowhere for the sense of self to hide.
Please set me straight if this doesn't sound like a good idea.
No. I can't see it. There's one thing, and another thing. But no exact spot.So take it as a yes/no question instead. Can you find the spot they meet? Yes or no.
If yes, can you pinpoint that spot precisely?
If no, well ok.