Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses to my writings. Things seemed to get clearer this morning, it is trying to focus thoughts on question of who is thinking that is troublesome, but it is obvious mind is thinking, not me. Mind does not want to look at itself. When mind relaxes peace returns, thoughts quieten and heart feels balanced. Thoughts are still there, as you say. In the moment they come and go without struggle. Things stay clear. Things that must be thought about still happen, but in easy flow of ideas, possibilities.
There is no solid self Christine, seen when reflecting on being different people in different circumstances, as if energy flows are unique depending on place, company, time ... even physical body transforms and is not fixed. Idea of being no-self makes me laugh, me with a PhD in psychology, HA HA! Contacting those feelings of loss and sadness but they have become so slight already, no panic now.
Picture of tiny fragments of imaginary 'Christine' breaking up and sprinkling around, so true Christine looks clear and light, able to be present to each moment with new flexibility ...no self to maintain. That feels peaceful.
This feeling of being no-self feels peaceful, heart-centred, OK with what is happening, responsive, inwardly smiling. Thoughts can come and go in this peace, no problem, but head is not trying to direct thinking.Explain what being peaceful means? Who is it that feels peaceful? Is there no peace when there is thought?
Big question: who is it that feels peaceful? Inner self? Divine Self? Christine? Christine is peaceful with being who she is, not having to be any other way, not worrying about past or future. True nature is peace, starting to shine through. Allowing others to be how they are too. There is more work to do here on who feels peaceful!
I understand the idea of not thinking, thank you for pointing out that it is human nature to be thinking, how lovely to have thinking the way it is at the moment :) No doubt there will be times when it becomes troublesome again, such as when some upset happens, but right now thinking is peaceful, spontaneous, harmonious. Being in the moment includes thoughts, feelings, seeing, hearing, knowing, everything flowing harmoniously.
Minding a two year old today, so every moment will be new and fun, if a little tiring,