Re: Die before you die
Posted: Tue May 21, 2019 9:59 am
Yes thanks I've done the log in remember me, didn't realise it logged out after an hour. I've tried the save button before it didn't work. might be because I'm using a tablet rather than a laptop . Anyway I only have a bit of time so I'm going to restart the questions and hopefully finish them bit later.
Yes, this suddenly became much clearer yesterday, thoughts! Lying little buggers. Whilst again looking for the 'knower' I realised, thought played a much bigger part than I had realised. I am so used to habitually believing what thoughts say and I had never really questioned their validity. While 'i' was looking for the knower, my attention went to the 'looker' the sense that there was a me looking for a 'knower' , again there was only sensation, but also the realisation that thought constantly says 'i' or 'me' but it isn't true. There was one sensation, allegedly! Looking at another sensation, I could see in actual experience it was two sensations and there was no link. The looker wasn't looking at the other bodily sensation, it couldn't, all there was was two sensations and an unquestioned thought that said' 'i am looking'. It's like throwing carpet over a hole, to make you think there's solid ground beneath it. The mind or thoughts constantly labelling sensations 'i' to hide the fact that there's no one there. On the realisation that 'i' is simply a one letter word, I had to look at 'belief' as I felt I 'believed' this thought. Was there really someone who could believe in thought. So looking at 'belief' I used the exercise you gave. I saw the word belief, just a word, then looked for the sensation, by stating things I did and did not believe, there was a mild diffence in bodily sensations. There is a relaxation or the body remains relaxed when something feels true and their is mild tensing when something feels untrue/lie/disagreed with. So again there is sensation and thought that labels the sensation 'believe' . But believer or believing do not exist. I did the same exercise with the feeling of 'intention' , I hadn't realised the belief in 'i' resided in so many sensations .. But just because there is a thought “you know it” – does this make it so?
So this morning I just feel like 'i don't know' , I'm really sorry to bring this up again but thoughts say 'what am I?' And then thought moves quickly to stick an 'i' on a sensation or thought, but it doesn't seem to stick so well. (Hope that makes sense) . Like it's having a panic, chucking ,'i''s all over the place to see which one I'll believe. But the only belief I'm really scared to look at is that there is no 'i'. But I have to go out soon, so I need to walk my dog and I'm going to carry on looking whilst on the walk and I'll feedback later and try and finish the questions.. An what is the ‘I’ that would be doing the knowing?