Lovely, yes!After being aware of this expectation - it is seen purely as an idea, a thought. First an idea of there being an actual "expectation" and it's subsequent story, then a story that "there is a feeling of this expectation". Even "expectation" is just a word, a label.And is this ‘feeling’ an actual sensation or is it an idea?
Yes..they just seem to arise and subside. Although it seems you are aware that there is no thinker or controller…we will still explore the nature of thought to make sure it is clear.No controller of thought is seen. Thoughts just come and go.Good luck with that! There is no thinker or controller of thought and there is no controller of what is being awared.
Look carefully when doing the following exercise. Do it several times if necessary, answering each question individually please.
Sit quietly for about 30 minutes and notice the arising thoughts. Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear, without you doing anything at all.
Where are they coming from and going to?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?
Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?
Can you predict your next thought?
Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?
Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle?
It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence. Or is it just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that "one thought follows another thought"?
Yep, exactly. There are thoughts about thoughts! Thoughts either point to AE or they point to thoughts about thought.It seems that "attachment" happens to no one. Even the story of "being attached". What is observed is that (as you mentioned) sometimes thought labels something as "egoic" or "non-egoic". Which is an idea created from different thoughts about being a person and the illusion of "I". Basically thoughts are "talking with each other" - trying to make sense of the moment.What exactly is it that has “attachments”?
Nice :)Ego cannot be found in AE. There is no AE of ego. Only a thought based narrative. Thoughts label every movement, seeing, hearing, tasting and feeling and make it "mine". It is clearly seen. Thank you for pointing that out.Where in colour, thought, smell, taste, sensation and sound can an ‘ego’ be found?
What is the AE of ‘ego’?
It can be somewhat discombobulating when dreams, hopes and desires fall away and there is nothing to take its place….nothing to identify with ie a person wanting to be a famous artist.Something that "I" wanted to share is that lately "my dream" about being a famous artist came crashing down. There is a huge space but confusion arises. Without a goal thoughts are very loud, yet no problem arises - only awareness of it all taking place. Life seems more spacious and more "flow" is seen. There is nobody to take it personally, the story is seen through. Some fear about "being a nobody" arises but is observed and vanishes. Also the thought "a nobody" is noticed.
If you look carefully…is there a huge space…or is the show showing up as the idea of a huge space now?
Yep..that it is :)Basically the whole day is seen from a different perspective - everything seems automatic.