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Re: Nick, welcome here.

Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:07 pm
by Nick
Something happened a few days ago but it was so subtle that it took time to notice and integrate. Honestly, I think that engaging with you initially was the hardest step. This took some courage, there was a lot of lurking going on beforehand. But that little step and your instruction gave permission to the process. I spent much time thinking, sometimes angry/frustrated which was good, but gradually more relaxed and gentle. Noticing that I couldn't feel bored was a nice moment. I let go of wanting a big "pop" and just let it happen naturally.

Re: Nick, welcome here.

Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 9:41 am
by Ilona
Woo hoo!! The expectation for big pop is often in a way.. I'm so glad to hear that shift has happened. Can you answer now these questions as truthfully and honest as you can, when you are ready.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? 

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion. 

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? 

Looking forward to your answers. Lots of love.

Re: Nick, welcome here.

Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 10:41 am
by Nick
1. There is no real "me" in any way, shape, or form. There is a name and a story called Nick, but there never was a separate being, owner, or watcher.

2. The illusion of separate self is a belief, a thought which claims false dominion over other thoughts, over the body, senses, etc. The belief is instilled into the human mind in early childhood, as the young human mimics others, and the parents encourage and reinforce a permanent identity for the child. This is not a malicious process, but one of error. The sense of self sees others as real separate "things" just like it sees "itself", and together these ideas appear to support one another. But they're not real, and so there's no real power or structure there. Dropping them is totally effortless.

3. It feels sobering to see this, like waking up after a long weird dream or a night of intoxication. Everything still functioning normally, the world seems the same, but a little more clear, less background noise, less need for the mind to constantly distract itself. Things that happen are more of an experience and less of a narrative.

4. I find this the hardest question. I like the analogy of a movie with "you" as the main character. Its a cool movie, sometimes exciting, sometimes tragic. But at all times, it is only a story, and "you" are not real, IRL. Oh by the way did I mention that there's also no director, no screen, and no audience at this movie? Mind blown, and then they have to look for themselves. That said, I'm not sure that I would describe it to anyone unless they were already curious...

5. I think it was almost there when we started this thread. I had peeked a bit, like cheating on a test and I knew the answer. But it took some time to evolve. Alot of it happened in the body, especially the fear. I was trying SO hard and there was light-headedness, nausea, anxiety attacks. It was like trying to shut things down, switch to anything but the process of liberation. I had already thought everything out a million times. I felt a lot of anger and frustration which actually helped quite abit, kept it going. I eventually decided to stop thinking so hard and just look. I cultivated an attitude of surrender, almost like giving up and not caring what happened, and then went looking for the self. At some point I stopped looking inside or outside and just looked right here. Saw nothing there, that was it. Took a while to notice anything different, since there was no pop or magical mystical bliss. Later I was doing some very boring stuff, and there were some thoughts/feelings of "this is boring". But there was no "being bored". It didn't suck like boredom sucks. I looked and saw that there was no one to be bored. I've heard others say stuff like "everything's perfect right now as it is", but that implies some kind of new-age bliss or something. It was just that there was no one to be upset by the thoughts and feelings of boredom.

Thank you Ilona, for answering my message, and for your kind instructions. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Re: Nick, welcome here.

Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 11:01 am
by Ilona
Dear nick, I'm delighted to read your post and I see that seeing happened. Thank you for really looking. Lots of love and appreciation here for you.

What's next? Hm, everyone's next is unique. But it's certainly not boring :) Next the system starts to rearrange itself- for some it's quite violent and intense, for others smooth and flowy. This is time for exploration and integration, and whatever comes up is perfect for you.

Are you on Facebook? If not please create an account. New friends are awaiting :))
Sending love.

Re: Nick, welcome here.

Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 11:14 am
by Nick
Thank you again for taking the time and effort to do this. "Love and appreciation" right back at ya! Yeah I am on facebook. Just let me know how to hook up.


Re: Nick, welcome here.

Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 11:42 am
by Ilona ... 65632&_rdr
Click on this link and friend me :)