Locked in a corner

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:41 am

Yes, it is relaxing to just watch life. It is also somewhat boring to watch what is in this life right now. Not much going on: work, rest, work… But that is just a thought. It is what is.

There is a thought that there is a belief that it should be some kind of experience/other way of seeing/knowing that this is it.
What is going to change? One can´t notice when a fantasy (I) is gone. It´s not here now, and it never was. There is just this! There is nothing to grip on to.

I know there aren´t any separate selves in other human bodies. What I see when I look at people is probably a body. I will have to take that question with me for the day and notice what else I might see.

Love
Barbro

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Ilona
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Ilona » Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:59 am

Living life and watching life is slightly different. Living life fully is same as diving into the moment and experiencing whatever is happening fully. We are not watchers of life standing somewhere outside of it. We are expressions of one life, manifesting AS forms, as humans, as feelings, sensations, thoughts.

Have a look, is there a watcher?
In normal everyday activities, are you detached from what IS?

Write what you find
Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Wed Mar 01, 2017 10:43 am

In everydaylife I'm not detached from what is - but there was a belief that i was!

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Ilona
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Ilona » Wed Mar 01, 2017 12:40 pm

:) sweet!

How is it going with the search? Any burning questions? Doubts?
Tell me where you are at.


Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Wed Mar 01, 2017 4:28 pm

Can't find any watcher, there is just seeing.
When i look at people i see life expressed as a body. Today i listen to somone expressing a lot of thougths. There is seeing that there is a lot of beliefs in front of me and accepting that.

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Ilona
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Ilona » Thu Mar 02, 2017 9:00 am

Wonderful. So can you say with a big fat YES, it's clear what we are pointing here to? What is clear?
What has changed and what hasn't?


Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Thu Mar 02, 2017 9:12 am

Woke up with feelings of stress, strain and fear. Yesterday at work i saw that life doesn´t feel the same when i´m with people as when i´m alone at home. There are moments when there are feelings of just being alive, but most of the time I´m definitely watching life, feeling outside. There is sadness when seeing that, feelings of “hopeless case”.
Asking myself who is outside and “hopeless case”? Knowing (intellectually) that there is no one there is just more tears and sadness.
Love
Barbro

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Ilona
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Ilona » Thu Mar 02, 2017 9:15 am

Morning.
I know that feeling of hopelessness... I hear you.
That's what is coming up and so be it. Say fine, this is the honest feeling, this is how life feels right now and it's totally allowed.
Then look behind, what is there that the feeling is happening to? Is there a feeler?
Where does the feeling come from?
What is behind that feeling of hopelessness?
Write what you find

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Thu Mar 02, 2017 9:32 am

Didn´t see your last post since I was writing to you.
No, I can´t say with a big fat YES what you are pointing to. I´m obviously having trouble seeing other people as just an expression of life. Most of the time i´m hiding from them. Who the hell is hiding! There is no one!
What is clear: there is no one, but still lots of beliefs
What has changed: there is seeing that thoughts aren´t true. They come and go, and I don´t have to believe in them.
What hasn´t changed: understanding that there is no one is still intellectual

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Thu Mar 02, 2017 1:53 pm

Love you Ilona! Thank you so much for helping! Tears coming when accepting that this is how life feels right now.

I have the day off so there has been time sitting with what is. Mind is trying to fix this strain and fear of never knowing life, and there is knowing mind can´t. More strain.
Thoughts about not being easy to prove there are no black swans just because not finding any. Using the same logic in not finding i or the false beliefs in it makes me see that there is a habit of not believing what is seen/experienced. There was a habit of holding back in order not to be exposed/hurt.

If I have a look there is no watcher, just watching. Also, there is nothing wrong with not liking what is seen.

Is there a feeler? No, there is no feeler, there is just feeling. There was also a belief that there is something wrong with feeling sad and a wish to escape the feeling.
Where does the feeling come from? I honestly don´t know.
What is behind that feeling of hopelessness? There was fear of exclusion.

Love
Barbro

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Ilona
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Ilona » Fri Mar 03, 2017 9:05 am

Dear one,
We are trained to avoid bad emotions and seek pleasurable ones. It's how we navigate- away from pain, closer to pleasure. But let's stop judging sensations, let's not make any sensations good or bad, wanted or unwanted. Let's allow all sensations to be ok. See what I'm saying? All sensations are ok. Then we can allow and feel them without judgement thya it is wrong, without wanting them to last longer or go away. There is freedom to feel. Freedom to express. It's not freedom from sensations but freedom to be open to, to be receptive.

When you are living from the point of receptivity, then all that comes can come without a fight. No need to fight. It's all one life, one movement, including people, situations, thoughts, ideas. Being open to life, surrendering to whatever is, is the way in..

The fear that comes up also wants to be noticed, wants to be felt, to be seen and honoured. It's a guide, it is showing what is there still that needs to be examined.

The fear of exclusion, can you see that it is protective? What is it trying to protect? Have a look
Is that protection still working? Is it still needed?

Write what you find.

Much love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Fri Mar 03, 2017 11:15 pm

All sensations are ok. Thank you for helping me see and accept that.
Felt a terrible fatigue when allowing it to just be there. I had quite an exhausting day yesterday, but felt better in the evening. Talked to my sister on the phone, and noticed a presence and honesty while talking to her that has not been here for a long time. There was freedom to feel, express, listen and be open.

I do not know what the fear of exclusion was protecting, me maybe. If so it´s completely unnecessary since there is no me. It doesn´t work and it most certainly isn´t needed. It stops everything. No feeling (except resistance/strain), no loving, no living!

Writing certainly clear things up…

Something you wrote earlier came into focus:
there is nothing to figure out.
nothing to understand.
nothing that mind can grasp or hold on to.
there is noticing what is already here. which is being, aware-ing, knowing of what is happening

Those words seems to have landed now.

Love
Barbro

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Fri Mar 03, 2017 11:23 pm

Suddenly seeing that there is fear of the meaninglessness of it all!

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Ilona
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Ilona » Sat Mar 04, 2017 8:59 am

Fear of meaninglessness assumes that there must be a meaning attached. And so what if there is no meaning? What if meaning is not required?
Like what is the meaning of a tulip? You can google it and find out what somebody says. Or you can look at one, experience, smell, feel it without making it to mean anything. Pure enjoyment, appreciation of experience that shows up as tulip.
Life's meaning is a big question. Find the answer. Let me know what arises.


Nice to hear that something landed :)

Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Barbro
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Re: Locked in a corner

Postby Barbro » Sat Mar 04, 2017 11:27 am

This morning there was just nothing to understand
What is coming up as far as meaninglessness of life is that there does not have to be a meaning. Life just is. An eternal movement.
Working so have to brief
Love you


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