And here is the answer for second message. Currently feels very strange. I feel everything is very obvious... and at the same time I feel that "it can't be this obvious". I think am waiting for a feeling that I have 100% no doubt that separate self does not exist. Is this "wish" reasonable or should I throw away all expectations?
If manipulation happens, isn't there someone in control or manipulating the thoughts? Or does manipulation also just happen? Without I?
Is there any 'one' or 'thing' in control? Look at your direct experience on this question. What do you find?
I do not find anything, If I try and try to be in control, it little bit interrupts the natural flow - or blurs my vision a bit - but in the end, I haven't found anything that could eventually control anything.
Actually, when I look closely to this process. The "I" operates with "same principles" than the other stories. Actually quite shocking as well. I can't separate other stories from "I story".
Excellent observation.... its all about 'me'. Its very hard to find any thought not related to I.
It has been also my experience that I haven't been able to find this I. But I also feel that I get angry or discomfortable by looking as I reach "what are you looking there, nobody there" -sensation.
Because its not there, it can't be found, other than a thought in our heads.
What distracts me is that why do I get angry by stating that there is nobody there. Shouldn't it be a happy thing? Maybe there shouldn't be anybody to get angry?
Ownership seems to last only when many people are believing in a same thought. In that sense, ownership is not possible without a thought. The things just are as they are. There is really nothing one can "do" to own them... So I would say ownership is "true" in my subjective reality if I buy the thought... but in the end, there is no ownership in reality. A little bit scary as well as because a feeling "I am losing everything" -comes.
In reality, 'we' never had anything. Yes it can be a bit shocking.
Don't turn from the feeling. Experience the feeling as it comes up.
Thanks, I dare to say that I am fine with the fact that we never had anything. It is obvious. It is common sense.
I can say it is more true that the hand moved. It seems that the hand and so called "control-I" are somehow very separate and disconnected. They don't operate in same level, or with same principles... I can reach a thoughts like "it is quite scary if this is real, then I don't know what is going to happen ifthere is no control" or "should I just watch and see what this body does - I am scared of what that shall be"
For sure the body is here. But the I, the me, the entity, that's what maybe we're not exactly sure of. This is what has been taken for granted for so long and believed. Is it true? We've seen how we're really not sure if there is an I controlling the thoughts or the body. Convention tells us that for sure, I am in control. But are we really? Who is in control? Do we know?
I have been thinking the control question quite a lot. Possibly all my life. It seems and feels that I am in control but I dare to say that things are not always (never?) what they seem. So I definitely can't say that I don't know whether there is someone separate entity in control or not.
Good noticing. Yes, this can bring up some fear.
Fear of loss of control. If we don't control it, who or what does?
Again, don't turn from the fear. It is there to protect.
Welcome it, rest with it, experience it, and look behind the fear.
Is there anything there?
Couldn't actually meet or reach any feelings of fear after your message. But before when I have really met the fear fully it seems that in the end, fear and happy feelings feel the same. Just energy. Maybe it is just labels that I put on different bodily resonances.
As you go through your day and move around, see if you can find that there is a self moving things around. Look for this I. As you talk, walk, drive, eat, type, check it out. Is there a self living your life? Or are all the thoughts about all of these things, including the I apparently living your life?
You don't have to decide or believe anything at all, just look at whats true for you. In life, in all your actions, keep returning to this focus on the thoughts as you move around. Simply keep checking if there is something real, besides a thought, that owns and directs the body.
Write it down. Try a stream of consciousness on a couple of things, like typing for example.
If you can pin these thoughts down and get a good look at them, it's usually very revealing.
Could you clarify what you exactly mean with this exercise. Do you mean that I could do something and then write down if I could find a separate entity that would control the doing? Anyhow, this is what I did.
By observing my life couple of days, it indeed feels that things happen themselves. Sometimes I have thoughts that something should happen...and sometimes it goes that way BUT sometimes very differently. At certain times, I have felt that my legs move by themselves and I can't be in control, I couldn't control all the millions of miracles that the moments bring. I might blur my vision and distract my clear seeing but control there is not.
By writing things down I saw my hands write that "I can't find anybody in control". I have I tried hard to see and try to be without trying. Just nothing. Nothing tangible. Eventually my hands wrote "why it can't be clear to me... clear to WHOM?"
By writing this I can also see how stupid - or strange - it feels to input "my" and "I" to every possible place in writing as well. It means nothing but it is just a very strong habit.