Have had some definite opening but looking for....

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Mario_2
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Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Mario_2 » Sun Jul 12, 2015 11:28 am

Hi!

I read the book "Gateless Gatecrashers" and it was very useful. I had read a lot of Maharishi, Maharaja, etc so felt very open to this. Also practiced several styles of meditation over last 15 years, and have settled on Kriya, after YOgananda, and it is very valuable at helping realize I am one with my Beloved.


Had some major awakenings in the last decade, followed by intense karmic purging and a lot of suffering, rejection by friends and so on. I am feeling much more free and empowered now but still there is like a dead layer of skin that needs to be shed, and is already sloughing off. Feeling like the awakening has happened, or is happening, but seeking greater clarity and what to do with it now. Thanks so much for feedback.

love and light.

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Sarah7
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Sarah7 » Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:07 am

Hi Mario
Im Sarah and Id be happy to speak with you.
Have you looked around the site - I know you have read the book, do you know what we do here?
I am feeling much more free and empowered now but still there is like a dead layer of skin that needs to be shed, and is already sloughing off. Feeling like the awakening has happened, or is happening, but seeking greater clarity and what to do with it now.
Are you wanting confirmation or making sure the dead layer has gone first?
How can I help you?
Hugs Sarah xxx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Mario_2
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Mario_2 » Tue Jul 14, 2015 11:57 pm

Hi Sarah.

Glad to hear from you.

Yes, I would like to verify with someone else that what i have seen is valid first, then do final questions, etc.

Basically, I have come to a place of profound desire to be united to what is Actual and have felt that that Reality has moved into me and quieted MOST of my fears and so on. There is still the feeling that I'd like to do my best in life and use my skills for bettering the world, but I feel overall just a sense of peace, and that the heart is now guiding and I know it is full of light, full of love and comfort, and still pointing out any old garbage I need to toss out.

The part that still needs some reassuring and guidance is amazed by all of this and knows the validity of no-mind and yet it still enacts its little plays, which I tolerate but am aware are ultimately void, ultimately non-events. But even the people I have met who claim to have achieved this Union or whatever you call it seem to have these quirks too, so...I wonder what Union, or Perfection or Samadhi really means sometimes. This tells me that I still have some work to do.

Honestly I feel like there is still infinite expansion that is possible, and is commenced, which is beautiful, but I also know that I have some grumpiness and shallow stuff to let go of still.

So, in terms of "no-mind," I think I have had the experience that many coached by Ilona, etc, have had, but want to continue to explore in order to dissolve any vestiges of pessimism, greed, hubris that remain.

The more directly we get at this, the better.

Thanks for your agreeing to help me with this.

Mario

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Sarah7
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Sarah7 » Wed Jul 15, 2015 9:40 am

Hey Mario
Yes, I would like to verify with someone else that what i have seen is valid first, then do final questions, etc.
OK – so Im going to ask some questions just to see if there is anything still outstanding and if not then some final questions. OK – shouldn’t take too long – but I do like to be thorough!

Have you been able to find, a ‘self’ that is the ‘experiencer’?
Or a self that is the doer, or can control what happens?
Or a self that ‘makes’ decisions? Or a self who ‘does the thinking’? What about free will?
Is the "body" just another thought label for sensations?
Are the five body senses made to arise or experienced by this ‘self’?
Is there a self ‘in here’ which is separate from the world and others ‘out there’?
Is there doubt or unclarity that in all these cases the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?
Basically, I have come to a place of profound desire to be united to what is Actual and have felt that that Reality has moved into me and quieted MOST of my fears and so on.
‘My’ fear? Do you own it? Is it yours?
The part that still needs some reassuring and guidance is amazed by all of this and knows the validity of no-mind and yet it still enacts its little plays, which I tolerate but am aware are ultimately void, ultimately non-events. But even the people I have met who claim to have achieved this Union or whatever you call it seem to have these quirks too, so...I wonder what Union, or Perfection or Samadhi really means sometimes. This tells me that I still have some work to do.
Is this anything more than thought wanting something other than what is?
Hugs Sarah xxx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Mario_2
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Mario_2 » Wed Jul 15, 2015 6:49 pm

HI Sarah.

In looking at the self, I see plainly after a short time that:
there is no distinct experiencer
this self-entity is a kind of projection which is neither doer nor controller
and therefore decision making, thinking and free will are part of the concomitant illusion it invents and fails to inspect.
Body is appears as a dream image upon deep seeing and could be said to be a result of unexamined sensations
and it is this empty self which lives in them, though it does not really live in them since Being, which asserts itself when all the rest is seen into has given rise to all of these experiences and yet soars beyond them.
The five senses, when made quiet, reveal a much deeper, more solid and self evident Beingness which lacks nothing and is only the witness of all these substances and effects.
Therefore the world as it appears, the body as it is felt and the self are all one inert idea, void of actual identity, or rather, of limited identity for only the one and unlimited Beingness is real in fact.
There is absolutely no separation, in fact, and nothing to be separated whatsoever; from my direct looking at it, this is clear. It all appears as a ruse, a game, an invention for mere play which we take seriously in play and then forget we are playing.

I can see plainly that the self is a mental fabrication. I feel a sense of peace in accepting this and sharing the details with someone else, it is a real and liberating and honest thing to say that.

But, I still feel uncomfortable when mosquitoes attack in droves and feel a bit annoyed.

This annoyance, and fears in general do not belong to me, that is a fact, too.

You are right also that clinging to an idea of Union is only wanting something that is already here and trying to mold it according to an arbitrary idea. I know that is also true.

It is quite simple really, there is no separate self at any time anywhere. Actually stating that feels right and very natural.

Thanks for your help so far Sarah. Let's move on.

Many thanks--this was very helpful.

Mario

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Sarah7
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Sarah7 » Thu Jul 16, 2015 8:08 am

Mornin Mario
The five senses, when made quiet,

By what?
But, I still feel uncomfortable when mosquitoes attack in droves and feel a bit annoyed. This annoyance, and fears in general do not belong to me, that is a fact, too.

Did you expect annoyance to not rise anymore? Can you have a look at this annoyance – what is it made up of? Thoughts, emotion, sensation etc? Thoughts wanting something other than what is? Are there also thoughts about the fact you are annoyed that you are annoyed? LOL.

When you say in general they don’t belong – is there somewhere that they do? That you feel an ownership?
Hugs Sarah xxx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Mario_2
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Mario_2 » Thu Jul 16, 2015 8:39 pm

HI Sarah.

Thanks for this response.

Looking directly, I see that the senses themselves continue to feel and respond but there is infinite space around them. Sensations, even annoyance, are like clouds in the sky but there's a space all around and through the clouds which doesn't change. Looking directly the mind is silenced in Void.

Annoyance and anxieties are a reaction to guard what's "mine." But when I play with this idea of "mine." it dissolves. When I look hard at it, it just falls away to reveal the heart gain. That is clear enough, heart looks after the heart, space merges in space.

when I feel annoyance, I recognize the feeling is rooted in thoughts of desire for some alternative.These thoughts label each sensation; the feeling is "I want something else." And then, yes, it gets compounded because I am now annoyed with myself for being affected. Sometimes. But then I walk around and, for example, the mosquitoes leave, even the sting where the mosquitoes bit is just sensation-in-void. That's it.

As i sit and write this now I see the self and its thoughts from a distance and it looks pretty funny. I have been looking at this me, a mental cloud formation, but when I look, it melts altogether. This heart-void pulls each new thought into it and dissolves it.

When I walk around and see the river, the trees, people walking around, all of it is happening spontaneously in and as void. -just life living life.

Is there a sense of ownership? i see it as the Heart and that Heart is wise enough not to have to label it, but it can playfully live out a "role" because it knows it is already ok, already at home in the void.

Has there ever really been a self involved? When I look straight at it, it melts into Heart-Void.

Hugs,
Mario

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Mario_2
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Mario_2 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:16 am

Hello Sarah.

Please send the final questions. Or don't if you don't want to. I have not doubts about this awakening.

peace and joy.

M

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Sarah7
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Sarah7 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 12:04 pm

Hi Mario
Take your time with these and please add as much detail as is needed.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) Anything to add?
Hugs Sarah xxx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Mario_2
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Mario_2 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 10:38 pm

Hello Sarah.

Thank you so very much for your guiding, you did a great job and made it very easy, I feel I had already seen but just needed to trust myself in what had already definitely taken place some time ago and your keen listening skills and direct pointing got me in deep, fast! It is amazing to me how quickly it came into focus. There is a real sense of awe and silence still being digested, almost pinching myself. Sharing the experience with someone that has been through a similar direct-seeing was invaluable, truly. Immensely grateful, praying for and wishing you and the team of guides much love and energy and contemplating guiding too.

1: It has come home like hitting a wall: there is absolutely no separate self, all is freshly taking place in harmony with its own super-subtle Nature here and now and is rich and complete. No words apply, truly.

2: The illusion of the ego self is a poorly-camouflaged scaffold that is constructed of fear and self doubt. When it is looked at boldy and lovingly, it is seen straight through. It is like seeing a ghost in a post: the fear convinces us that we must hide or flee but if we simply look into our belief we find no ghost anywhere whatsoever. The fear evaporates forever.

3: It is a great relief to see this, like finally being able to sit down to rest after walking all night long. The main difference is that now I have not only witnessed that the ego-sense is a pure illusion, but shared this insight and had it confirmed that others recognize the same thing and admit it without hesitation. There is a crystal clarity in KNOWING that the ego self is utterly void; I can only laugh and return to what I love most, unburdened and grateful for having shared so closely. That a stranger would take time toward this end is etched in my heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you, my Friend, Sarah! Again, it is just that now I see this whole process not only from the outside, as I had before in witness-mode, but from an immense distance whereby the ego has toppled like a string of dominoes. To anyone reading this post struggling, here is my suggestion: trust that the seeing through does not have to be very hard. Trust yourself in this. you don't have to strain and fight, just look with clarity, love and humor. It will very quickly dawn and it is kind of like an electric shock, but bliss-filled. If there is still a lot of resistance, do a little meditation in the morning and evening and find someone to talk to about it personally, to open up to and vent with. There is an undeniable power that shakes off the illusions and returns Home to rest and abide. It is just a purification of the heart and one just settles in for the long haul, satisfied in full just to be here,now. Wow, nirvana is real and it is like Maharishi said: you are there now. Relax in full and trust that you are Home. Then act on what you feel.

4: The thing that pushed me over was just being still with it, accepting TOTALLY where I am. I spent an evening fly fishing for bass to relax and get a breather. It was dark and lovely and otherworldly, but very buggy. I caught some nice fish but had to leave after awhile because the mosquitoes were ravenous. I felt deeply ashamed somehow, it triggered a deep sense of frustration and inadequacy. But when I sat with it and let go, I could only laugh and give myself credence, gentleness. That little gesture of goodwill toward my true nature was the straw that broke the camel's back. My heart just came alive after that last bit of nurturing and self acceptance. In the midst of this emptiness, a sacred space welled up and swallowed me, the lake, the bugs and the "mission" to be "perfect."

5: I see that there is a source deep within that is guiding with its own wisdom. That is where I rest and it is self-perpetuating, non-volitional, absolutely complete.I feel that I have utterly and absolutely nothing to prove, just one step at a time. very very hard to put into words. Just infinite, bright, space. It is alive with its own beauty though ever empty, provocative, complete. And absolutely real! Just what it is, no pretense. And the Heart seems to guard and guide but it is really funny since, yeah, there was definitely never any actor at all, at all, and no stage. There was never anything to prove, but the seeming show is still fun, a comedy in the end despite any twists and turns. What remains is simple being and needs no labels or volition--I feel like I have fallen into a clear hole and am still in free fall. For example, when I read my email now, there is just space to let everything unfold by itself--no anxiety, no fear that this is some transient state even--just a pure witnessing and presence--in THIS eternal moment. I do not need to make stuff happen--I see nothing really ever happened anyway, but I continue to work and explore and enjoy and share like before, but now from a place of Silence.

6: I keep hearing little snippets of songs that I heard when I lived abroad, things I used to play but haven't thought of for years and also little bits of repressed emotions are coming out and finding reconciliation, harmony. I know that the sky is the limit and this is just the beginning but the whole world has shrunk to a little drop in the sea of the Heart. I have simply reached my hand to all that it offers, lent my ear unconditionally to the Song it has always been singing freely. That little drop of my Heart has merged with the sea and found itself united to the unlimited and uncreated Presence.

Thank you again. Wow, amazing grace...

Mazzzen

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Sarah7
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Sarah7 » Sat Jul 18, 2015 8:51 am

Hey Mario
Thanks for that. Going to ask the other guides to check over what has been written - this can take a while or can be real quick! Never know - so keep checking in please.
Hugs Sarah xxx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.

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Mario_2
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Mario_2 » Sat Jul 18, 2015 5:58 pm

Ok, thank you Sara,

I am truly grateful for the time you took and am glad to have had a chance to look directly and clearly at what you pointed to. It is unlike anything I've done before, despite lots of meditation and even practicing direct seeing. Having these pointesr helped so much. Hugs to you and the team, and let me know if there is something I can do for you, too. :)

Take care
Mario

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Sarah7
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Re: Have had some definite opening but looking for....

Postby Sarah7 » Sun Jul 19, 2015 10:58 am

Hey Mario
Ive pm'd you - purple bar - in the brackets! :)
Hugs S xxx
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.


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