Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

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ardi44
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Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby ardi44 » Wed Sep 30, 2015 10:14 pm

Hey. Been seeking for truth for about 2 years and 4 months. In the beginning my search involved the intellectual understanding of things. These past months I've been focused more on the truth that can be experienced directly.

I believe that life is happening to me. That these body part belong me. I feel that I am my brain, that I control thoughts. It feels this way a lot so I believe it. However I wan't to question these assumptions as they don't seem to be truth. I've tried self-inquiry even before this but with no success.
Hopefully, "I" can see through this illusion clearly. I really desire this.

Ardi

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Ilona
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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby Ilona » Mon Oct 05, 2015 6:12 pm

Hi ardi.
Thank you for writing to me and welcome to LU. :)

Looks that you are ready to leave beliefs and find out what is true.
Are you ready?

This is your process, write to me everyday, even if I don't answer.
Also, don't look up on what others say about your questions, but write from your own experience.

So what do you expect from this seeing through illusion ? What should be, feel, appear different?
What do you expect to happen?

Write all that comes up.


Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ardi44
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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby ardi44 » Wed Oct 14, 2015 12:16 pm

Hey Ilona.
So what do you expect from this seeing through illusion ? What should be, feel, appear different?
What do you expect to happen?
I don't really know. I guess there will be a shift of prespective from a "me" living life to life is just happening. I expect that my questions that are beyond no-self won't all be answered and will still arise after no-self is seen. But I think questioning on the level of "is there a self" will end. I don't know what else to expect, but I am really looking forward to find out what it will be like.
I also expect there will be more flow and ease.

Ardi

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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby Ilona » Thu Oct 15, 2015 6:31 pm

That's great, I see you don't have some magical expectations. But let's even leave those for now and take a look.

What comes up when toy let this thought in:

There is no self, none at all, no one there to get anything, no one to control, manage, live life. No one to understand, to witness. All there is is what is happening here now. As a freeflow of experience. You that you think you are as a separate entity, does not exist.

Write what arises at the moment of reading. What idea is the biggest trigger?

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ardi44
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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby ardi44 » Thu Oct 15, 2015 7:23 pm

If there is no self then, who the hell really am I? That's what comes up mostly.
And, "this is going to be difficult"

Ardi

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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby Ilona » Thu Oct 15, 2015 8:44 pm

Who the hell am I?
Good question
What's the answer?
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ardi44
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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby ardi44 » Thu Oct 15, 2015 9:26 pm

Well I'm not sure. It feels like I am a distinct person with control, but in theory this is BS. So I have to doubt this. I don't know who or what I am.

Ardi

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Ilona
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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby Ilona » Fri Oct 16, 2015 10:16 am

right, what are you in control of excatly?
what is not happening on automatic?
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby ardi44 » Fri Oct 16, 2015 9:35 pm

I am not sure how to answer. It just feels as if I initiate thoughts or impulses. I wish I could go into more detail but I'm not good at articulating what I feel.

Ardi

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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby Ilona » Sat Oct 17, 2015 7:58 am

Ok, it feels like.
But let's have a look at what is actually happening in experience.

Do you onow what the next thought will be before it arrives?
Can you stop a thought from coming?
Can you stop thinking for half an hour at will?

Have a look what is true.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ardi44
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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby ardi44 » Sun Oct 18, 2015 7:49 pm

Hi Ilona.
Do you onow what the next thought will be before it arrives?
No, not specifically, but there is a feeling/idea of what the next thought may be. So vaguely, it seems I have some idea of what my next thought will be, but can't know for sure.
Can you stop a thought from coming?
It depends from what perspective we take it. For example, I can break the patterns of certain thinking through thinking something else, and thus stop thinking about what I was thinking.
But I think you mean can I stop any thought in general. So if I see something can I stop myself from labeling/thinking it, correct? It doesn't seem I can stop thought from happening
Can you stop thinking for half an hour at will?
No, the thought just happen by themselves. Even the impulses to do things. It's like the body and brain knows what to do next automatically. But although these are clear examples of no control, there is still this me somewhere. It feels unfathomably real.

Ardi

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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby Ilona » Sun Oct 18, 2015 10:47 pm

There is no me, no I, no separate self. Have a look. Don't think it should be or shouldn't be, just look, what does this I supposedly do and how would life look if there really wasn't an I in charge?

What would be different?

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ardi44
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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby ardi44 » Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:06 pm

There is no me, no I, no separate self. Have a look. Don't think it should be or shouldn't be, just look, what does this I supposedly do and how would life look if there really wasn't an I in charge?
I feel like this sense of I is needed to make choices, to function, to relate. I'm not sure how life would look without this yet. Maybe the things I have mentioned can be carried out without an "I"?
What would be different?
I've thought about this and I think many things could happen. Maybe there will be more ease and flow. There won't be much belief in thought anymore and there will be more peace. But maybe not, I don't know until I see. But yeah, basically I think there will be more flow, and intuitive intelligence and there will be clarity as to what I am, or rather what I am not. So when "problems" arise, I can just see in direct experience what is happening and free myself from the terrible tyranny of thought.

Ardi

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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby Ilona » Tue Oct 20, 2015 5:20 pm

Hi ardi.

You say:
I feel like this sense of I is needed to make choices, to function, to relate. I'm not sure how life would look without this yet. Maybe the things I have mentioned can be carried out without an "I"?

Let's have a look at this closer.
Where is this sense of I right now? Can you locate it, look at it, and notice, what decisions is this sense making right now? Is this sense here all the time or it comes and goes?

How life would look without Santa?
Don't know if that happened to you, but as a child, did you believe in Santa or some other magical beings, then one day it was revealed that it's not how it works? What happened then? Did Santa disappear and life looked different? Or just a belief dropped and everything carried on just the same?
It's not different here. The magical super being 'I' that is believed to make choices and relate to other I-s does not exist. Nothing needs to change because it's never here.

To demonstrate the point, after reading this, close eyes and imagine you are holding a spoon. Imagine it fully and vividly, so that sensations are felt. Weight, texture, temperature, colour, shape, put some work into creating the image.

Then open your eyes. What happened to the spoon? What happened to sensations? We're sensations really felt? Was the spoon really there?
Spend time examining this.

Write down what you notice and what feels true. Including body sensations and feeling.

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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ardi44
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Re: Requesting Ilona as a guide if possible.

Postby ardi44 » Mon Apr 11, 2016 7:37 pm

Hi Ilona!

Sorry for not replying for so long without any notice, I just sort of gave up on this. But I still, I have been guided by a person on facebook who I believe made me look into my direct experience. And really, I am not sure if this is it. If this is the so called "awakening" I've been looking for so long is really just simply looking at whatever is happening now. It just feels so weird..

But anyway, we were talking about empty spaces, and he mentioned "the box is empty". He then also roughly asked "these words are being seen, but where is the seer located" And I thought, how can nothing be located somewhere? And then I think I sort of realized that empty nature of experience. Where everything is happening, but it's all happening in a void.. in "no-self" in an empty box, and the box is also located in that same place. It's kind of hard to explain in words but I think 'I' have it in experience. Does this sound too philosophical, my thoughts are all around the place right now, I'm not even speaking proper english. But yeah, I'm not sure if this shift of perspective is it.
Hope to reconcile all of this,

Ardi


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