Rise Again

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Anastacia42
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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Thu Jan 26, 2017 10:20 pm

I don't define truth. I feel it in my body. In my gut.

Truth feels open, light, expansive.
Lies feel tight, heavy, contraction.

[quote] What is your definition of the world?
Where is a line between here and out there?
Line between inside and outside? Find it. [quote]

Again, I have no definition of the world. Too big for that.

Nope. No line to be found. But looking shifts something. Hard to explain. Feels umm... altered.

Awareness is shifting in & out of something different.
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Ilona
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Re: Rise Again

Postby Ilona » Fri Jan 27, 2017 9:06 am

Give it a try, what is world? Don't try to escape the question. Use your mind. Find what feels true to you. Look till you know. Then describe.

What is world in your own words?

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Mon Jan 30, 2017 4:40 pm

Just writing to say I'm still looking. I thought of it off and on during the weekend, which was a little busy. I should have some more focused time today.

Thank you so much!
Stacy
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Tue Jan 31, 2017 4:54 pm

Exciting to read in LU book the same experience of truth/expansion and lie/contraction posted earlier. Mother taught me this. Have met only 1 other person who put it that straightforwardly besides me. It was through his meditations that I had some pretty regular episodes of seeing, about 10 years ago, which were harder to keep without that guidance.

I appreciate all of the time you take with me and others. This is what is needed so much. With the political situation in the US, I want more than ever to see things clearly.

Looking at the world . . . well, more looking FOR the world, not finding it, wondering why I'm seeing anything at all out there. The brightness of a few days ago has slipped and it looks muddy again. At least, I know it's mud.

No need to reply. Feels like I am going so slowly, forgetting so often and certainly being distracted. Just read the "Deep Looking" chapter in LU. Very helpful.

Thank you! And Love you,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Ilona
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Re: Rise Again

Postby Ilona » Wed Feb 01, 2017 8:51 pm

Thank you for such a warm message, it touched my heart.

Write what do you see why you look at what is.
What is that is looking?


Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Mon Feb 06, 2017 4:19 pm

Good morning! (Night there)

Although it has been a few days since the last posting, have actually spent a lot of time reading LU and looking. Had hoped to write when feeling more of the ... beauty & reality ... that are showing up as this is done.

Focusing on
what is the world and what is looking
- have had long periods of ... want to say "not caring," but it isn't that, just not straining, instead relaxing. Sense of ... well, just everything looks different. Not as connected with that in this moment, but more as I write and look.

The world seems to be stories. Everywhere looking at just an incessant chatter about things and then sometimes that falls away and looking may be happening more looking at something without stories. Example, driving yesterday just noticed how even dry grass on the side of the highway gives rise to some story and then it kind of fell away as the story-ness was noticed.

Have been looking my whole life for career that is true. Currently, mostly not working, offering Work of Byron Katie, but not in a concerted way. Spent a week with about 37 cents in the checking account - why? Because what to do doesn't feel "true," yet. Reading the last bit of LU, elated at your discovery of offering guidance. Hope to do that in some form. But getting ahead of myself there.

When the stories drop, the world seems to have been a lie - or well, something in me lied about what the world is. This is hard to put into words accurately. When clearer (or something), it's light and beautiful. Writing here and now feel a little more of that sense, but still muddy inside.
What is looking?
Nothing. Just nothing. How can so much seeming arise from so much nothing?

Feel a little confused and disoriented. A little afraid of just letting all the stories drop - but not afraid, either.

Thank you so much for your patience. Wanted to write when feeling more connected, but it had been a few days and wanted to connect. The world seems so distracting, too. Had out-of-town company for the past 2 weeks and for the last few days he had to stay here to avoid paint fumes at the place he's remodeling. Cat's mouth soreness continued to be an issue. So many distractions, is the point. However, "I" do try to look even at the cat, the house guest, etc.

Much love - and happy birthday again!

Stacy
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Re: Rise Again

Postby Ilona » Tue Feb 07, 2017 12:55 pm

Thank you so much for your reply!
i can see that you are right in the process and view is starting to shift. great stuff.
The world seems to be stories. Everywhere looking at just an incessant chatter about things and then sometimes that falls away and looking may be happening more looking at something without stories. Example, driving yesterday just noticed how even dry grass on the side of the highway gives rise to some story and then it kind of fell away as the story-ness was noticed.
Yes, there are so many stories! it's like a story adventure park with no exit. but there is something else going on besides stories, underneath all conceptual thought. it's the experience! taste of food is not a story, it is an actual sensation that is here, when you focus on it. smell is not a story, it is being perceived regardless of stories being woven or not. see colours, sounds, feel touch, sensations, emotions, all that makes up the world, not just thoughts that wrap experience into conceptual description. can you see that? stories are showing up over sense perceptions. stories can be here or not, perceiving is happening. focus on body sensations, see how much depth there is. feel what wants to be felt. all this is life energy, life happening. including stories.

the question is, is there a perceiver? a center to which experience is happening to?

sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:09 am

Thank you. More out-of-town company.
focus on body sensations, see how much depth there is. feel what wants to be felt. all this is life energy, life happening. including stories.

the question is, is there a perceiver? a center to which experience is happening to?
Oh dear. Body sensations. Alright. Body is in constant chronic pain since about 1971. It would be labeled fibromyalgia if ever a doctor were allowed to diagnose, which has been avoided because it would be "pre-existing" for insurance purposes. Besides, MDs don't really know how to help.

Certain foods make pain worse. Not having them helps. Been in extra pain for the past month or so, as "I" fell off the wagon around the holidays and just didn't care about not eating things that cause pain.

So mysterious to keep noticing there is no perceiver. Things are mysterious enough and that is just so much more so.

Noticing that I feel altered, different, etc. when looking and am afraid I might be avoiding that feeling. That may be keeping me from looking deeply enough. It feels spaced out or high or something. In some ways, that feels good and yet, maybe concerned that I can't drive a car or function in that state. Can you help with that, please?

Thank you so much. Very grateful for guidance. Have needed this forever!
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Ilona
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Re: Rise Again

Postby Ilona » Mon Feb 13, 2017 9:22 am

Thank you for reply. All this pain is not easy to live with, sorry to hear that it's been chronic. I'll send you a PM.

Let's examine the fear that is felt around looking. You say that it feels good, but... How would you drive a car?
Does there need to be I that drives the car, walks, does work, sits, eats, sleeps? If there really is no separate entity already, then what can be lost? A sense of controller is not the I. It's an assumption that there must be an I, because how otherwise things get done. But how does a tree grow and give fruit? Is there a doer in a tree? Is there a doer in a cat? Is there a doer inside the body, making it move and do stuff? Is there a doer that is reading words right now? How does reading happen? Watch as it is happening and stop for a second to look, can this not be happening? Do you need to make these letters that appear in the screen translated into word or it's an automatic process?

Next time you drive the car, what he how it is done. Do you need to command arms, legs and eyes what to do?


Keep investigation going.
Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Anastacia42
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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:03 am

It's so wild. Just when it seems nothing is happening, something shifts and there is clarity, a sense of lucidity that was not there before. Pops up out of nowhere, unexpected.

My household meditates together each Friday morning. Today after meditation I spent some time with a woman who comes to this and doesn't live here. We drove to Boulder to pick up a sign in 3 languages saying something like, "we care about our neighbors no matter what language they speak" to put in the yard.

Driving... and next thing I know clarity arises, with a feeling of ... yes, lucidity and colors are bright again. Clearly there is no "I" driving. (Or talking, answering her or well, anything.) Just happening, driving. talking, listening. Meaning of what is said comes from who-knows-where. Strong sense of connection and just . . . flow of things. Feels so good to be clear this way.

Still feeling it.

Had 3 days this past week of some of the worst pain ever. Pretty sure it had to do with something "I" ate. Annoying. Still looked into the pain and the body feelings. Why not? It wasn't going away. Have training in rebirthing breathwork and can focus on current, immediate sensations. They shift or they don't and it's okay pretty much either way. Received & replied to PM, too.

No, no reader, either - how could there be if no one is here? Really strange, though - how/why do we "learn" to read if there is no reader? Conceptually, this is very weird. And yet true. Nothing & no one is here. Thoughts/stories arise and fall. Some, maybe even most are so repetitive.

Want to really focus on the truth/lie aspect. That seems to shift awareness quickly to notice what is and isn't true. That was a thread in what I read of your story and it's in your sig line and all over in books & teaching from people who seem to have woken up.

Seeing the truth of no one here, no world. Feels good just to type out something true. It's a relief - especially in current severe lack of money. Financial life has been falling completely apart for about 2 years.

Thank you so much and sending much love and gratitude for helping this one to stay focused and looking.
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Re: Rise Again

Postby Ilona » Tue Feb 21, 2017 12:48 pm

thank you for your reply.
desire to see the truth is what brought you here. but seeing the truth and naming the truth is not the same and truth can not be put in a concept. it's what you know beyond words. if we express truth in words, it becomes a conceptual truth. can be useful in practical sense. but when you look at truth, words fall flat.

you can describe what you see and that's fine. but there is no final truth to land on that could be expressed in words.

what i am trying to say here is knowing truth in your being and expressing it through words is not the same. we can talk using language. we can make judgments on what is true what is false. a good way to approach is from the angle that all beliefs are not true.

and if you have an expectation on how truth should look like ( oneness, no self, no world ) it's still trying to fit what is into a conceptual frame.

lets look at what IS. let's not look for truth or anything, lets look AT what is here now.
if you are looking FOR something, for change, for some other state, to become something else, then the focus goes away from what IS into a world of ideas of what this should look like.

sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Anastacia42
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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Tue Feb 21, 2017 1:28 pm

Thank you, yes. All of that is familiar. Not confused about the difference between looking AT at looking FOR. That's why the wording was "notice."

[quote] seems to shift awareness quickly to notice what is and isn't true. [quote]

Much love,
Stacy
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Ilona
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Re: Rise Again

Postby Ilona » Thu Feb 23, 2017 9:26 am

How is it going?
Is seeking still here or diminished?
Is there anything interesting to report?

Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Anastacia42
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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Thu Feb 23, 2017 11:48 am

Good morning,

It's 3:30 am here. Awake for a couple of hours & decided to look at notifications on phone. Thank you. It was good to see your note.

At first there was no comprehension what "seeking" you meant. Slowly, realized you didn't mean "looking." Maybe things are clearer than was apparent. Seeking isn't the right word quite. Something more like calm curiosity.

The sense of clarity is more frequent, yet isn't constant.

And are the same time...fellt nervous about cat and money yesterday, but everyone & everything seems kind of surreal. Insubstantial, but not.

Trillian the cat had a vet appointment yesterday & she has been hiding a LOT of pain. Her mouth has sores. Need to give her antibiotics... something I avoid for myself. But catching this too late to expect milder remedies to help.

LI Ving with constant pain myself, I feel for her.

Also experiencing fear about US political situation. Feels like madmen are trying to run things. The bullies are in charge of the playground. Wondering how long it will lastill, how far it will go, whether "good" will come from this shake up.

Those are distracting & yet opportunities to see what's true & see past the experiencesame of horrors of the native Americans & the pipeline, the immigrants with perfectly valid visas being searched & detained, the dismantling of federal phone lines & entire departments of government.

But .... and can't say this to everyone ... right here, in this moment, it's fine. Have food, clothes, friends, water. Nothing to do but sleep a bit more till the Sun comes up.

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Re: Rise Again

Postby Anastacia42 » Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:26 pm

PS: 7 am. Maybe not seeking is how so many hours & days have been spent just sitting, not doing. Almost 2 years of this.

Knew to move 3 times. Moved in 10 days each time after knowing happened.

A bill needs to be paid? Something does something & then there's a little money & it is paid, or it is not, and a credit card goes into default. Thoughts of bankruptcy come up or the creditor starts calling 3 to 5 times a day and there is STILL nothing to do.

That's possibly the weirdest part. Stacy/I /whatever usually sleep through the night. Woke up this morning shortly after your post. Took a couple of hours to think to look at email at 3 am.

There are things to do, most get done.

No real idea how this happens. Can't make it happen, can't keep it from happening.

Political stuff... so many in so much drama! Blaming this person & that person and making up stories all over the place. After 20 years Work of Byron Katie, that stuff doesn't hold water.

Snow today. 75 yesterday. So funny.

Much love, Ilona,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris


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