Will it work for me...?

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Ingen
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Re: Will it work for me...?

Postby Ingen » Mon Apr 16, 2012 9:21 pm

cracked down the fact that most fights and unpleasant feelings could be avoided if we don't give ground to the seed, which is "self-ing" thoughts... for me, it was the: "I slept bad, it's your fault, what I am gonna do all day... and so on that did it!
Wonderful. Don't count on it though that there will always only be good feelings.

What if anger, jealousy, worries arise? Would that mean "the self is back?"

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MarcF
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Re: Will it work for me...?

Postby MarcF » Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:19 pm

Wonderful. Don't count on it though that there will always only be good feelings.
I know, and I expected so. Life has to go its own way, with hard times, good times. only difference is the fight is fought at the moment it's needed, you don't drag it along anymore, nor build anger, resentment, and destructive thoughts.
What if anger, jealousy, worries arise? Would that mean "the self is back?"
Hmmmm... Anger can rise for a good reason, when needed. like worries... I guess if my daughter or wife are attacked by a maniac, or disappear all day without a word, or have an accident, I might as well experience those feelings. what would change is the response I'd give it. It might last only an heartbeat, or an hour, but won't drag me in the self-ing painful thoughts that would keep me building more pain.

jealousy.. I am not the jealous kind, although saying so, I had my tantrums! I think that one is the most selfish one. it comes directly from a fear of losing some "belonging" or wanting other's, meaning the self isn't satisfied and needs attention.
talking about this, it's funny you mention Jealousy, as I was observing today, and it came as the topic of the afternoon.
I spend the day looking, and for once, not judging, criticizing mentally, gauging myself on others,and so on.
I looked at nice cars that I would normally feel some pinch of resentment in the stomach, with unpleasant thoughts on my condition. this didn't happen. I was looking, seeing the beauty of it without feeling the need to own it.
will it last? I don't know, but since 2 days, I am on discovery mode, things open up, slowly, one by one, on their own rhythm, and it's very cool.
another thing. I didn't feel my mindset so clear since long, maybe ever. like if a veil lifted from my mind.
and it's even cooler.
still I haven't slept since last night, and I am quite content describing you my adventures!
I am quite excited to see what is coming, good or bad, but I don't believe in "bad"... it's just circumstances forcing you to change!
now that was quite a bit of writing, and I might bore you...:-), so gonna dash to prep for a good sleep.
Thank you!

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Ingen
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Re: Will it work for me...?

Postby Ingen » Tue Apr 17, 2012 8:37 am

Marc, it sounds very much like you are "through". Which of course is only the beginning!

I'll also ask the other guides if they see anything you should look at some more. To make it easier for them I'll post our usual "confirmation questions". Please answer them in detail, in your own words, take your time. Some of it you have already answered, but maybe a new aspect comes up when writing about it again.


1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

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MarcF
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Re: Will it work for me...?

Postby MarcF » Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:03 am

Dear Ingen,

sorry for the delay, I have been thinking a lot since `i saw your mail...
I wonder if I am really through... nothing noticeable happened to "me", other than some kind of sudden eye infection since yesterday (since I see?), and some emotional bursts in form of tears, feelings of compassion and love in the chest. thinking about it bring me tears right now, weird, strange.
I had a normal day, in "normal" I mean no new insight, but to mention, a comforting stance all afternoon and evening.

I have been trying to analyze my feelings, way of looking, reactions, etc, after I read your mail.
First I was in deny, saying it is not possible, it's too fast, can't be that easy, it's not the "wow" thing I expected, she is wrong, and so on...
But maybe it is this, no changes, just a way to see things differently, without "self" involved, nor thoughts gripping the mind for hours, about who and how I am...and hey, it seems to be the case. A new kind of peace.
I noticed a lot more silence in the mind. So I guess I will answer your questions the best I can.
I will do so from tomorrow, if you don't mind, as I do not feel like doing it now, it is too late, and I want to enjoy the last bit of wakened time to look, listen, observe...

with much Love

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Ingen
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Re: Will it work for me...?

Postby Ingen » Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:01 pm

That's fine. If you have doubts, let me know. We'll talk until you are clear. We can also keep talking after you are confirmed!!

Much love to you too, Marc

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MarcF
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Re: Will it work for me...?

Postby MarcF » Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:53 pm

wow, confirmed as free being!
yesterday I had doubts, No more!
let's go then...
1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there never was, only an illusion, a big one, called a belief in a ME, with loads of needs.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
it is to be dependent of our surroundings, to believe we are or are not this kind of good or bad person, to believe in a worthiness sanctioned by others' or own judgement, gauged by self assertion or criticism. the illusion of separate self is to feel the pain of being, by translating every stimuli in a personal challenge, making one believe in a better life if this or that is done according to the thoughts nurturing the feelings. I believe it starts from early childhood, when we are asserted first by parents and family as having some other person's traits or habits...some capacities, capabilities, etc, and it builds on to make believe of a "mould" we belong to, or need to comply with. Then it keeps growing the seed by interaction with others, teachers, friends, with short lived judgements on our actions or behaviors, comments on how we should be or have been. there is never place for the RIGHT NOW, for freedom, all is suggested subtly, slowly, insidiously, until we lose innocence totally and become what will please the community we live around. it's an adjustment to others fears and desires, to society. and then we are what thoughts tells us, leading a life on a narrow path, always on an edge, scared of falling right or left. we live in fear, best food for thought, repositioning the SELF every now and then, trying new lives when one becomes too tight like and old suit.
3) How does it feel to see this?
it feels silly from my actual place. a waste. all this time in pain, without seeing the truth that is simply here
and right now, it feels good, as a great learning curve, with a new world of opportunities opening, new things to see, the old world becoming new and fresh. I can't feel angry or anything else, as I am at peace...stillness, quietness, appreciation are the only words coming up to mind. I just feel excited, like a kid discovering new toys. I got super hero tools now, like laser vision, contrast boosted colors, and all that with the bounty of none of those invasive thoughts!
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion.
hmmm. a tough one! not being great at teaching, not sure how I would bring this up. it is really fresh, and not quite settled in at the moment, so I'd go in every direction, trying to describe the world to a blind man!
I honestly don't know how I could explain the truth to someone who believes he holds it already. but sure I'd take the allusion to clouds as thoughts, dark or white, scary or funny, sticking together or detaching from each others, as being here but never wholly together, clouding the mind as they do the sky, and that by looking honestly, the sun always shines beyond this veil. there is no point believing in clouds as in thoughts.
Maybe with time and practice I'd wrap it up better, but the idea is here.
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
A bad night, morning anger towards a loved one, she had a strange look in the eyes, non- understanding but still forgiving, and here it was... the sudden realization that the night was the past, I was in the NOW, thoughts were clouding my moments of life, and nothing was worth anger nor attitude. all I was seeing around was love and care. I felt myself (no other word for it, sorry.. ) looking inside me. there was no ME angry anymore, gone, vanished, not even the memory of it, only the threads slowly dissolving. tiredness disappeared, and it felt good, I FELT good. I started to smile, to see the colors, the mirror, the lights, and to sing. I spent the day singing and looking. I started to see, really see: people and things, not images or projections of my fears or desires. It felt so different. lot of compassion, the real one I never experienced before. Now, I keep looking the NOW. there is a quality, an intensity to it.

After all this typing, I realize how shallow life was. there is a new depth into all that I touch by the eye or other senses, and especially, a new quality in my relation to others. I now take time to listen, to look at their queries, with intense pleasure rather than "have to" kind of attitude, and it all comes down to the simple fact that I live it at the time it happens. the chatter in my mind stopped, or dissolved, leaving space to peace, attention, and interest.
I have so much to write about it, but it looks like I'd need to wrap it in sugar again and again to make it sweeter than the actual feeling, (although even with all the honey of the world I doubt it can match half this elation! ) :-)))
I don't even think about me anymore (till now)
that's great, simply great. I have no more doubt that something happened, something good. A life changing insight.
Thanks so much Ingen for this great guidance, you broke all my walls relentlessly to bring me here, in the NOW.
with much Love and gratitude to you and your fellow guides.

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Ingen
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Re: Will it work for me...?

Postby Ingen » Thu Apr 19, 2012 8:50 am

Marc, this is just beautiful. I have nothing to add right now, let it sink in and enjoy, while we are waiting for the other guides to review our conversation. Then I'll get back to you with some further information.

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Ingen
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Location: Denmark

Re: Will it work for me...?

Postby Ingen » Thu Apr 19, 2012 10:19 am

It didn't take long to get you confirmed, your statement was very convincing.

I'll send you a PM with information about the other parts of the forum and our FB group. We are looking forward to see you there, Marc!

Much love,

Ingen


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