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I’ve gone back to basics today. Where’s ‘Chris’? There’s no Chris to be found. Where Chris should be is an open space. Nothing there whatsoever. Just sensory experience, thoughts and emotions coming and going. A sense of frustration that when welcomed is allowed to do its thing and move on. Thought hasn’t had the energy it had previous to the feelings of giving in that were prominent yesterday. Motivation to express things isn’t there today like it was. Future concerns aren’t there. Just one moment to the next.
I’ve gone back to basics today. Where’s ‘Chris’? There’s no Chris to be found. Where Chris should be is an open space.
Did Chris ever take up space?
No, what would it be to take up space? Strange that the question seems silly. When I first woke up and read that question it was confounding.
Theres no straining to see there’s no ‘Chris’. Just no ‘Chris’
So what have you been calling 'Chris' all these years?
A story, past and future. My body, my what ever is out there. I’m this, I’m that
It’s always like this. Just been hidden with “I need this, I need to see I’m one, I need to force this, I need her, I need a new coat :)
Chris was a coat, of sorts. As was John. And we took ourselves for coats.
It's an exquisite irony that in not being Chris, you're everything.
At the same time, you're this unique breathing being.
Take a minute or two, to breathe.
You may not be who you were.
You may not know who you are.
But smile anyway. :)
That's it, right there.
All those books, meditating, all of it and it’s so simple. It’s gentle
Ok, checking in...where are you at today with this?
Take a few minutes and sit with it, to come from the experience.
The head has had enough airtime. :)
The desire to search is gone. This is it. There’s the ability to dawn a mask at will where before there was work required. Something that had to be done. I’m off to work so I’ll report back when I have a bit of time later today. Thanks for this!
Thoughts are moving through experience and understood but there’s no one mixed within them. Rather than being something static I’m now ALL of it that comes and goes including stress etc which doesn’t stick around. There’s not much urge to communicate this at the moment. Everything’s fine the way it is, even if it’s not.
A thought and emotion came up this evening that this wasn’t it. The old Chris is back. But this was different. It wasn’t identified with as Chris and as quickly as it came up it fell apart and disappeared.
On-going discovery, rather than some one-hit wonder.
That's a good approach.
Continue to observe life happening.
This includes seeing the 'Chris' state pass back, and you may get hooked, and it may go, it may stay a bit.
We don't need to push anything away.
Our approach for now is to observe, to enjoy observing, see what we discover, learn.
Each time 'Chris' shows up and falls away again, you're learning about the phenomena, and seeing more clearly what 'Chris' is 'made up of'.
Do keep posting.
The narration is continuing but it’s not who ‘Chris’ is. One of many experiences. Even the talking isn’t assumed to be me. All so strange. There’s been lots of repeating on this thread but it’s constant change. Maybe good bedtime reading for John! Zzzzzz....
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