Laura, this thread is for you.

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Ilona
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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Ilona » Mon May 14, 2012 9:48 pm

Life is.
I isn't.

I is imagined.
Same like unicorn is imagined.

Is this true?
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Laura
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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Laura » Tue May 15, 2012 12:37 am

Yes, it's true. It's true. The I is imagined. It is all just a thought, story, belief. Some tears. Sadness. Thoughts about the weight of living lost in the story of the I and how hard that was/is a lot of the time. Really a burden keeping that I going. And with or without that imagined I, what is here? Spaciousness. Curiousity. Noticing. Wondering what will happen next. Openness. A whole new way of being in the world... or so it seems:). And nothing is really different. Life continuing lifing. Just effortless, unless a thought is believed otherwise.

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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Ilona » Tue May 15, 2012 8:20 am

Beautiful, Laura!

Yes, this is IT.
How does it feel to see this? How is your day going? Any subtle change?

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Laura » Tue May 15, 2012 5:58 pm

Hi.

So many emotions today. There was what mind labeled depression when 'I' awoke... and then mind wanting to find a 'why' for the low affect. Seemed related to the expectations of what 'waking up' would be like, something more exciting, fireworks. It is lifting as tears are allowed. More sadness at what feels like the end of a long search, journey. Lots of tears, crying without much reason. A jumble of subtle relief, sadness, gratitude? Mind labeling sensations. And somehow mind seems too tired to make up too big a story about any of it.

More tears coming. Body crying. Enjoying the release. There is little interest to 'do' anything and talking/writing about this feels likes there isn't much to say. There is the feeling that all is being taken care of. That imagined 'I' isn't needed. More tears:). Watching hands take a napkin and wipe crumbs from around the mouth. Like watching an infant being cared for by a loving parent. And seems this loving parent is all there is. Life taking care of everything.

The world seems subtly quieter, stiller, lighter. And everything is the same. The past and future are hard to think about right now(Amen!). And little bubbles of joy rising with tears. And gratitude for you, Ilona, and this whole seeming long dream journey. You are like Glinda the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz - showing us how to get home. And we were home all along. And there's no place like home:).

Looking forward to getting to see the next episodes in this story of Laura:). Lots of smiling now. And mind is definitely not working like it usually does...

Ramblings w/love.

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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Ilona » Tue May 15, 2012 8:49 pm

Very touching. And tears are welcomed. It's been such epic journey from here to here. So happy for you Laura. This is a beginning of new way of seeing and living in joy rather than fear.
Of course it takes time to settle in and clear all the rubble that is left after seeing happened. And journey goes on. It does not stop. But rather being a journey of seeker its now journey of exploration. Much more fun.

Let it settle in. Relax. And you know- whatever comes up is ok. It's here for release.

Lots of love. And a hug.
We shall talk more tomorrow.

Have some rest. :))
So happy for you.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Laura » Wed May 16, 2012 5:49 pm

Hi Ilona,
Just checking in today. Feeling light, excited, present. Since beginning this conversation, I have been watching the tree outside the window behind my computer. At the start, it was bare. Now it is covered in bright green leaves and thick with white flowers. Each day, it seemed nothing was happening. Such subtle changes. And now...

Something feels different here. Less sticking, less solidity. And yet more stable. I heard myself tell someone yesterday that I was going to be moving out of my office. That was a surprise. The thought of it had been there on and off for a few months, but the spoken words were news to me. And who knows what will really happen. Moving will happen or it won't and there is excitement to see which way life goes. No decisions:). I used to think one of my shortcomings was that I was indecisive. That seems absurd now. And tears again for having suffered over it. So many little mental knots coming undone.

And excitement. A child's voice inside saying with anticipation: Wonder what's going to happen next??? And the energy that for so many years has gone toward spiritual reading, inquiry, seeking is slooooooowwwwing down and looking around to see what it's going to do with itself:). As is the character Laura. She seems a bit disoriented. Funny to watch the story of her adjusting. And from the outside real world nothing has changed. Sun shining, geese walking in the meadow, robin flying by, fingers typing. Life lifing as usual. Epic journey from here to here!

And continuing Love and Gratitude for this process and you.

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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Ilona » Wed May 16, 2012 7:18 pm

Feeling so much love and appreciation here too.
Your writing is beautiful and right from the heart. Thank you.

I can say you are ready for the final questions. :) answer when you ready, in full, with honesty and from your own seeing. Here are the questions:

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? 

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.  

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? 


Sending love!
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Laura » Wed May 16, 2012 10:28 pm

Letting it all sink in. Will reply tomorrow. Very content. Ahhh......

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Ilona
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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Ilona » Wed May 16, 2012 11:31 pm

Great! Yes, write when it feels right.
Lots of love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Laura
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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Laura » Thu May 17, 2012 5:52 pm

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. Just a jumble of thoughts: memories, beliefs, imaginings, stories that we label a 'me'. Nothing real. There has never been a 'me'. All make believe.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
At some young age, we believe parents/societies story that there is a 'me' with a name and separate identity - and these thoughts, memories, as well as this body/mind are a somebody, who we are. Identified with this story - just words and thoughts - that we believe we are in control of, and need to protect - LIfe ends up seeming like a scary, separate struggle.
3) How does it feel to see this?
Shocking really. What a whopper of a tale. And that most humans live under this painful delusion is really quite stunning. It also feels exciting to see this. What will life be like without this belief? Also a bit disorienting. And a sigh of relief - sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. And on some level, not a big deal, life continues on.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.
'You' don't exist. The 'you' you think you are is just that - thinking, thoughts. Not real. Not in control. Does a 'you' do the breathing, thinking? Is a 'you' really in control of anything? Examine thoughts, actions. And what is really here? What is real? There is an experience of aliveness, but does that need to be labeled 'me'? This identification with all these thoughts feels 'normal', familiar, but is ultimately not real and the cause of suffering. And it is so simple, it is overlooked.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
For a while now, the illusion of this 'me' construct was understood, but not felt. I read where you said to someone: "If you see there is no me, then admit it!" That was a good shove, but the final push seemed to be the metaphor of the consciousness of lost limbs. Mind kept looking and clearly seeing that the limb(me) wasn't there, but it still felt like it was. With that analogy, the mind relaxes into the knowing that a sensation (+ label) of limb(me) doesn't means that it exists.

There is a doubt/question. When I read: "The experience, experiencer, experienced are all one. No gap." Mind comes up blank. Is that just another way of saying - Experiencing is all there is?

There is also the thought that I don't want this conversation to end. You have been such a friend, dear Ilona. Thank you. When will you come for tea?

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Re: Laura, this thread is for you.

Postby Ilona » Fri May 18, 2012 12:38 pm

Dear Laura, thank you for answers, it's clear that you have seen where i was pointing to. the conversation does not have to end. we can talk more if you like in Unleashed part of the forum.
are you on facebook? if not, please create account and find me there https://www.facebook.com/ilona.ciunaite i will invite you to fb group where you can meet more friends and have conversations with others who have seen throught illusion of I.

what a lovely epic journey. it was such pleasure to work with you.
*bows*
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book


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