wow, confirmed as free being!
yesterday I had doubts, No more!
let's go then...
1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there never was, only an illusion, a big one, called a belief in a ME, with loads of needs.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
it is to be dependent of our surroundings, to believe we are or are not this kind of good or bad person, to believe in a worthiness sanctioned by others' or own judgement, gauged by self assertion or criticism. the illusion of separate self is to feel the pain of being, by translating every stimuli in a personal challenge, making one believe in a better life if this or that is done according to the thoughts nurturing the feelings. I believe it starts from early childhood, when we are asserted first by parents and family as having some other person's traits or habits...some capacities, capabilities, etc, and it builds on to make believe of a "mould" we belong to, or need to comply with. Then it keeps growing the seed by interaction with others, teachers, friends, with short lived judgements on our actions or behaviors, comments on how we should be or have been. there is never place for the RIGHT NOW, for freedom, all is suggested subtly, slowly, insidiously, until we lose innocence totally and become what will please the community we live around. it's an adjustment to others fears and desires, to society. and then we are what thoughts tells us, leading a life on a narrow path, always on an edge, scared of falling right or left. we live in fear, best food for thought, repositioning the SELF every now and then, trying new lives when one becomes too tight like and old suit.
3) How does it feel to see this?
it feels silly from my actual place. a waste. all this time in pain, without seeing the truth that is simply here
and right now, it feels good, as a great learning curve, with a new world of opportunities opening, new things to see, the old world becoming new and fresh. I can't feel angry or anything else, as I am at peace...stillness, quietness, appreciation are the only words coming up to mind. I just feel excited, like a kid discovering new toys. I got super hero tools now, like laser vision, contrast boosted colors, and all that with the bounty of none of those invasive thoughts!
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion.
hmmm. a tough one! not being great at teaching, not sure how I would bring this up. it is really fresh, and not quite settled in at the moment, so I'd go in every direction, trying to describe the world to a blind man!
I honestly don't know how I could explain the truth to someone who believes he holds it already. but sure I'd take the allusion to clouds as thoughts, dark or white, scary or funny, sticking together or detaching from each others, as being here but never wholly together, clouding the mind as they do the sky, and that by looking honestly, the sun always shines beyond this veil. there is no point believing in clouds as in thoughts.
Maybe with time and practice I'd wrap it up better, but the idea is here.
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
A bad night, morning anger towards a loved one, she had a strange look in the eyes, non- understanding but still forgiving, and here it was... the sudden realization that the night was the past, I was in the NOW, thoughts were clouding my moments of life, and nothing was worth anger nor attitude. all I was seeing around was love and care. I felt myself (no other word for it, sorry.. ) looking inside me. there was no ME angry anymore, gone, vanished, not even the memory of it, only the threads slowly dissolving. tiredness disappeared, and it felt good, I FELT good. I started to smile, to see the colors, the mirror, the lights, and to sing. I spent the day singing and looking. I started to see, really see: people and things, not images or projections of my fears or desires. It felt so different. lot of compassion, the real one I never experienced before. Now, I keep looking the NOW. there is a quality, an intensity to it.
After all this typing, I realize how shallow life was. there is a new depth into all that I touch by the eye or other senses, and especially, a new quality in my relation to others. I now take time to listen, to look at their queries, with intense pleasure rather than "have to" kind of attitude, and it all comes down to the simple fact that I live it at the time it happens. the chatter in my mind stopped, or dissolved, leaving space to peace, attention, and interest.
I have so much to write about it, but it looks like I'd need to wrap it in sugar again and again to make it sweeter than the actual feeling, (although even with all the honey of the world I doubt it can match half this elation! ) :-)))
I don't even think about me anymore (till now)
that's great, simply great. I have no more doubt that something happened, something good. A life changing insight.
Thanks so much Ingen for this great guidance, you broke all my walls relentlessly to bring me here, in the NOW.
with much Love and gratitude to you and your fellow guides.